Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Wright, Carolyn

Carolyn Wright 
The Cheerleader 
Itwas the middle of September when Christina, my high school freshman, 
told me she wanted to be a cheerleader. She had suspected that her feminist 
mother would not be happy. She was correct. For more than eight years I had 
schlepped her to soccer practice, basketball camps, and swimming lessons. Now 
she wanted to be a cheerleader. I was confused and I was disappointed. 
In  1962, when I was a high school freshman, sports meant gym class. T o  
pass gym class one had only to prove they had washed and pressed their blue 
cotton gym suit on a weekly basis. Taking showers increased your grade. 
Anyone who didn't bow out of class with cramps was rewarded with an "A" 
grade. 
Cheerleaders, however, were the only girls pictured in the sports section of 
my yearbook, something my daughter had commented on, and becoming a 
cheerleader wasn't easy. It was a political accomplishment with a degree of 
difficulty right up there with becoming the homecoming queen. To  be chosen 
as a cheerleader meant you were popular, pretty, obedient, and probably dating 
a football player. 
I flashed back to my own painful experiences of trying to make the squad. 
Try-outs included at least a hundred girls in a gym, dancing and jumping in 
unison following the gym teacher's instructions. There were cuts. The humili- 
ating kind. Hopeful contenders were too short, too tall, too heavy, too thin, or 
they didn't have that elusive quality called "school spirit." 
Hope was built and hope was destroyed. The seemingly endless process of 
weeding out the "insufficent" ended friendships. I t  was adolescent torture. 
And, no matter how high I jumped, or how I curved my back in flight, I never 
made last cut. 
My mind raced as Christina stood in front of me. She was waiting for my 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 173 
approval. I knew that the feminist I was today would never have wanted to be 
a cheerleader. Cheerleading was sexist. It was about wearing short skirts and 
boosting the moral of guys while ignoring girls' achievements in sports. Whiie 
cheerleading was the only athletic activity open to me as a high school student, 
girls today had the opportunity to play real team sports. I t  was the '90s. Why 
would anybody even want to be a cheerleader today? What about all the titles 
women had fought for, like U.S. National Champion and Olympic gold 
medalist? 
Christina held her head high, showing her resolve. I looked into her big 
blue eyes. She had decided to be a cheerleader andshe wanted my support. I had 
said what I thought, but added with sincerity that she should do what she 
wanted to do. "Feminism is about choices," I said, "and you need to make your 
own." 
In her school filled with female sports achievers, first in the state in soccer, 
first in the state in basketball, my daughter became a cheerleader. Then she 
became the cheerleading captain. She learned to choreograph dance numbers 
and demand equal practice space from none too happy football coaches and 
principals alike. Workingwith an elderly advisor and no coach, she sought out 
former cheerleaders in the community that volunteered to help her teach her 
squad. 
Christina refused to wear the school's traditional Indian Warrior costume 
reserved as a special honor for head cheerleaders. She proclaimed it not only 
cumbersome for her sport, but racist as well. Then she moved on to recruitment. 
She wanted to integrate the team by gender. In her senior year she successfdly 
trained two young men to be cheerleaders--- first in the district. 
Under my daughter's leadership, cheerleading gained new- found respect 
as a team sport. Cheerleading had been an exclusive club and an admired 
activity for girls in my high school, but it had been a devalued activity in my 
daughter's school. Most hurtful was the criticism of cheerleaders voiced by 
female cohorts playing "real" sports. Christina was undaunted. Soon her squad 
began cheering for girls' teams at the invitation of the girls' teams themselves. 
She worked her squad every night whiie holding down a job and carrying 
excellent grades. She was voted the most valuable player by the team and given 
the sportsmanship award by her principal. 
My daughter had entered this sport knowing fbll well it was going to be a 
& d e n g m  much different challenge than the one I had experienced as a 
young woman. I wanted to be accepted as a member of the popular girls'clique. 
She wanted to challenge the status quo. I looked at the choice she had made 
through a new lens. I could not help but admire her courage. She became my 
hero. No one was prouder than I when she was on top ofthe pyramid, the center 
dancer on the football field, or leading a cheer for other girls' teams. My 
daughter, the feminist cheerleader. She not onlyhad my support, I thought she 
was awesome. 
174 1 Volume I ,  Number l 


English

The Cheerleader

Clark, Jocalyn P.

Clark, Camillia G.

Jocalyn P. Clark and Camillia G. Clark 
Studying and Sharing 
Mother and Daughter 
Learn Academia 
An earliest memo y for me was my mom's convocation day when shegraduated 
with her master's degree in psychologyfiom the University ofRegina. It was a 
celehato y occasion. Istillhave apicture in my mindof the excitement in her eyes and 
theglow of her cheeks, a memo y securedby aphotograph taken of my mom and me 
and my younger sister on that special day. At the time I did notfirlly appreciate the 
signijicance of convocation as a culmination ofyears andyears of her hard work, 
completed while also raising two small children during a time when others were 
enjoying thefieedom oftheir early twenties. Nor didIanticipate that the completion 
of my own master's degree, and the subsequentpursuit of doctoraldegrees for both of 
us, wouldfind us at aplace where we would be sharing a similarjourney through 
academia, although at very dzferent lye stages. 
The mother-daughter relationship is complicated, unique, and often 
emotionally charged (Basoff, 1988; La Sorsa and Fodor, 1990; Smith and 
Smith-Blackner, 1981). While it is considered to be one ofthe strongest bonds 
throughout life, most literature refers to the influence that the mother has on 
her daughter. Verylittle has been written about the daughter's influence on her 
mother's emotional and psychological development and even less has been 
discussed regarding the process between a mother and daughter when they 
enter academic studies at similar times. This article describes some of the 
dialogue undertaken between a mother and daughter who have begun to share 
their similar and different experiences in academia. Although twenty years 
apart in age, we have found an important source of support in the mother- 
daughter relationship as both the challenges and successes of our academic 
studies are shared. 
We  each knew that we were well-suited to academic careers. Both of us 
168 1 Volume l, Number l 
have long recognized our curiousities about the world of ideas and our desires 
to be continually challenged, for which academia seemed a desirable profession. 
Friends and family had often commented on our aptitudes for living the 
"student life." But we have also maintained very different lifestyles, each with 
its own constraints and opportunities to pursue our individual goals. The 
generational and socioeconomic gaps allowed one of us virtually unrestricted 
freedom to embark on academic endeavours, while the other faced financial 
obstacles and a social and cultural environment with more traditional expecta- 
tions of women. While one of us grew up in an environment consisting of a 
mother who combined professional activities with marriage and family, the 
other grew up with few examples of women academics, and many fewer role 
models that successfully combined higher education with motherhood. Most 
striking is the similarity of our experiences now, pursuing graduate degrees, in 
different countries but in similar fields, with different life constraints but 
similar aspirations, and beginning to recognize that because of this experience 
we are connected in ways that are profound, endearing, and sustaining. 
The daughter of us cares deeply about her academic study. It's undeniably 
a most central aspect of her self-identity, provoking her with constant chal- 
lenges and new goals and providing opportunities to build knowledge. Acquir- 
ing knowledge is seen as the means to secure an independent and stable future 
in an increasingly tumultuous and competitive economic environment. Learn- 
ing and understanding others' diverse experiences also forms the basis for her 
political action. The mother ofus too cares deeply about academics. The desire 
to complete her doctorate has been a life long goal which encompasses her 
needs for achievement and personal success. The difference however, is that she 
has a husband and children about whom she also cares deeply. For mother, 
social and cultural influences prepared her for the roles ofwife and mother but 
not as much for student. Expectations that one would get married were very 
clear and although she was an excellent student with marks well suited for 
university, she considered her future in terms of marriage and family, with 
much less emphasis on academics and career. For the daughter, the expecta- 
tions were very different, in fact quite opposite. Emphasizing independence 
and individuality, pursuing higher education was consistent with the expecta- 
tion of putting off family until a career was established. Although combining 
career and motherhood has become increasingly normative for Canadian 
women, the demands of this double duty lifestyle were seen as compromising 
to a successf%l academic career and avoiding these challenges was promoted as 
a choice the daughterwas fortunate to make. While as mother and daughterwe 
were nurtured by very different values that influenced our choices of career, 
working in academia has presented each ofus with similar challenges forwhich 
we have both needed support. Our sources of support over the years have also 
reflected what was previously seen as divergent experience, but has culminated 
in a recognition ofourselves as role models to each other and as valuable sources 
of mentorship and encouragement. 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 169 
Jocalyn P. Clark and Camilia G. Clark 
Pursuing her academic goals, the daughter of us had many woman role 
models and teachers. 1ncreaing numbers of women in a traditionally male- 
dominated setting provided camaraderie and shared experience that enabled 
her to build confidence in her goals and abilities. She pursued a feminist- 
oriented academic study that exposed her to a critical analysis of women's 
experiences in academia and how those experiences differ for diverse groups of 
women. While she learned to expect a variety of obstacles and struggles as a 
result of being a woman, her academic studies and involvement with women's 
organizations gave her valuable support and guidance. She also had financial 
support from her parents that her mother never had. On the other hand, she 
has lived many miles from all her family since she began university at the age 
of seventeen. Living apart from family supports required her to develop 
considerable independence and self-s&iciency that has at times been very 
challenging. She learned to draw support largely from friends from school, 
many of whom continue to study and provide encouragement. The academic 
environment has been a special place to build friendship and solidarity but its 
emphasis on achievement and competition continues to isolate and at times 
overwhelm her. 
Mom had a different set of supports and encouragement. Her encourage- 
ment to pursue academics came first from a single mother who wanted her 
daughter to have opportunities that she did not have. A university education 
meant new opportunities and a "career," although the type of career was not 
identified in any way except to suggest that the humanities rather than science 
was an appropriate education to pursue. No other women in the family had 
accomplished a university education, thus most of the role models available 
were of women as wives and mothers. Introducing the idea of pursuing 
academic studies and having children was new and viewed skeptically. How- 
ever, hard work and resilience characterized women ofher extended familywho 
had laboured to make a living in the Canadian prairies. Combined with the 
feminism of the 1970s and 80s that promoted women's equal access to 
academic opportunities, the hard work and determination served mother well 
in pursing her goals. She came to rely on support from other women, especially 
academic and professional colleagues. Feminist organizations and groups also 
became strong influences and provided a sounding board for finding ways to 
balance career and family responsibilities. 
Mother's recent return to academia and her experiences and struggles 
during this time have provided the impetus for our sharing. We  have begun a 
dialogue that points out similarities in our endeavours for knowledge, achieve- 
ment, and academic success, a dialogue that has culminated in recognition of 
opportunities to support each other in our academic experiences. Much of this 
has derived from what we have come to know is a demanding and at times 
unrelenting work environment; the demands of academia seeming especially 
evident since we are women. For mom the process of returning to school after 
many years in professional practice was particularly daunting. But the daugh- 
170 1 Volume l ,  Number l 
Mother and Daughter Learn Academia 
ter's years of university training has provided valuable experience on which the 
mother can draw for support. 
One of mom's struggles involved having to write an aptitude-type exam 
designed for undergraduate students. She studied and prepared for the GRE in 
order to be considered for doctoral programs resendid that she had to take an 
undergraduate exam after years of clinical practice. The day that she received 
the results, a phone call from her daughter helped her deal with what was in her 
mind a failed attempt. She was extremely disappointed with the just average 
results and was devastated that this reflected her abilities and readiness to do 
doctoral studies. Having a daughter to provide support helped her put these 
results in perspective, including owning her own competencies and skills in 
spite of this external evaluation. She was quickly reassured that an aptitude test 
was not indicative of her abilities and that years of experience and knowledge 
would hold her well in academic pursuits. In turn, the daughter was given an 
important opportunity to offer reassurance and support that mirrored endless 
times her mother had provided encouragement over the many years of her 
schooling. 
The tremendous support we have begun to recognize from each other is 
important because it both enriches our individual experiences in academia and 
reinforces the influence we can have on each other. The commonality of 
graduate studies provides the backdrop for our mother-daughter relationship 
to develop in new ways. In spite of the different social and cultural influences 
that have shaped our journeys through academia, the similarities of our 
experiences soften the demands and struggles along the way. An important 
element of our reciprocal support is the reminderwe can offer to each other that 
each is competent, capable, and filly adequate. Besides providing emotional 
support and reassurance when a competency is challenged, our mother- 
daughter support continues in the form of discussing shared reading, editing 
each other's papers, and giving gifts ofjournals and books. 
Our experiences in academia represent a parallel process, that is two 
women in a family, at different life stages, experiencing a similar developmental 
process. From a feminist perspective, the developmental process is one of self- 
definition. The reciprocal support promotes self-definition within our rela- 
tionship as well as strengthening the relationship bond. The relationship 
process is akin to "relationship-differentiation," which viewed from the per- 
spective of the "self-in-relation" model, emphasizes attachment and connec- 
tion rather than separation as the basis for self-experience in female develop- 
ment (Jordan and Surrey, 1986). Differentiation is seen as a dynamic process 
of growth within the relationship rather than the more psychoanalytic perspec- 
tive of separation- individuation which implies separation from the relation- 
ship. Our current experience of shared academia has allowed us to develop our 
relationship in a supportive, reciprocal way, consistent with this feminist 
perspective of self-development in a relational context. 
W e  continue to pursue our academic goals, enjoying both the successes and 
Journal oftbe Association for Research on Mothering 1 171 
Jocalyn P. Clark and Camillia G. Clark 
challenges of our studies, and the mutual mentoring and modeling that has 
developed through studying and sharing. Our current dialogue illustrates the 
possibilities for mothers and daughters in academic environments. I t  has truly 
been an enriching experience for both personal and relationship development 
for this mother and daughter. 
References 
Bassoff, E. 1988. Mothers and Daughters: Loving and Letting Go. New York: 
New American Library. 
Jordan, J. V., and J. L. Surrey. 1986. "The Self-in-Relation: Empathy and the 
Mother-Daughter Relationship. The Psychology of Today's Woman: NW 
Psychoanalytic Visions. Eds. Bernay and D. Cantor. Hillsdale, N.J.: Ana- 
lytic Press. 81-104 
La Sorsa, V. A., and I. G. Fodor. 1990. uAdolescentDaughter/Midlife Mother 
Dyad: A New Look at Separation and Self-Definition." Psychology of 
Women Quarterly 14: 593-606. 
Smith, M. O., and D. Smith-Blackner. 1981. "The Mother-Daughter Rela- 
tionship: ADialogue Continued." ClinicalSocial Work Journal9(1): 57-68. 
172 1 Volume I ,  Number 1 


Studying and Sharing: Mother and Daughter Learn Academia

Green, Fiona Joy

Fiona Green 
Living Feminism Through 
Mothering 
The feminist mothers represented in this article believe that traditional, 
patriarchal mothering roles are hu& to both women and children and are 
therefore trying to raise their daughters based on their understanding of 
feminism.' They try to give their daughters a sense of what it is to be a woman 
by providing them with some understanding of what oppression is, how it 
operates, and ways in which to deal with it. Daughters are encouraged to 
develop critical thinking and are taught by their mothers to recognize the 
influences of race, class, and gender on themselves and on others. Raising 
daughters based on a feminist awareness is political for these women as they are 
influencing their daughters to be critical of social structures, whether this be 
education, religion, media, or family. Feminist mothers want their daughters 
to develop to their fdI potential as human beings, to be strong and confident 
as children and as adults. Through consciously raising daughters to be critical 
of social structures and the roles defined for people, these feminist mothers are 
teaching their daughters the value of the personal being political. 
The paper is divided into three sections. The first briefly outlines who 
these women are and what feminism means to them, the second explains how 
these women view mothering, and the third and final section explores how they 
ground their mothering in feminism by using specific examples. 
Feminist mothers and feminism 
The group of feminist mothers in this study do not represent all feminist 
mothers, nor do they represent particular "typesn of mothers. Rather they 
represent themselves. The age range of these women is from 25 to 50 and they 
live in or around Winnipeg, Manitoba. They are all temporarily able-bodied: 
birth mothers raising biological children, with two raising non-biological 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 99 
Fiona Green 
children in addition to bioligical children. Halfare raising children alone, while 
the other half are raising children in partnerships.' Six mothers are single, two 
are lesbian, one is bisexual, eleven are heterosexual and I am uncertain of the 
sexuality oftwo of the women. Eleven women were born in Canada, two in the 
U.S.A, two in England and one in Africa. 
The ethnic ancestry of this group is varied. One woman is African, one is 
Metis, and two are Jewish. Two women have Columbian/European ancestry, 
two are of Jewish/European decent and seven women have mixed European 
heritage. Four women identify themselves as poor, while the other twelve see 
themselves as middle-class. 
All of these women identify themselves as feminist and insist that being 
feminist is who they are and not simply a role, theory, or ideological paradigm. 
Feminism is a world viewwhich is ingrained in their bodies, minds, beliefs, and 
actions and is, therefore, implicit in everything they do, including their 
mothering practices. 
Of  course each woman has her own understanding and definition of 
feminism, yet a number of commonalities exist. These commonalities do not 
represent the entire understanding of feminism for these women, but provide 
a partial view of what feminism means to these women and how it relates to 
their mothering. 
For all participants, being feminist entails having a feminist consciousness. 
It  means consciously analyzing everyday events, and looking for the underlying 
assumptions in everything. Having a feminist consciousness for these women 
demands a recognition of what, where, when, why and how patriarchy works, 
as well its implications. Patriarchy, they believe, efficiently dis-empowers and 
dis-enfranchises children and women through systemic discrimination that 
supports and limits everyone to varying degrees--according to factors such as 
gender, ethnicity, sexuality, social class, geography, and ability.4 Patriarchy uses 
social structures to limit women in ways that are harmfid, give men power, and 
maintain a male-dominated hierarchy. Patriarchy does not acknowledge wom- 
en's contributions in this world; it ignores her-story. 
For these women, acknowledging and understanding patriarchy includes 
recognizing that the personal is political; that all personal experiences are linked 
to the larger world which is political in its makeup. They see that living in a 
patriarchal social environment influences and affects each one of us personally. 
They also consider the reverse to be true, that the political is personal. What we 
do as individuals has an affect on the largerworld and its politics. These feminist 
mothers actively practice their beliefs. 
Central they argue, is choice. Choice entails the hndamental 
right to make personal decisions for themselves and about their lives, even when 
this includes little or no support from others. Choice is one of many paths to 
fieedom from the social construction ofgender and thus to self-determination. 
Making choices around issues of relationships, education, work, religion and, 
of course, reproduction, children and mothering are ways these women take 
100 1 Volume I ,  Number 1 
Living Feminism Through Mothering 
charge of their lives and create social change. 
T o  be feminist includes, but is not limited to, analyzing and understanding 
patriarchy, inequality, and the social injustice as it pertains to women and 
children. I t  also entails knowing that by putting personal understandings, 
beliefs, and theories into practice, both individually and communally, acknowl- 
edges and acts on women's potential to be self-determined. 
Mothering 
Traditional patriarchal notions of mothering, according to the women in 
this study, are harmful to women and children. They claim that the most hurtful 
reality of mothering is the isolation and lack of support for mothers, both from 
people in general and from other feminists. Damage to mothers and children 
is brought about through the tactic of dividing different "typesn of mothers into 
groups and then judging women according to their particular grouping. 
"Working mothersn are perceived as selfish and neglectful of their children's 
needs. "Stay-at-home mothersn are labelled dependent, boring, and suspect for 
not contributing to the family income. "Disabled mothersn are considered 
incapable, selfish, wrong, orinvisible. Welfare mothersn are seen as lazy, inept, 
and abusers of the "system." "Lesbian mothersn are viewed as incompetent, 
deviant, and "bad." What is additionally hurtful, according to these women, is 
that they themselves have labelled and judged other mothers and thus alienated 
themselves and other women. They know this undermines women and are 
working to eradicate this attitude in themselves and others. 
Raising daughters in ways that duplicate patriarchal gender role stere- 
otypes is also understood to be damaging to everyone. Not only do gender roles 
constrain the development of human beings, the roles themselves are destruc- 
tive. Changing the socialization of children from conforming to patriarchal 
stereotypes to being autonomous human beings first, both liberates people and 
challenges the social order. Mothering for these women entails just this, 
allowing their daughters to be the people they are, regardless of social prescrip- 
tions according to sex and gender. 
All ofthe women interviewed see their mothering as feminist because they 
value and encourage autonomy, self-determination and self-reliance in their 
daughters. Mothers respect and support the development and growth of 
children as individuals in their own right, and try to recognize the different 
strengths and weaknesses of all people. 
One woman believes mothering is an important and powerful role in itself. 
T o  mother, in her words, "is to have a generation in one's hand." She believes 
that a mother's power to shape and influence the development of individuals, 
regardless of what's out there, means that mothers can contribute to the 
feminist struggle. Although all of the participants believe that the work of 
mothering is hard, undervalued and isolating, they also regard mothering to be 
the most significant work they can do for themselves, their children and their 
society. 
Journal ofthe Association for Researrh on Mothering 1 101 
Fiona Green 
Living feminism through mothering 
In attempting to actively resist patriarchal ideals of mothering and notions 
of gender by rearing their daughters based on the feminist principle of the 
personal being political, these women believe they are living their feminism 
through their mothering. Of  course, the particular ways of doing this varies 
from woman to woman. 
One mother views all decisions around her mothering as feminist because 
she believes her political values go beyond her immediate family to touch others 
within the community. She makes conscious and deliberate choices around 
&id care, schooling, immunization and the well-being of her daughters. The 
outcome of these decisions, she points out, does not occur within a void, but 
involves others in the community. This, she believes, influences community 
members by demonstrating alternative ways ofmothering (choices) and that all 
people do not share the same values nor behave in exactly the same way. She 
views her mothering as politically effective because she provides a role model 
of mothering for her daughters and others that actively resist patriarchy. 
Another mother views her choice to stay at home and raise her daughter 
as a way of defying the social institution of motherhood. By vocalizing her 
particular choice of staying at home, what she forgoes by choosing to stay at 
home, and how it relates to her politics, she believes challenges the assumptions 
people, including other feminists, hold about traditional female roles. Upon 
returning to the workforce in a job with a feminist organization, this woman 
finds herself battling discrimination from her feminist employers who do not 
recognize the value of her mother work while she was absent from the labour 
force. Because her work as a feminist mother is not validated, she finds herself 
both educating and politicizing those around her about her parenting choices. 
This, she argues, exemplifies living feminism through mothering. 
Three mothers who have chosen to home-school their daughters believe 
that by doing so they are teaching their children and others about feminism. 
Each of these mothers spoke about the damage done to their particular 
daughters by the school system, whether through the violence of sexism, 
racism, or intolerance and discrimination based on other "differences." These 
mothers show their daughters, and others, that they will not participate in a 
system which harms their children. Rather, they create alternative ways to 
educate their daughters in healthy environments which value children as 
unique individuals with particular needs. Home-schooling is therefore a 
feminist and political act for these women. 
Mothers live their feminism through their parenting by helping their 
daughters achieve an understanding of how patriarchy oppresses them. Moth- 
ers show them how social structures are not fair to women and children. They 
consciously raise their daughters to be critical of these structures and the roles 
defined for people according to differences in gender, race, ability, sexuality, 
and class. 
One mother shows her daughters ways in which the divorce law concretely 
102 1 Volume I ,  Number 1 
Living Feminism Through Motbm'ng 
affects their lives to explain inequality. A second mother explains the unjust 
local and global division of economic resources amongst children, women, and 
men while shopping. Another sits with her daughters when they watch TV to 
expose sexist, racist, abelist, homophobic, and class biases which are presented 
as the norm. 
Mothers live their feminism by actively demonstrating ways to resist 
patriarchy. They explain the links between the personal and the political in their 
children's lives and the power this has to bring about social change. For 
example, one mother supported her daughter who wanted to play soccer on the 
school team which was reserved only for boys. The daughter understood, from 
her mother's teachings, that not being allowed to play soccerwas sexist, unjust, 
and had to be challenged. With support from her family, the daughter was able 
to a c t  change in the rules of the school district and play soccer on the school 
team. Furthermore, due to the work of this girl and her family, other girls are 
now playing on their own soccer teams in this community. 
Another way to resist patriarchy is through making choices in our lives. 
The choices we make, thesewomen point out, are however not without sacrifice 
as they are made within the confines of patriarchal society. Mothers exemplify 
this by sharing with their children choices they have made and acknowledge 
both the costs and benefits of these. For example, the choice to raise children 
has meant going on social assistance for three women. A number of mothers 
know that the cost of choosing to stay at home is not having a pension and an 
income. Other mothers recognize the lack of time they spend with their 
daughters as the cost of working outside the home. The price for another 
mother who, due to financial constraints can not home-school, is to place her 
daughter in an educational program which is far from ideal. The consequence 
of making the choice of raising children for two mothers means putting their 
own education on hold. Children are not blamed for the costs ofmothering, but 
rather are shown how there are constraints placed on people's lives due to 
patriarchy. 
In addition to acknowledging the cost and benefits of choice, feminist 
mothers ensure that choice is a value they pass onto their daughters by 
encouraging them to make choices for themselves. At times these choices may 
not be ones mothers believe to be "best" for their daughters, yet they allow them 
the independence and freedom to learn the realities ofmaking personal choices. 
For example, one mother supported her daughter's wish to go to a religious 
school for a time until it did not satisfy the daughter's expectations or needs. 
Being an advocate for children in their choices also means providing 
chiidrenwith the skills required to livewith choices which maybe diff~cult. One 
mother supports her daughter's education in fashion design knowing full well 
that her daughter's designs do not fit the mould of the patriarchal fashion world. 
She and her daughter are both prepared for the hardships they will incur for not 
conforming to the dominant standard. 
Living feminism through mothering is illustrated in the support mothers 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothm'ng 1 103 
give their daughters to develop into human beings when they may not fit the 
stereotypical gender roles prescribed by patriarchy. One mother speaks of how 
she tries to empower her two daughters to be who they want to be. She does this 
by encouraging them to do whatever they want and be whoever they are, with 
the only restriction being the safety of her daughters and others. For this 
mother, living feminism through mothering is, in her own words, "helping 
someone to become strong, and to fulfill themselves. It's creation, it's develop- 
ment, it's assisting someone in growth and becoming." 
Conclusion 
As has been illustrated above, these women live their feminism through 
their mothering in various ways. Some women challenge the patriarchal role of 
mother by critiquing the institution of motherhood outright and by overtly 
motheringin ways other than those prescribed bypatriarchy. Other women use 
the "cover of mother" to subversively teach their children to challenge the 
injustices of patriarchy. In either case, these mothers live their feminism 
through their mothering by illustrating to their daughters, and others, the 
injustice of and need to eradicate patriarchy. 
All of these mothers acknowledge the immense power they have in the 
lives of their children. They counsel them to "be awake"; to know and be critical 
of the patriarchal system we live in. They choose to consciously educate and 
guide their daughters in ways that resist patriarchy by showing them how the 
personal is political and by encouraging them to be critical thinkers. Through 
the act ofsupporting their daughters to be who they want to be and in teaching 
them that they need not conform to damaging stereotypical gender roles, these 
mothers help foster positive self-esteem and self-confidence in their daughters. 
Raising empowered daughters, these feminist mothers argue, is one of the 
many steps required to bring about feminist social change. 
These 16 self-identified feminist mothers are living in southern Manitoba and 
are involved in research for my Interdisciplinary (Education, Sociology, Wom- 
en's Studies) Ph.D. at the University of Manitoba. 
2 1  use the term temporarily-able bodied to draw attention to the reality that 
most people become "disabled," whether through old age, through accident, or 
other life experiences. 
'A number of these women are also mothers of sons, and argue that they try to 
use their feminism in raising all of their children, regardless of sdgender. 
T h e  term patriarchy was used by both myself and the participants, and 
included discussion of its meaning. 
104 1 Volumc I ,  Number 1 


Living Feminism Through Mothering

Radbord, Joanne

Lesbian Mothers and the Law of Custody, Access and Child Support

Stutman, Suzanne

Suzanne Stutman 
The Secret 
I think about you, my mother, every day. And I wish that you could be my 
mother and not some stranger who only exists in my heart, in my deepest 
dreams. When I told you what happened so long ago, you didn't listen. And 
then you turned away again, as you had turned away from me so many years ago 
when I was just a very little girl. As I bring back the memories, jagged and 
bloody, fiom my past, I wonder where you were. How could you have not 
known? There were so many signs. 
Always I have hated sheets. When I was just a young mother myself I 
would wonder in some deep recess ofmy mindwhy1 hated so to fold them. And 
now I remember. For night after night it seemed to me, year after year, I would 
steal into the bathroom after he had left my room, sheets fiom my bed carried 
like a huge stuffed bunny within my arms, held against my stomach, and push 
them into the hamper. Then would begin the quick and furtive correction, 
either new sheets rearranged as best I could, or a towel to cover the spots, the 
wet, the smell, the secret. And you never found out the secret. Because you 
already knew the secret. You had made your decision not to see, for if you told 
you would be revealing a secret that would tear apart the fabric of things. I was 
not important enough or loved enough to be worth the consequences. So I 
remained from then to now, bleeding from my heart and from my eyes, with 
no one to see. 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 175 


The Secret

Feerick, Jean

Breasts: The Women’s Perspective on an American Obsession

Zeck, Jeanne-Marie

Book Reviews 
role ofscientific discourse in reinforcing dominant masculine power structures. 
Grant is aware that herlinkingofmaternal dominance and the sex ratio not only 
(re-)naturalizes sex roles many feminists have sought to deconstruct but also 
identifies mothers as the "natural" perpetuators of those sex roles: "There may 
be an irony here," she writes toward the end ofthe book, "in that it appears that 
women themselves, by their very nature, are the ones who maintain psychoso- 
ual sex differences" (180). As a result, she encourages women "to develop those 
potentials that are unique to women," to embrace their psychological-social- 
biological role in evolution (196). In the maternal dominance scheme, differ- 
ences in mothers' personalities "ensure the continuation of psychological sex 
difference, thereby laying the foundations for interpersonal relationships and 
maintaining the basic structure ofhuman society" (198). This "basic structure" 
seems to be women's dominance in the family and men's in society. A t  the heart 
of Grant's hypothesis lies unspoken, politically conservative assumptions about 
the role of women in human society as well as in human evolution. 
Going to an Aunt's: 
Remembering Canada's Homes for Unwed Mothers 
Anne Petrie 
Toronto: McClelland and Stewart, 1998. 
Reviewed by Jeanne Marie Zeck 
Feminists, sociologists, and historians will be pleased to know that Anne 
Petrie has researched a significant and often neglected phenomenon: homes for 
unwed mothers. Petrie's book is a social history of such homes in Canada 
focusing on the period from 1950-1970. Balanced, intelligent, and well- 
researched, this book offers a view of the sometimes well-meaning, but often 
judgmental and punitive culture that found it necessary to hide unmarried 
pregnant women. This is a well-integrated study Petrie draws on the work of 
historians, sociologists, and psychologists; she cites documents and adminis- 
trators from the homes; and, most effectively, she interviews the girls them- 
selves. Petrie's greatest offering is the voices of these women, some of whom 
have never before told their stories. Nearly all of the dozens of women Petrie 
interviewed were coerced into giving up their children for adoption. In her 
book, Petrie focuses on seven women, including herself. She tells each story 
sequentially beginningwith the relationship that resulted in pregnancy through 
to the days and months after each baby's birth. Theirs are powerful voices of 
204 1 Volume I, Number 1 
Book Reviews 
authority in this important volume of ~ersonal, national, and world history. 
A most salient and disturbing truth that Petrie describes is the dearth of 
information about sexuality, birth control, k d  child birth available during the 
middle ofthe twentieth century. Until 1969, distribution ofinformation about 
contraception and contraception itself was illegal (Petrie,1998: 120). Al- 
though the pill was developed earlier, doctors only ~rescribed it for married 
women. This was the era immediately before the Women's Movement and the 
sexual revolution transformed our lives. Petrie's book recovers a time when "an 
unwed pregnancy meant a girl's life was over in many ways. She couldn't go 
backto school, shewouldbe ruined for marriage" (Petrie,1998: 45). Many girls 
were thrown out of their own homes. M e r  telling her parents she was 
pregnant, AUie F. of Vancouver found "a note [from them] saying that she 
wouldn't be expected for dinner again, evern (Petrie,1998: 44). Yet Petrie 
resists labeling these young women as victims; instead, she records each 
individual woman's story and circumstance. The seven young women who are 
the focus of the book come from a variety of ethnic and class backgrounds and 
geographic locations from British Columbia to Newfoundland. 
Most of the homes for unwed mothers were run by churches: Roman 
Catholic, Protestant, Anglican, and Pentecostal. Others were run by govern- 
ment agencies and still others by individuals. Petrie states, "Like the circles in 
Dante's inferno, there is a kind of descending order of homes.. . . p e t  they] 
saved many [young women] from far worse fates" (61). She explains the social 
mores that resulted in the girls being shut away: "These girls had fallen . . . from 
the evil inherent in every [woman] .... She was the fount of original sin. 
Historically, it was this demonization of women that informed and under- 
mined much ofthe charitable Christian rescue workn (Petrie'1998: 78). Petrie 
illustrates how the patriarchal order robbed these women of their self-esteem 
and identities. Without the last name of the baby's father to legitimate her 
status as a mother, the young woman lost control of her identity. In the home 
she was stripped of her last name (her father's name) and, in some cases, 
assigned a new first name. Ostensibly these acts were performed to protect the 
girls; yet it was the girls' families who were actually spared the humiliation with 
which their "wayward" daughters threatened them. The girls were shut away 
from "decent" society, restricted from looking out windows and using the front 
door of the home. They learned the price of non-conformist individualism" 
(81). Whie  some girls felt they were imprisoned in the homes, for others, the 
homes were welcome havens from alcoholic, abusive families (Petrie,1998: 
55). Through interviews, Petrie offers portraits of several compassionate, well- 
loved directors of homes including Sister Frances Cabrini at Misericordia's 
Edmonton home and Molly Breen, who opened her own home in St. John's, 
Newfoundland "to girls in trouble." 
Expertly, Petrie reveals the commonalities of the experience: the lack of 
judgment or responsibility society placed on the fathers of the babies and the 
lasting effects of the experience on the young women: depression, loneliness, 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 205 
Book Reviews 
shame, rage, and the years of grieving for their lost children. Gone to anAunt3 
is a scholarly work that is accessible to undergraduate students. This is an 
excellent text for women's studies and sociology courses, students as well as 
general audiences and readers. 
"Bad" Mothers: 
The Politics of Blame in Twentieth-Century America 
Molly Ladd-Taylor and Lauri Umansky, Eds. 
New York: New York University Press, 1998 
Reviewed by Jill R. Deans 
This recent anthology is an amalgam of social and historical criticism 
use l l  to researchers, students, and anyone interested in the culture of blame 
that taints twentieth-century American motherhood. Editors Molly Ladd- 
Taylor and Lauri Umansky, whose own accomplished scholarship appears in 
the book, have gathered some impressive contributors, many well-known, 
others emergent, speaking from a range of disciplinary view points from the 
historical to the legal, the personal to the political. 
Divided by era (early, middle and late twentieth century), the volume 
demonstrates how ideas and stereotypes-like Philip Wylie's poisonous con- 
cept of momirm-took hold and shaped public and professional opinion. I t  
provides origins for the culture of expertise that continues to influence 
perceptions of "goodn and "badn mothers today. Different articles often refer 
to the same culprits-the Philip Wylies, Margaret Mahlers, social workers, 
therapists, and more recently, the courts, fetal rights groups and the media. 
Overlap between articles, however, builds consensus that the power ofuchoicen 
to determine and define motherhood, as Rickie Solinger describes it, does not 
always belong to mothers. 
While the anthology consists primarily of critics, it also contains a short 
selection of actual mom-bashing, presumably to historicize from a more 
primary angle. This section, however, offers a mere taste ofwhat the critics are 
reacting against. Individual articles work better to prove the injustice of those 
who blame mothers for everything from violent children to communism. 
Widely-published scholars like Elaine Tyler May, Katha Pollit, and Betty 
Jean Lifton contribute overviews which are more thoroughly explored in their 
own books. Still, they represent important touchstones for such issues as 
childlessness, fetal rights, and adoption, respectively. Paula Caplan's "Mother- 
Blaming," an excerpt from her popular book Don't Blame Mother, might be a 
206 1 Volume l, Number l 


Going to Aunt's: Remembering Canada's Homes for Unwed Mothers

Norman, Renee

Renee Norman 
Homeschooling 
November, 1992. 
Standing at the top ofthe snow-covered hill at the school, our circular sleigh in 
hand we have just kissed Rebecca and dropped her ofat the schoolroom door. Sara 
andErin are both standing by my side, beside the other mothers with their toddlers. 
Sara wants to slide down the hill with the otheryoung children, and I let her. Erin 
is too afi.ad ofthe hurtling speed, and remains with me, clinging to my coat. 
"Why isn't Sara in schoolf" a mother asks, interest in her voice. 
Dead silence. All the other mothers stop what they are doing, peeze-jame, 
watching me, waiting for me to speak, while the children laugh and slide in the 
background. 
"Because I am homeschooling her," I reply simply. Tight. Taut. Tart. 
(Because she hates school, I want to say. Very vulgar. Vogue. Vague.) 
Shocked silence. Moms U N  listening, then, "were you not happy?" asks this 
mother, not insensitively either. 
"Sara wasn't happy," I reply honestly. Polite. Proper. Ponderous. Pilfiater. 
(No, I wasn't happy, I want to say. We cried. Both ofus. When Sara began to 
cry and ran after me when it was time to kiss hergoodlye at the classroom door, and 
this went on for weeks on end, I cried too, I want to say.) 
"Oh, "comments the mother who asked. "Letigo, "say the others to their children, 
"we'vegot things to do. "Everyone disperses except Sara andErin andIwho are left 
standing at the top of the snow-covered hill. Alone with our circular sleigh, and Sara 
slides down the hill some more, as Erin pleads with us to go . . . 
In 1992 I pulled my daughter out of a competitive classroom where I 
watched her struggle to tie her laces fast enough to please a demanding and 
impatient teacher. An educator myself, I ached. I watched my daughter turn 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 121 
Renee Norman 
into a clingy, tearful child who could not seem to cross the threshold of the 
classroom door. 
I homeschooled my daughter Sara for a year until a new school planned 
for our neighbourhood was eventually built. I t  was a good year, a time of 
healing and renewal. Sara thrived in the comfort of home learning which was 
specially tailored to her dreamy, creative spirit. Then Sara willingly re-entered 
the school system once again, a fresh start. Although she had benefitted 
enormously from the year at my side, she needed others, too. I felt I needed 
more solitude and some time for myself. I had returned to university; I was 
writing. I did not feel I had the time or energy to homeschool any of my three 
daughters. 
Research attests to the academic and social benefits of homeschooling, a 
social movement growing in scope and popularity. Homeschooling is legal in 
Canada, with an estimated 50,000 homeschoolers, according to the Canadian 
Alliance ofHomeschoolers (not all register). Each province has different regu- 
lations: Saskatchewan requests a philosophy ofeducation and curriculum plan; 
Alberta evaluates progress with provincial achievement tests; B.C. has the 
most open policy, in place since 1989, requiring only registration. In 1983, 
Vancouver newspapers featured an unemployed Christian pipelayer who was 
being charged with neglect for homeschooling his children in a motel room! 
The homeschooling phenomenon is mainly one of choice, not necessity; 
of deliberation, not impulse. The decision to homeschool seems to stem from 
several sources. It maybe alifestyle choice that offers an alternative to the more 
regimented and less creative side ofpublic schooling. Or  parents maywish to 
homeschool in order to protect cherished and traditional family values and 
religious doctrine which they see undermined in the regular school system. 
Some parents homeschool children who simply do not fit the mold of public 
schooling, having physical, mental or emotional challenges. Or  some parents, 
like me, choose to homeschool because, for one reason or another, they are 
dissatisfied with their local school or their children are unhappy there. 
Homeschooling developed out of the educational reforms of the '60s and 
'70s, giving rise to a philosophy of unschooling (or deschooling): education 
based on the natural interests ofchildren learning from all aspects oftheir lives. 
The late John Holt, a pioneer of the homeschooling movement, believed 
compulsory schooling hurts children. 
"You have reached the 24-hour information line of the Homeschoolers' 
Association of Greater Vancouver," begins the taped message: lists of events 
and activities for children and families, announcements regarding network 
group meetings, a request for help bya single mother homeschooling her sons. 
Inserted oh-so-gently are reassurances the get-togethers are informal and 
non-religious in nature. 
Events such as the annual Not-Going-Back-to-School Picnic in Septem- 
ber draw hundreds ofhomeschoolers. With a name that thumbs its nose at the 
yearly commercial back-to-school drive (and the anticipation and relief felt by 
122 1 Volume l, Number l 
Homeschooling 
many parents), the picnic brings children of many ages and backgrounds 
together for a social event that promotes a different sense of community than 
that engendered in the schools. 
But there is a faction of families within the homeschoolers' network who 
have chosen to homeschool in structured and disciplined ways in reaction to 
what they see as the moral breakdown of a postmodern society. The 
homeschooling movement is composed of two main factions, the (religious) 
Idealogues and the (humanist) Pedagogues. 
The Moores, a Christian couple in the United States who have been 
promoting homeschooling since the '70s, espouse child-centred learning but 
also suggest that chiidren avoid fantasy, fairy tale, and myth. They believe that 
learning is best accomplished in the home, mainly by the mother. There  is no 
reason here to get into a feminist flap," theywrite in HomeschoolBurnout (1988) 
but the message seems dear. Much of the overall literature on homeschooling 
openly admits that it is mainly mothers who homeschool, but adds (politically 
and correctly) that fathers are important, too. 
But even the most traditional and fundamentalist of family values in 
homeschooling incorporates lots of individual attention related to children's 
interests and experience and the opportunity to adjust resources, curriculum, 
and methods as needed. No matter how regimented learning might be in the 
home, could it compare with schools where children line up to move from room 
to room, must get permission to go to the bathroom and eat at prescribed times 
of the day? 
Reading through a few issues of Quest, the "Canadian Home Educators' 
Digest," I find a description of one homeschooled day that would make the 
military cringe! I also find an ad for a book promoting that " . . . it has been 
ordained by God that the man rule his family and that the woman order and 
keep the home."Does this sound familiar, like right out ofthe Promise-keepers 
Movement? Award-winning novelist David Guterson, author of Family Mat -  
tm Why Homeschooling Makes Sense (1993), admits that homeschooling can be 
a social danger if it narrows children's experience "for political, social, or 
religious purposes." He claims homeschooling is no more sexist than anything 
else in a marriage but refers to the women's movement as something that has 
changed America thoroughly. His description of a mother who can hardly wait 
to get her chiidren off to school so she can parasail puts me in a feminist flap! 
When I'm out parasailing to the school where I teach once a week, I reflect 
that ironically, some of the benefits touted by homeschoolers are what many 
educators have been insisting upon for years. However, these measures are 
dificult and expensive to accomplish. 
But what about the social part of schooling? It's not just that kids need 
other kids and adults for interaction-many homeschoolers seem to be doing 
a fine job ofarranging opportunities for that. What about the pluralistic society 
we live in? Schools perform a social and community function by bringing 
diverse groups of children together and educating them in humanistic ways. 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothm'ng 1 123 
Are homeschoolers selling out on society? on the important reformative aspects 
of schooling? 
There is no doubt that homeschooling is changing our image of education 
and is a force to be reckoned with in the future. I know firsthand the benefits 
of homeschooling and the incredible demands it places on women. But if I 
didn't somehow believe that schools could potentially be safe, happy places 
where children learn and grow, I wouldn't still be teaching. Perhaps the best use 
ofall our time, energy, and resources calls for new concepts ofhow we can teach 
children in both the home and the school. 
References 
Carpay, John. 1995. "Home is Where the Teacher is." British Columbia 
Report. 25 Janurary: 20-25. 
Colfax, David and Micki Colfax. 1988. HomeschoolingforExcellence. NewYork: 
Warner Books. 
Common, Ron W. and Marilyn MacMullen. 1986. "Home Schooling ... A 
Growing Movement." Education Canada (Summer): 4-7. 
Divokey, Diane. 1983. "The New Pioneer of the HomeSchooiing Movement." 
Phi Delta Kappan 64 (6): 395-398. 
Guterson, David. 1993. Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense. San 
Diego, CA: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich. 
Holt, John. 1989. LearningAll The Time. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley. 
Holt, John. 1983. "Schools and Homeschoolers: A Fruitfd Partnership." Phi 
Delta Kappan 64 (6): 391-394. 
Holt, John. 1981. Teach Your Own. New York: Bantam/Doubleday/Dell. 
Knowles, J. Gary, et al. 1992. "From Pedagogy to Ideology: Origins and Phases 
of Home Education in the United States, 1970-1990." American Journal 
ofEducation (February): 195-230. 
Lamb, Jamie. 1995. "Technology Helps Make Home Learning a Real Op- 
tion." Vancouver Sun 28 April: A3. 
Moore, Rayrnond and Dorothy Raymond. 1988. Homeschool Burnout. 
Brentwood, TN: Wolgemuth and Hyatt. 
Powell, Johanna. 1994. "How to Teach Your Children Well: at Home." 
Financial Times ofcanada. 8 (14) Uanuary): 1,4. 
Newsletters, Magazines and Organizations: 
Quest: The Canadian HomeEducator's Digest (ed. Andre Dubuc) 1995, #l, #2. 
The Canadian AUiance of Home Schoolers, St. George, Ontario. 
Growing without SchoolingMagazine (ed. Susannah Sheffer), Holt Associates, 
Cambridge, Mass. 
Home Education News (ed. Claudia Beaven), Vancouver, B. C. 
Home Learners Network of Greater Vancouver and Home Learners Info. Line 
(contact: Diane Sandberg). 
124 1 Volume I ,  Number I 


Homeschooling

Rourke, Lorna

Lorna Rourke 
A Story of Names 
My son was born, my first child. I called him Joseph. Joseph was the name 
ofmy mother's brother, the one who died when he was nine. What was it that 
Joseph had died of? Itwas one ofthose things that killed children in those days. 
Pneumonia, perhaps? Or scarlet fever? One of those things that usually doesn't 
kill children any more. Anyway1 thought it would please my Morn to have our 
son named after Joseph, and it did. Now Joseph is almost seven, and my Morn 
doesn't know his name anymore. 
She hasn't seemed quite right for a few years-forgethl. Odd. She says 
things that don't make sense. But her behaviour has become more and more 
strange since Joseph was born. The summer he was a baby we went to the 
cottage with Morn and Dad for a weekend. Joseph slept in a portable crib in the 
back room, where Fred and I slept too. I t  was the middle of the night, and we 
were sleeping soundly. Morn burst through the door from the kitchen. She was 
frantic. "I have to find those children! I need to take care of them! They are 
calling for me!" There she was in her nightgown, in the dark of the cottage 
night, hysterical about some children. Joseph woke up and started to cry. What 
children was she talking about? Her younger siblings? My siblings? Children 
who didn't exist? 
It  was terrible to observe what was happening to Mom. Incidents like the 
one that night at the cottage began to happen regularly. I remember one Sunday 
afternoon when Morn and Dad came to visit us in Guelph. Morn always drove 
the car because Dad had lost his vision several years earlier. They got lost, and 
by the time they arrived, Morn was in a desperate state. Even when they were 
there and she saw me she still wasn't sure she had come to the right place. W e  
live in a condominium called "Guelph Villa." She got out of the car and walked 
with me to our front door, lamentingover and over again, "Where is the Guelph 
176 1 Volume I ,  Number 1 
Villa? I just can't find it!" She didn't realize she had found it. 
It took many months, but all of us finally admitted that something had to 
be done. This knowledge came slowly over time. Alzheimer's disease is like 
that--it creeps toward you, and then one day you realize it has stolen your 
mother from you before you've had time to say goodbye or to thank her for being 
such a great Mom. 
I remember the day my eldest sister Mimi called. She is a nurse, and the 
oldest, so she does a lot of the hard things. She told me there was a room 
available for Mom in a nursing home. There I was with a two-year-old and 
another infant, Samuel, named after his great-grandfather, and my Mom was 
being moved to an Alzheimer's ward at a nursing home. My friends had 
mothers who took their kids to the zoo and to Disney World. I had a mother 
who didn't know that Sam was her grandson. She had forgotten Joseph's name. 
She had forgotten my name too, even though she chose it herself. 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 177 


A Story of Names

Rexha, Fakete

Fakete Rexha 
Never Sure of Love 
Are we or mothers those who raise children with eyelashes 
and brows and lips that frown from expectations 
over which bends the silver and fluid mouth without pardon 
And when the age breaks and our summer love wanders 
along with the odour of daybreak out of those we bore 
Are we or mothers those who cook them deep-deep inside 
our children with nine skins 
O r  maybe we are the one that is sown and grows up flowers 
W e  neither see them while they climb our chest 
after the smell of milk and their call is their help 
With the first star at the window we adorn their forehead 
and the world of miracles we hang on to their small bodies 
Once it breaths with no rhythm no music, we guard it 
from the evil, from the ugly, from foreigners 
It everyday drives away our Springs 
and we wake up with the old ones 
richer for a new wrinkle, a new grizzle and insomnia. 
I t  hardly lets us open the eyelid, stretch our hand 
or crawl our leg. 
We  shut up exasperation within our bodies 
164 1 Volume l, Number l 
and keep up the face all in green purple 
whiie with lampshade we pull out suspicion from the room. 
We hang our heart onto it in guard 
hiding by the side of bed all night long. 
A small candle keeps up their company by the pillow 
which looks like a moon came down from the sky 
to cover the small fright 
Sadness at sleep whiie dreaming and by the small mouth 
that has no explanation. 
W e  explain everything smiling whilst taking it to lap. 
Motheis caressing makes it easier while it watches out 
the beloved voice, our kiss. 
From tip to toe a single grain of peas. 
Oh, sweet they are even when we wake up 
with our transparent and sleepy eyes. 
Do they grow up love within us 
forgive, close up and llfil l  everything about us? 
And when they grow up like a virgin forest 
and foreign feet would step onto. 
we subtilize our friendly love to them unforgettably. 
From inside of them they take out crudeness 
and their hearts are fill of stones, full of humps. 
And our children grow up, are loved 
and return back to their small birth away from roots 
away from Genesis 
from Origin 
from Homeland. 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 165 
