Bridgewater College Digital Commons

Archival photograph from Bridgewater College Special Collectionshttps://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/music_groups_and_performances/1010/thumbnail.jp

Bridgewater College

Bridgewater College, Photograph of two students playing cellos, undated

Archival photograph from Bridgewater College Special Collectionshttps://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/music_groups_and_performances/1009/thumbnail.jp

Bridgewater College, Photograph of the BC Orchestra performing, undated

Archival photograph from Bridgewater College Special Collectionshttps://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/music_groups_and_performances/1001/thumbnail.jp

Bridgewater College, Students singing, possibly Christmas carolers, undated

Benjamin, Ewan

English

The Boy Scout Movement and Indian Nationalism

Archival photograph from Bridgewater College Special Collectionshttps://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/theatre_photos/1013/thumbnail.jp

Bridgewater College, Photograph of a Pirates of Penzance performance, undated

Archival photograph from Bridgewater College Special Collectionshttps://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/music_groups_and_performances/1020/thumbnail.jp

Lydle, Chris

Bridgewater College, Chris Lydle (photographer), The Association performing at the college, undated

Archival photograph from Bridgewater College Special Collectionshttps://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/intramurals_photos/1003/thumbnail.jp

Powell, Joe

Bridgewater College, Joe Powell (photographer), Students bowling at Valley Lanes, undated

Goldsmith, Jadon

Philomathean 
Volume 2 MMXXIII: Reflections of Our Times Article 26 
4-4-2023 
Philomathean MMXXIII Logo Submission #3 
Jadon Goldsmith 
Bridgewater College 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/bc_philomathean 
 Part of the Arts and Humanities Commons 
Recommended Citation 
Goldsmith, Jadon (2023) "Philomathean MMXXIII Logo Submission #3," Philomathean: Vol. 2, Article 26. 
Available at: https://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/bc_philomathean/vol2/iss1/26 
This Art is brought to you for free and open access by the Journals and Campus Publications at BC Digital 
Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Philomathean by an authorized editor of BC Digital Commons. For 
more information, please contact rlowe@bridgewater.edu. 



Philomathean MMXXIII Logo Submission #3

Tewari, Shifa

Philomathean 
Volume 2 MMXXIII: Reflections of Our Times Article 17 
4-4-2023 
Only One of Us is Dying: A Series of Poems Describing the Cruelty 
of Time 
Shifa Tewari 
Bridgewater College 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/bc_philomathean 
 Part of the Arts and Humanities Commons 
Recommended Citation 
Tewari, Shifa (2023) "Only One of Us is Dying: A Series of Poems Describing the Cruelty of Time," 
Philomathean: Vol. 2, Article 17. 
Available at: https://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/bc_philomathean/vol2/iss1/17 
This Poetry is brought to you for free and open access by the Journals and Campus Publications at BC Digital 
Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Philomathean by an authorized editor of BC Digital Commons. For 
more information, please contact rlowe@bridgewater.edu. 
only one of us is dying
only one of us is dying.
it’s the plot twist that Fate revealed in the second act.
i imagine a spotlight on center stage
where you’re standing five feet away from me
arms wide open
and soul bared to the audience
i’m dying.
it’s like a whisper so deafening
and i can’t help but flinch.
the world stops
and starts crumbling,
the walls of our future shattering around us.
i never told you what my ring size is
or how many kids i wanted.
i never told you how much you mean to me.
i never told you that i loved you 
before you told me your expiration date
and i probably never will.
i am not going to write a story that will never come true.
you’ll never know how i felt about you.
you told me to write our story
and i asked you what the title should be.
only one of us is dying.
Only One of Us is Dying 
A Series of Poems Describing the Cruelty of Time 
Written By:
Shifa Tewari
3:47 a.m. 
if i could rearrange 
the stars and change 
the Fate of destiny
to give you 
more time,
i would
do anything to ensure 
a life worth living
because a life lived 
in fear of death is 
no life at all.
borrowed time
ten years.
all i get with you is ten years
and that is the best-case scenario,
Fate dropped you into my life;
made a hurricane out of the butterflies
and in just as much time
the Fates are taking you away.
you were a dream
when all of my life had been realities.
you were the calm in my storm,
you brought the candle that lit through my darkness,
you gave me a future that I never intended on having,
you added forty years onto my life expectancy,
and i only get to spend ten with you.
“it isn’t fair,”
i said,
“i wish we had more time.”
Do you think I want this either?


Only One of Us is Dying: A Series of Poems Describing the Cruelty of Time

Smith, Mackenzie

Philomathean 
Volume 2 MMXXIII: Reflections of Our Times Article 23 
4-4-2023 
Indecisive and Doubtful Words 
Mackenzie Smith 
Bridgewater College 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/bc_philomathean 
 Part of the Arts and Humanities Commons 
Recommended Citation 
Smith, Mackenzie (2023) "Indecisive and Doubtful Words," Philomathean: Vol. 2, Article 23. 
Available at: https://digitalcommons.bridgewater.edu/bc_philomathean/vol2/iss1/23 
This Personal Essay is brought to you for free and open access by the Journals and Campus Publications at BC 
Digital Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Philomathean by an authorized editor of BC Digital 
Commons. For more information, please contact rlowe@bridgewater.edu. 
Indecisive and Doubtful Words
	 This	piece	of	writing	is	not	really	an	essay.	This	piece	of	writing	could	just	be	seen	as	a	
person	voicing	her	feelings	on	her	writing	or	writing	in	general.	While	I	was	writing	the	
second	sentence	of	this	thing,	I	went	back	to	the	first	sentence	and	added	“really”	in	between	
“not”	and	“an”.	The	“could”	in	the	second	sentence	was	something	I	put	in	there	the	first	time	
I	wrote	it	without	even	thinking.	I	have	written	a	lot	of	essays	in	my	educational	career,	and	all	
of	the	ones	I	consider	good	are	essays	that	got	good	grades	and	that	my	teachers	and/or	peers	
told	me	I	did	a	good	job	on.	When	self-describing	my	own	work	before	I	submit	it,	the	highest	
praise	I	give	it	is	“good	enough”	or	“okay”.	Whenever	I	even	try	to	talk	about	the	quality	of	my	
writing,	or	answer	questions	in	class,	I	tend	to	throw	in	“probably”,	“maybe”,	or	stuff	like	“I	
suppose”	instead	of	“I	think”.	Sometimes,	even	when	I	use	“I	think”	it	is	a	less	definitive	
version	of	“I	know”	because	I	am	afraid	of	backlash	if	I	am	wrong	about	something.	And	I	
throw	in	a	“sometimes”	because	my	memory	of	the	past	gets	foggy	and	I	don’t	remember	how	
much	I	have	actually	done	something.	If	I	am	wrong	about	something,	I	am	more	than	
willing	to	admit	my	wrongdoing.	I	might	have	only	added	that	sentence	since	I	might	be	afraid	
of	people	thinking	I	know	all	the	right	answers.	And	by	might	I	mean	it	is	100%	how	I	feel	but	
I	have	to	have	an	element	of	uncertainty	or	else	I	might	look	dumb	or	worse,	self-centered.	I	
also	hate	misunderstandings	and	being	misinterpreted,	and	I	tend	to	over-explain	the	words	I	
write	sometimes	as	a	result.
	 Anyway,	essays.	Essays	are	something	that	I	generally	enjoy	writing	despite	their	highly	
formulaic	nature.	This	is	a	nature	that	has	been	discussed	extensively	in	some	of	the	readings	I	
have	had	to	read	for	this	semester.	I	think	I	might	have	used	to	not	enjoy	writing	essays,	which	
is	a	statement	I	am	making	because	I	earnestly	do	not	remember	if	I	enjoyed	writing	essays	
when	I	was	younger	but	have	a	feeling	I	might	not	have	hated	writing	them.	That	previous	
sentence	might	have	been	a	bit	of	a	run-on,	but	I	am	unsure	hence	the	“might”.	Anyways	again,	
there	have	been	several	things	I	have	read	this	semester	that	have	made	me	continue	to	doubt	
the	quality	of	my	writing.	I	hesitated	to	type	that	previous	sentence	because	I	do	not	want	
anyone	to	interpret	me	as	disliking	much	of	the	readings	I	have	done	for	this	class.	Has	my	
years	of	being	taught	to	write	essays	in	a	certain	way	completely	and	utterly	squashed	out	my	
ability	to	write	well?	Is	my	writing	in	my	own	voice	or	is	it	just	generic?	I	would	like	to	think	
that	my	writing	is	in	my	own	voice	since	I	always	imagine	myself	speaking	my	words	aloud	
when	I	am	writing,	but	I	feel	that	whenever	I	am	confident	about	anything	relating	to	my	
academic	skills	the	rug	immediately	gets	pulled	out	from	under	me.	Like	I	am	not	allowed	to	
have	confidence	because	it	is	pointless	and	I	am	actually	just	getting	a	big	head.	This	probably	
explains	why	William	Coles’	The	Plural	I	affected	me	as	much	as	it	did,	because	if	a	teacher	
ever	put	my	writing	on	blast	in	front	of	the	class	like	that	I	would	probably	begin	to	actively	
hate	writing	and	never	feel	like	I	could	do	anything	right	ever	again.
	 I	included	the	probably	in	that	previous	sentence	because	while	I	am	confident	that	that	
is	why	that	piece	of	writing	affected	me	so	much,	I’m	always	worried	about	any	potential	
margin	of	error	in	anything	I	say	that	I	can	never	speak	certainly.	I	have	likely	always	felt	this	
way	to	an	extent,	in	high	school	I	was	deathly	afraid	of	getting	any	problems	or	questions	
incorrect	because	I	was	worried	it	meant	I	was	an	idiot.	In	elementary	school,	I	was	praised	by	
my	teachers	for	not	acting	out	in	class,	and	I	guess	overtime	my	brain	took	this	praise	and	
mutated	it	into	meaning	that	I	was	smarter	than	the	rest	of	my	classmates	because	I	didn’t	
act	out.	This	notion	was	almost	completely	destroyed	in	middle	and	high	school,	where	I	
struggled	in	a	fair	bit	of	my	classes	and	started	to	feel	like	I	was	a	complete	failure	if	I	got	any	
questions	wrong.	It	was	on	its	way	to	fading	away,	and	it	certainly	doesn’t	feel	as	exaggerated	
as	it	did	when	I	was	in	high	school.	Although	I’ve	noticed	a	similar	feeling	popping	up	since	
I	started	being	active	on	Twitter,	where	people	always	think	less	of	you	as	a	person	whenever	
Written By:
Mackenzie Smith
you	get	any	kind	of	factoid	wrong.	I	feel	like	these	thought	patterns	have	bled	into	my	writing,	
where	I	worry	that	getting	one	super	tiny	thing	wrong	makes	me	a	complete	and	utter	idiot.	If	
a	second	essay	that	I	write	gets	a	lower	score	than	the	first	one,	I	sometimes	spiral	and	worry	
that	it	means	all	my	progress	is	gone	and	that	I’m	actually	just	getting	worse.
Tend	to.
Sometimes.
Feel	like.
Might.
Probably.
. . .
	 I	can’t	keep	getting	away	with	this.	I	don’t	know	what	I’m	supposed	to	do	or	if	this	is	a	
habit	I	can	even	break.	Why	can’t	I	just	commit	to	a	statement	I’m	writing	instead	of	being	so	
darn	wishy-washy?	Is	this	even	something	I	should	fix?	I	am	not	sure	if	being	indecisive	all	the	
darn	time	in	writing	is	considered	a	negative	thing	like	it	is	with	making	decisions,	but	dammit	
if	I	don’t	want	to	fix	the	latter	and	fixing	the	former	might	help	with	that.	Does	it	even	have	a	
real	impact?	I’m	sure	it	will.	Er,	pretty	sure	it	will.	
