Reflective Practice - Formation and Supervision in Ministry (E-Journal)

Information about the Editorial Board and Author Guidelines

Seeger, Rod

Editorial Board and Author Guidelines

Reflections on CPE experiences of growth with CPE supervisor

Arkema, Carroll

A Poem: One Thing She Said, One Thing She Did

Hymn written for the Metropolitan Community Church of San Francisc

Damon, Daniel Charles

Hymn: Jesus, Partner, Lover, Friend

A description of the context, the integration of CPE into a Masto of Science Program, the integrated curriculum and the advantages and challenges of this unique program

Davis, Russell Haden

Tartaglia, Alexander

English

Integrating Clinical Pastoral Education into a Master's Degree Program at Virginia Commonwealth University

Stary, Reviewed by Dawn

Trauma and Grief: Resources and Strategies for Ministry, by R. Scott Sullender

Gillman, Reviewed by John

A Christian Theology of Chaplaincy, by John Caperon, Andrew Tod, and James Walters, eds.

Kelly, Tom

A Poem:  Giant Stand

Author shares a first person account of his work as an out transgender ACPE Certified Educator

Robins, Liam

Reflective Practice: Formation and Supervision in Ministry
ISSN 2325-2847 (print)*  ISSN 2325-2855 (online)
* © Copyright 2019 Reflective Practice: Formation and Supervision in Ministry
All Rights Reserved
The Power of Authenticity:  
My Journey as a Transgender ACPE Educator
Liam Robins
It started with graffiti. Graffiti in Center City, Philadelphia, changed my world. I had felt different all my life and thought it was due to being an only child. Then, in my twenties, when I figured out that I was attracted 
to women, I thought it was because I was a lesbian. All the years of therapy 
and CPE units helped me find new ways of communicating, coping, skill 
sets, etc. But the graffiti helped me find my core identity in a most unex-
pected and unusual way.
“Jesus loves transgenders.” That’s all it said.
Finally, as a forty-six-year-old, I began to understand and claim my 
identity as transgender. I now understood why I thought about the world, 
gender, myself, and even my clothes differently than others. I began a pain-
ful yet freeing process of coming out and transitioning to a more male-ori-
ented body and expression of myself in the world, in my family, and in my 
educational work as an ACPE certified educator—and it has made all the 
difference! 
I have always felt both masculine and feminine. Perhaps because of 
this disconnect from traditional female identity, I have always been uncom-
Liam Robins is the Manager of CPE and an ACPE certified educator with Main Line 
Health/Lankenau Medical Center, Wynnewood, Pennsylvania.  
Email: RobinsL@mlhs.org.
43
fortable in my body and in the clothes people expect me to wear. And more 
than that, I have always been uncomfortable with the assumptions and ex-
pectations people have of me due to my presumed gender. I wasn’t allowed 
to play the drums, take karate, or wear pants and high-top sneakers as a 
kid because those were not seen as appropriate activities or attire for a girl. 
Some of that may have been narrow interpretations of gender-conforming 
behavior and clothing, but it was not restricted to my family of origin nor to 
the cultural expectations of young girls.
After completing divinity school, I attended the mandatory psycho-
logical exam to be ordained, and the psychologist questioned me about my 
choice of clothes. When he asked me “Who taught you how to dress?” I was 
immediately filled with shame, confusion, and anger. I moved to a defensive 
position because I assumed he was being biased about my lesbian identity. 
He was on to something, but neither of us had the words for it. Instead of 
delving deeper, I closed down and filed him with the others who wanted me 
to look and behave differently based on feminine stereotypes. 
It is important that we all honor the feminine and masculine in each 
of us and in each of our students and the unique ways they shape us to be 
who we are.
The experience of being transgender
As a transgender person, I know intimately how it feels
• to be marginalized
• to be misunderstood by my mental health or medical providers
• to feel demonized by my faith group
• to have to fight for basic human rights as my government seeks to erase 
me
• to have my personal safety challenged by the culture and society in 
which I live
As a transgender person, I also know with greater intimacy than many 
other people the continuum of physical, emotional, and spiritual traits of be-
ing human. I am privileged to have carried and breast-fed our oldest child, 
and I am now privileged to walk down the street without the fear for my 
safety I carried as a woman. I understand the effects of hormones in my 
ROBINS
44
body during pregnancy and menses, and I also understand the sudden 
“boy puberty” in my middle-age years that resulted from weekly testoster-
one shots. My experience being both male and female affords me the oppor-
tunity to offer understanding to students of all genders. And I can create a 
different kind of safety for students to name themselves, however they are, 
and to talk about hard topics usually not discussed, such as sexuality, iden-
tity, trauma, and vulnerability. 
How my gender challenges men and women students
My transgender identity took on deeper significance for me with the 
#MeToo movement because I could relate to women’s experiences on a per-
sonal level yet could also challenge men differently since I am not perceived 
as a woman. I challenge men in two ways. The first and foremost is that I 
challenge the belief that women are objects men control or own. Second, and 
more important because it speaks to the quiet undercurrent of rape culture, 
I challenge men to take responsibility for themselves. 
This often comes up naturally in CPE groups as we discuss spiritual 
care and differing theologies or ideas about spirituality and how that inter-
plays with gender roles, identities, expectations, etc. I find myself wonder-
ing out loud, especially to my male CPE students, when they are going to 
get offended that they aren’t trusted to control themselves. They buy into 
the lie of our culture that constantly sends the message that women are so 
sexually powerful that men need to be protected from them. An example of 
this is religious communities where the men and the women are separated 
during services so the men won’t be distracted by the women. I think this is 
the opportune time to teach all people how to relate to each other as sacred 
valuable humans, which is a natural part of my theology. When we in es-
sence give permission for men to be distracted or tell them they can’t control 
themselves when told “No,” we strengthen the rape culture that spews lies 
about men not being able to help themselves and women asking for sex even 
when they are not. When confronted by this reality, most men are surprised. 
They have never stopped to think about how separating them from women 
enhances the rape culture, and they are often ashamed that they haven’t 
spoken up and stopped it from happening.
THE POWER OF AUTHENTICITY
45
CPE students who are women often feel supported by this challenge 
to the men and find themselves feeling comfortable with my style of super-
vision, which can feel “feminine” to them even though I present as male 
in my gender expression. My stories of raising kids, pregnancy, etc., also 
remind them of many shared experiences we have. One female student re-
cently commented that she had never had a successful relationship with a 
male supervisor before and that she felt safe with me because of my experi-
ence as male and female. That comment was very important to me because I 
believe there must be a base of safety for learning to occur in CPE. The pro-
cess is hard and at times feels very risky and vulnerable—but there has to 
be a base of safety for CPE to work ethically, educationally, and spiritually.
My Gender as an issue in supervision
As an ACPE certified educator, I have always been “out” as a lesbian 
woman and now as a transperson. I spoke my truth then and now partly to 
create safety for myself and partly as a screening tool for students. In the be-
ginning of my career, I used this screening tool more so the student could 
decide if they wanted to screen me out rather than so I might use it to re-
move them from the potential student list. Even in the South, many students 
who didn’t agree with my “lifestyle” would accept the offer to learn CPE un-
der my supervision. I would come out and tell them I understood that their 
theology or denomination did not have the same view on gays and lesbians 
as I did but that as long as they would be respectful to me and not try to 
change me, I wouldn’t try to change their view of sexual orientation either. I 
wanted them to be themselves with a sense of safety, respect, and autonomy. 
For meaningful learning to occur in CPE, safety, respect, and autono-
my need to be present for the student on many different levels: spiritually/
theologically, emotionally, and psychologically. Had I pushed students to 
accept me by agreeing with me, I would have been violating their autonomy 
and doing just what the church and others had done to me all my life—not 
allowing them to be themselves. Instead, I believed that through exposure, 
experience, and invited curiosity, people find ways to overcome barriers 
that others have given them along their journey. What surprised me was 
how many students’ views changed by the end of the unit(s) working with 
me. They began struggling with their old views as their experience of me as 
ROBINS
46
a spiritually gifted minister, experienced educator, and compassionate and 
faithful family person naturally challenged their old stereotypes of what I 
“should have” been like. I’ve only had one male student who struggled to be 
respectful of me as his educator. Although this reflected his biblical inter-
pretations and his faith affiliation, it was also a sign of his general resistance 
to learning and being stretched, which was not related to who I am. 
My role and impact in the Institution
Just as I spent many years being out as a lesbian woman, I trust that 
same process when I am working with students now as an out transgen-
der person. I still speak up about my experience and use my identity as a 
teaching tool with students and with my clinical environment. My hospital 
system is undertaking a Diversity Respect and Inclusion initiative to train 
all employees about issues of diversity and how to expand from tolerance 
to true inclusiveness. The interactive training model started two years ago 
when all the leaders (managers up to the CEO) participated in two days of 
training to help them understand the intersectionality of diversity. Their 
training was geared to empower them to work with diverse employees and 
to understand the importance of providing quality healthcare to everyone. 
All nonmanagerial employees are now taking a similar training that is one 
full day and focuses on providing patient care to diverse patients and fami-
lies. For both groups, the training also facilitates relationships among staff 
from diverse backgrounds. 
As an ACPE certified educator/chaplain, I am considered at the man-
agement level of leadership and thus participated in the two-day training 
model. The facilitator recognized my educational skills during that train-
ing and invited me to be part of the faculty and lead or co-lead sessions. I 
am out as a transperson as I lead these trainings in order to provide a living 
example of the need for the training. Through the training, I have the op-
portunity to demonstrate that people who are members of the GLBTQIAP 
community is a normal part of life and of our hospital system as well. There 
is something powerful about meeting face-to-face in this safe environment 
that can change a person’s perspective differently than didactic learning of 
facts and figures; the personal encounter has a greater impact in challeng-
ing perceptions and leading to positive change. Through using my voice, I 
THE POWER OF AUTHENTICITY
47
create safety for myself and for so many others who need a space to be safer 
so they can step out into it—safer for all kinds of diversity issues, not just 
gender identity and expression. 
Normalizing gender inclusivity
I can use my position of privilege in other ways to demonstrate my au-
thenticity and make diverse gender expression part of normative culture. 
Currently, my signature on my work emails includes my preferred gender 
terms (they and he variants). I have not had any students complain about my 
being transgender, but I have had students wonder why I talk about it and 
ask, “When will you stop doing that?” My response is that I will stop when 
it isn’t needed anymore. I’ll stop when everyone is safe to be themselves, 
whatever that is—gay, trans, black, Asian, etc. I think the first screening tool 
I now have with potential students is my email signature, and once they see 
it they can choose to apply to our CPE program or go elsewhere. This subtle 
yet present way of expressing myself is itself a coming out with each email 
I send. Being transgender allows me to discuss how gender is a social con-
struct that we live within. 
The power of the authentic
When I was a student in ACPE CPE, I saw my CPE experience as a time 
of growth personally and professionally. I still think of CPE as a process that 
invites each individual to be authentic, experience personal growth, learn 
compassionate skill sets, and experience being part of “healing” themselves 
as well as those to whom they offer spiritual care. Early in my training pro-
cess to become a certified educator, I received some pushback on having 
children during my process because it would slow me down. I countered 
that if CPE is all about being authentic, that meant I should not stop living 
while I engaged the CPE training. That is still true for me as a transgender 
educator; I need to bring my authentic self to my work and personal life. 
Our power in our ministry is being authentic; it is only fitting that I use 
my whole self as a differently gendered person and share how that iden-
tity changes how I see and experience the world, G-d, others, and myself. 
ROBINS
48
This “truth” about authenticity is what I live and teach to CPE students, es-
pecially if there is a barrier in their faith group to who they are. None of us 
can minister well if we are using our emotional and spiritual energy to hide 
ourselves from those who will judge us. Because I know the power of safety, 
privilege, and authenticity—and I know the harm that comes from not be-
ing safe, from powerlessness, and from hiding—my theology of hospitality 
remains strong as I look to the margins for the unheard, invisible, and dis-
enfranchised. My trans identity is a gift I bring to my students as a power-
ful teaching tool, and I will continue to utilize it until there is no more need 
for it. Through Judaism, I have learned the saying, “Until we are all free, we 
are no one of us free.” I seek to live by that saying and to bring it into my 
CPE experience.
NOTES
1 Emma Lazarus (1883), as quoted in “A Quote from Epistle to the Hebrews,” Jewish 
Women’s Archives, https://jwa.org/media/quote-from-epistle-to-hebrews. Most peo-
ple are familiar with Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s use of similar words, but Laza-
rus wrote this much earlier. 
THE POWER OF AUTHENTICITY


The Power of Authenticity: My Journey as a Transgender ACPE Educator

Annual Award given to ACPE Certified Educator Candidate for quality theory paper writing.Address presented by Ralph Ciampa to an ACPE Region 2017

Sullender, Scott

SECTION 4: SPECIAL ESSAYS AND ADDRESSES

Linderman, Reviewed by Emily

A Clinician's Guide to Gender-Affirming Care: Working with Transgender & Gender Nonconforming Clients, by Sand C. Chang, Anneliese A. Singh and m, dickey

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