ScholarWorks @ SeattleU (Seattle University)

Nelson, Jack

Fragments 
Volume 62 Interlude Article 29 
2020 
Samson 
Jack Nelson 
Seattle University 
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Recommended Citation 
Nelson, Jack (2020) "Samson," Fragments: Vol. 62, Article 29. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol62/iss1/29 
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1
Nelson: Samson
Published by ScholarWorks @ SeattleU, 2020


English

Samson

Skinner, Luke

Fragments 
Volume 62 Interlude Article 25 
2020 
Lines 
Luke Skinner 
Seattle University 
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Recommended Citation 
Skinner, Luke (2020) "Lines," Fragments: Vol. 62, Article 25. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol62/iss1/25 
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Skinner: Lines
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Lines

Caldwell, Quincey

Fragments 
Volume 62 Interlude Article 22 
2020 
The Fool 
Quincey Caldwell 
Seattle University 
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Recommended Citation 
Caldwell, Quincey (2020) "The Fool," Fragments: Vol. 62, Article 22. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol62/iss1/22 
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1
Caldwell: The Fool
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The Fool

Carlos, Margery

Fragments 
Volume 62 Interlude Article 28 
2020 
Untitled 
Margery Carlos 
Seattle University 
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Recommended Citation 
Carlos, Margery (2020) "Untitled," Fragments: Vol. 62, Article 28. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol62/iss1/28 
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1
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Untitled

Silverman, Madeline McNamara

Fragments 
Volume 63 Pivot Article 9 
2021 
Selected Body Stories 
Madeline McNamara Silverman 
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Recommended Citation 
Silverman, Madeline McNamara (2021) "Selected Body Stories," Fragments: Vol. 63, Article 9. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol63/iss1/9 
This Prose is brought to you for free and open access by ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. It has been accepted for 
inclusion in Fragments by an authorized editor of ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. 
Selec ed Bod  S ories, 1996-- 2021
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Silverman: Selected Body Stories
Published by ScholarWorks @ SeattleU, 2021
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Fragments, Vol. 63 [2021], Art. 9
https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol63/iss1/9
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Silverman: Selected Body Stories
Published by ScholarWorks @ SeattleU, 2021
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Fragments, Vol. 63 [2021], Art. 9
https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol63/iss1/9
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5
Silverman: Selected Body Stories
Published by ScholarWorks @ SeattleU, 2021


Selected Body Stories

Editors of Fragments

Fragments 
Volume 66 Parallel Article 3 
2024 
Letter from the Editors 
Editors of Fragments 
Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments 
Recommended Citation 
Editors of Fragments (2024) "Letter from the Editors," Fragments: Vol. 66, Article 3. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol66/iss1/3 
This Letter from the Editors is brought to you for free and open access by the Seattle University Journals at 
ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. It has been accepted for inclusion in Fragments by an authorized editor of ScholarWorks 
@ SeattleU. 
To look misery in the eye 
A letter from the editors-
Readers, 
We are elated to present this year's issue of Fragments. We 
have worked tirelessly all year to bring you the best pieces 
of prose and poetry, and some amazing works of visual art. 
Fragments has been a part of Seattle University for over 50 
years, uplifting young writers and artists, publishing 
innovative work year after year. Since COVID, we have 
been publishing only online, but it feels right to finally 
release a printed issue again. 
We are so grateful to every author and artist for submitting 
amazing work - we couldn't do this without them. We hope 
you enjoy the work published in this magazine, and don't 
forget to head over to our website, sufragments.com, to see 
more poetry and prose! 
The student editors for Fragments 


Letter from the Editors

Paco, Isabella

Fragments 
Volume 66 Parallel Article 11 
2024 
Natures Natural Disaster: Forgiveness 
Isabella Paco 
Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments 
Recommended Citation 
Paco, Isabella (2024) "Natures Natural Disaster: Forgiveness," Fragments: Vol. 66, Article 11. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol66/iss1/11 
This Poetry is brought to you for free and open access by the Seattle University Journals at ScholarWorks @ 
SeattleU. It has been accepted for inclusion in Fragments by an authorized editor of ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. 
Nature's Natural Disaster: Forgiveness by Isabella Paco 
Forgiving yourself is the hardest thing 
you will ever do 
Does the sun ever say sorry for its 
scalding brightness? 
Have the waters apologized for its tidal 
waves? 
Do they hate themselves for all their past 
mistakes? 
All the times a building was torn down 
through tsunamis 
Do they look back and say 
I'm undeserving, unworthy, unlovable? 
How do they breathe at night? 
Is nature apologetic for simply existing? 
Unclenching their fists 
Their eyebrows releasing tension 
Can they finally be able to exist again? 
After everything I've done 
My hands stained in betrayal, the tears of 
someone else's hurt 
I can only shake in anticipation for the 
next mistake 
Watching their lips shake at my actions 
Disappointment burdening their 
shoulders 
I have proven them right by being wrong 
After all of this, how do I unapologetically 
become myself? 
A force of nature 
A walking natural disaster 
that I cannot regret 
The world is only forecasting my steps 
Only watching my every move 
As their glaring eyes watched me scream 
Wrath against the world 
Smashing buildings with my fists 
Tantrums of anger waiting to be 
understood 
But hurting everyone in the process 
Pushing against the walls that only seem 
to get closer 
As my mother reminds me, that this is all 
my fault 
And I can only shoot words like a missile 
Without the countdown button 
My mother reminds me 
I am the reason for the end of the world 
The catastrophe that always seem to occur 
How do you forgive yourself-
In all of this pain 
In all of this hurt 
Growing pains 
as I stretch myself tall 
Fingertips touching the roof 
Overlapping, intertwining with myself 
All knotted up like a pair of vines 
I want to get better 
But I am reminded of why I could not in 
the first place 
How do you forgive yourself 
For ruining lives 
For being spawned in a world that doesn't 
seem to want you 
Being told that you are forever unlovable 
How do I forgive myself? 
In all of this regret 
I've only ever learned pain. 
April by Kelsey Walker 
Parti 
The early springtime air full of life, 
but I am feeling nothing. 
Left empty like the trees in late winter. 
Longing for a warmer season, 
one with you here, with me. 
But you're gone, with the birds moving 
south, 
seeking nicer, warmer weather. 
A season has never been more finely 
shaped. 
Part 2 
The early springtime air full of life, 
I am finally feeling something. 
Tentatively blooming like trees in early 
spring. 
Headed toward the warmer seasons, 
ones where I can still feel your love. 
Watching the birds move freely, 
unafraid of the cold. 
A season has never been more finely 
shaped. 


Natures Natural Disaster: Forgiveness

Takushi, Megan

Fragments 
Volume 66 Parallel Article 16 
2024 
children on this enlightened path 
Megan Takushi 
Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments 
Recommended Citation 
Takushi, Megan (2024) "children on this enlightened path," Fragments: Vol. 66, Article 16. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol66/iss1/16 
This Poetry is brought to you for free and open access by the Seattle University Journals at ScholarWorks @ 
SeattleU. It has been accepted for inclusion in Fragments by an authorized editor of ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. 
Atop a Hill by Gina Roseman 
How do you explain to a 9 year old that one day frolicking in fields will prove too difficult 
that one day she will be the one taking pictures while everyone else plays everyone else plays 
everyone plays with everyone else who knows what next year will bring will this spring bring 
peace and knowledge and tranquility even joy maybe or maybe 
just more suffering and sleepless 
nights and cold feet in warm beds is 
this where im meant to be where 
am I meant to be I meant to be am 
I mean do you think im mean do you still 
want to grab dinner this week I don't know when ill be free 
next I don't know where ill be I don't know I don't know I know don't I 
come on tell me now do you follow this path can you lead me back to safety ive 
never been round these parts I could use your guidance or maybe just a torch if you've got a 
light I seem to have forgotten mine at home I mean my house my apartment my place I know 
its right by the door right where I left it right or left I forgot which way to turn at this fork in 
the road left or right it's a left right im pretty sure that's what you said right or was it left 
children on this enlightened path by Megan Takushi 
a baby cries & the body knows before the conscious 
brain electrodermal activity rock rock hush galvanic response 
goodnight sweetheart sung with low constant 
voltage for noninvasive measurement the hypothalamus wailing well it's time to go sugar 
water or sweet nonsucrose solution swaddled valsalva 
maneuver Once upon a time 
vassoconstriction caused by excessive exposure to cold six stoneJizo statues 
the snow was all tinted with the colors of dawn and there in the distance 
typhoon #6 marine division meaning the ground is mostly graves meaning Earth 
Bearer Earth Womb beloved Boddhisattva 
conservative estimate: -six dying languages like bombs ticking 
undertongue like teeth ticking in the gums like Kaminchu women 
exorcize satsuma and soldiers bow slow to Shiji a military 
pdf on how to respect the culture >2 pgs single spaced 
Kami curl their lips at these aluminum pistol grip steel stripped islands 
Noro Priestesses Shisa Queens Hajichi Hands hold the life after 
the deceived duodenum chemoreceptor carries the impulse & empties the gut 
american man needle sword to your throat what lullaby do you sing 
rocking a baby in a bright red blanket 


children on this enlightened path

Al-Sodani, Sajjad

Seattle University 
ScholarWorks @ SeattleU 
Bachelor of Science in Diagnostic Ultrasound 
Projects College of Nursing 
6-1-2025 
Right Atrial mass: Case Study 
Sajjad Al-Sodani 
Seattle University 
Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/dius-projects 
Recommended Citation 
Al-Sodani, Sajjad, "Right Atrial mass: Case Study" (2025). Bachelor of Science in Diagnostic Ultrasound 
Projects. 22. 
https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/dius-projects/22 
This Article is brought to you for free and open access by the College of Nursing at ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. It 
has been accepted for inclusion in Bachelor of Science in Diagnostic Ultrasound Projects by an authorized 
administrator of ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. 
Right Atrial mass: Case Study 
 
Sajjad Al-Sodani 
 
 
Abstract: 
Atrial mass is one of the most common types of heart tumor that grows in the chambers 
of the heart; specifically the upper chambers which are the right and left atrium. The 
cause of atrial masses are unknown and many scientists and doctors around the world 
do not know the reason for how they are developed and how they are able to grow so 
large. Many patients will have symptoms such as dizziness, difficulty breathing, chest 
pain, and even palpitations when they are suffering from a heart tumor such as an atrial 
mass. This case study will evaluate a 56 year old female patient who was brought into 
the hospital due to feeling pain in her chest. A TTE was performed and it was 
discovered that the patient had a right atrial mass that had the appearance of what is 
likely to be a myxoma. The mass was measured to be 1.39 by 1.55 cm. A TEE was 
performed the next day to evaluate the exact location and size of the mass. This case 
will highlight the important role of using different diagnostic imaging to help evaluate the 
patient and give a proper diagnosis.  
 
Keywords: 
Endocarditis, Vegetation, Myxoma, atrial mass, Heart tumor, Transesophageal 
echocardiogram (TEE), Transthoracic echocardiogram (TTE)  
 
 
Introduction: 
 Right atrial mass is a rare type of heart tumor that is not commonly seen in today's 
world. Many patients ages 40 to 60 years old in their adulthood often are diagnosed with 
atrial masses. Although many doctors around the world don't have an understanding of 
how they are caused; Researchers have identified that they are most commonly found 
in women and are often passed down through genetics and family generations. Right 
atrial masses usually grow and attach to the heart chamber and can cause the patient 
to have difficulty breathing and feel discomfort. In this case a 56 year old female with no 
medical history presented into the emergency department due to her having pain that 
she was feeling in her chest. The hospitalist ordered an TTE to help identify the answer  
of why she was having chest pain. When the echocardiogram was performed it 
appeared to show that the patient has a mass located just under her tricuspid valve in 
the right atrium which is what is causing her to feel discomfort and pain in her chest. 
 
Case Report:  
A 56 year old female was rushed in and presented into the emergency room with chest 
pain. A Transthoracic echocardiogram (TTE) was quickly ordered to help identify the 
reason why the patient was having chest pain. When the echocardiogram was 
performed a large atrial mass was discovered. The mass was found located in the right 
atrium underneath the tricuspid valve. Looking at it in the short axis and long axis view 
we discovered that it was not located on the tricuspid valve which helped us rule out  
tricuspid valve vegetation. The mass was measured at 1.39cm by 1.55cm. A few hours 
after the echocardiogram was performed a CT scan was ordered to help the doctors 
identify how large the mass is and where it was truly located. 
 
 
   
 
The following day a Transesophageal echocardiogram (TEE) was performed. A TEE is 
a procedure that is typically performed by the cardiologist. It is done by inserting a probe 
into the patient's esophagus; this helps give a better understanding and visual of the 
size of the mass and where it is located. The TEE showed the mass was attached in the 
right atrium chamber right under the tricuspid valve which is believed to have been the 
cause of her chest pain. When the procedure was completed we saw that the patient 
has a normal ejection fraction that is visually assessed at 55-60%, no wall motion 
abnormalities, normal tricuspid valve, and a mass located in the right atrium. Due to the 
mass the patient has a high chance of a stroke or heart attack. The patient will now be 
transferred to Tacoma general hospital where they will undergo surgery and get the 
mass removed. 
 
 
 
Discussion:  
A myxoma is a heart tumor that usually occurs mostly in Women. It is a tumor that is 
often attached in the atria and is usually inherited through family generations. In this 
study we see that the mass is located in the right atrium which is what is causing this 
patient's chest pain; When a mass of this size is located in the chamber of the heart it 
can cause the heart to feel compressed leading to shortness of breath and even blood 
flow obstruction; this causes the patient to feel tightening in their chest which is often 
how atrial masses cause chest pain.  
 
Ultrasound is one of the most important types of diagnostic imaging that can be used to 
help identify and diagnose a right atrial myxoma. In this case a TTE was performed that 
was able to help us discover the mass and how large it was. The following day the 
cardiologist performed a TEE procedure which helped us diagnose that the patient had 
a right atrial mass and rule out tricuspid valve vegetation. Using ultrasound imaging 
allows us to get a better visualization of what it is we need to look at and puts the 
patient in the best possible situation to get back to feeling healthy.  
 
One of the best ways to treat severe atrial masses is to surgically remove it completely. 
If left untreated it can cause the patient to have a heart attack or stroke and can even 
lead to death if the mass gets too large.  
 
 
 
Conclusion:  
The utilization of different diagnostic imaging and other imaging resources is very 
important when it comes to severe cases like this. Being able to get a clear visual of the 
mass and its size and where it is located allows the doctors to give a proper diagnosis 
to the patient and will help them know how to proceed moving forward; by using these 
resources the doctors decided to proceed and transfer the patient over to tacoma 
general where the mass was completely removed surgically.  
 
Suggestions for improvement for future cases is to continue to use the proper diagnostic 
imaging to give a better understanding of the severity of this case. I believe doing TTE, 
TEE, CT scans and even MRI’s will be able to help give doctors the best possible 
chances to succeed. These suggestions can help reduce health disparity in the future 
and keep patients treated properly.  
 
Ethics Approval 
 
Ethics approval was not used for this case due to it being for education purposes.  
 
Informed Consent 
 
Informed consent was not needed for this case study because the data was 
de-identified.  
 
Declaration of conflicting Interest 
 
The author declares that there are no conflicts of interest with respect to the research, 
authorship, and publication of this article.  
 
 
Funding 
 
The author received no financial support for the research, authorship, and publication of 
the article.  
 
 
References:  
 
1. Griborio-Guzman, A. G., Aseyev, O. I., Shah, H., & Sadreddini, M. (2022). Cardiac 
myxomas: clinical presentation, diagnosis and management. Heart (British 
Cardiac Society), 108(11), 827–833.  
https://doi-org.proxy.seattleu.edu/10.1136/heartjnl-2021-319479  
 
2. Hsi, D. H., Sosa, A., Miller, W., Oren, T., Koulova, A., & Coady, M. A. (2021). A giant 
right atrial myxoma-The growth rate and multi-modality imaging. 
Echocardiography (Mount Kisco, N.Y.), 38(6), 1057–1060. 
https://doi-org.proxy.seattleu.edu/10.1111/echo.15049   
 
3. Laxminarayan, R., Matsoso, P., Pant, S., Brower, C., Røttingen, J. A., Klugman, K., & 
Davies, S. (2016). Access to effective antimicrobials: a worldwide challenge. 
Lancet (London, England), 387(10014), 168–175. 
https://doi-org.proxy.seattleu.edu/10.1016/S0140-6736(15)00474-2   
 
4. Babs Animashaun I, Akinseye OA, Akinseye LI, Akinboboye OO. Right Atrial 
Myxoma and Syncope. Am J Case Rep. 2015;16:645-647. Published 2015 Sep 21. 
doi:10.12659/AJCR.894513 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26390076/  
 
5. Iung B, Rouzet F, Brochet E, Duval X. Cardiac Imaging of Infective Endocarditis, 
Echo and Beyond. Curr Infect Dis Rep. 2017;19(2):8. 
doi:10.1007/s11908-017-0560-2 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28233189/  
 
6. Hsi DH, Sosa A, Miller W, Oren T, Koulova A, Coady MA. A giant right atrial 
myxoma-The growth rate and multi-modality imaging. Echocardiography. 
2021;38(6):1057-1060. doi:10.1111/echo.15049 
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33847417/  
 
7. Mankad R, Herrmann J. Cardiac tumors: echo assessment. Echo Res Pract. 
2016;3(4):R65-R77. doi:10.1530/ERP-16-0035 
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27600455/  
 
8. Li X, Luo H, Hou J. Atrial septal hematogenous cyst with calcification mimicking 
myxoma: A rare case. Echocardiography. 2023;40(9):1021-1023. 
doi:10.1111/echo.15672 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37589953/  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Right Atrial mass: Case Study

Whittock, Josephine

Fragments 
Volume 65 Lust Article 13 
2023 
sillage 
Josephine Whittock 
Seattle University 
Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments 
Recommended Citation 
Whittock, Josephine (2023) "sillage," Fragments: Vol. 65, Article 13. 
Available at: https://scholarworks.seattleu.edu/fragments/vol65/iss1/13 
This Prose is brought to you for free and open access by the Seattle University Journals at ScholarWorks @ 
SeattleU. It has been accepted for inclusion in Fragments by an authorized editor of ScholarWorks @ SeattleU. 
sillage 
By	Josephine	Whittock
My	first	girlfriend	loved	to	wear	lemongrass	perfume.	It	was	what	caught	my	
attention	when	we	first	met;	such	an	unusual	note,	fresh	lemon	accentuated	by	
spicy,	herbal	undertones.	It	was	so	evocative	of	her,	her	energy	and	temperament.	I	
later	learned	that	she	collected	multiple	perfumes	that	featured	that	lemongrass	
scent,	one	of	which	she	had	made	herself.	In	that	way,	she	was	also	my	introduction	
to	my	new	favorite	hobby.	 
Our	relationship	didn’t	last	forever,	ending	in	an	exchange	more	explosive	than	
either	of	us	were	expecting,	but	it	lasted	long	enough	for	her	to	get	me	fully	hooked	
on	homemade	perfume.	She’d	walked	me	through	every	step,	uncharacteristically	
patient;	sterilizing	the	bottles,	adding	in	the	fragrance	oil	note	by	note,	leaving	it	to	
mature	for	a	day	or	two	in	a	dark	cupboard.	She	told	me	she’d	even	tried	making	her	
own	infused	oils	once;	leaving	the	stalks	in	a	jar	filled	with	coconut	oil	for	two	entire	
months.	It	hadn’t	been	as	strong	as	the	commercially	available	packs	she’d	bought,	
but	it	was	hers.	She’d	managed	to	preserve	something	she	loved,	and	now	she	could	
take	it	with	her	everywhere.	That	was	what	mattered.	I'd	been	enraptured	from	the	
very	beginning,	watching	her	hands	as	they	measured	out	drop	after	drop,	careful	as	
anything.	It	was	one	of	the	last	happy	memories	I	had	of	being	with	her.	 
I	liked	the	idea	of	keeping	something	like	that.	Holding	it	to	my	chest,	letting	it	linger	
on	my	skin,	a	snapshot	of	joy	and	comfort.	My	first	attempt	was	sloppy,	to	be	sure;	
I’d	overdone	it	on	the	heart	note,	smothering	the	rest.	I	just	couldn’t	resist	adding	
that	lemongrass	oil,	capturing	what	I’d	loved	about	my	girlfriend	in	a	bottle.	The	
final	product	felt	one-dimensional,	lacking	somehow.	But	it	was	okay,	because	next	
time	I’d	do	better.	 
My	next	lover	favored	warm,	cozy	scents;	amber	and	resin	and	musk.	I	liked	this	
about	them,	because	amber	notes	were	most	often	synthetic	and	could	easily	be	
purchased	online.	They	always	laughed	when	I	rambled	to	them	about	the	troubles	
with	my	new	hobby,	clumsy	puppy-like	attempts	to	try	new	things	that	faltered	due	
to	my	lack	of	experience.	I	didn’t	like	that	about	them,	when	I	really	think	about	it.	
They	laughed	a	little	too	easily,	a	little	too	condescending	to	convince	me	I	wasn’t	
the	true	butt	of	the	joke.	But	whenever	I	buried	my	nose	into	the	crook	of	their	neck	
to	hide	the	tears	pricking	up	at	the	corners	of	my	eyes,	I	could	always	smell	those	
delicious	amber	notes.	Maple	syrup.	Pine	tar.	It	was	comfort	in	and	of	itself;	it	made	
their	embrace	feel	inviting	and	warm,	even	if	their	whispered	commentary	into	my	
ears	said	otherwise.	I’m	allowed	to	like	that	memory	about	them,	at	least.	Savor	that,	
even	if	every	other	recollection	is	stained.	 
 
I’m	just	grateful	they	got	bored	of	me	first.	It	was	to	be	expected,	the	way	they	acted	
near	the	end.	And	the	beginning.	Throughout	it	all,	really.	It	didn’t	matter.	I	had	my	
amber	accords	to	remember	them	by.	That	was	enough,	even	if	it	wasn’t	perfect.	 
  
If	you	asked	me	whether	I	intentionally	looked	for	someone	whose	scent	was	as	far	
away	from	amber	as	you	could	get,	I	would	deny	it.	But	it	certainly	was	a	fortunate	
coincidence	that	the	next	man	I	fell	into	bed	with	liked	green	notes,	coriander	and	
patchouli.	I	always	hated	green	notes.	They	were	just	too	bitter,	near-acrid;	those	
sharp,	herbal	scents	always	smelled	artificial	to	me.	But	I	thought	maybe	this	time	I	
should	try	something	new,	expand	out	of	my	comfort	zone.	My	own	hobby	was	
coming	along	leaps	and	bounds.	I’d	been	using	grain	alcohol	as	my	carrier	for	the	
longest	time,	the	cheapest	grocery-store	vodka	I	could	get	my	hands	on.	But	as	I	
sunk	my	fingers	deeper	and	deeper	into	this	new	interest,	I	invested	in	real	
perfumer’s	alcohol.	Fancier	bottles	for	the	final	product.	Coconut	oil	and	mason	jars.	 
 
I	fell	out	of	love	with	my	boyfriend	as	I	fell	further	in	love	with	my	craft.	When	he	
gently	chided	me	for	forgetting	to	eat,	I	invited	him	into	my	workspace	to	see	how	
my	newest	blend	reacted	with	his	skin.	When	he	asked	why	I	insisted	on	sleeping	so	
close	to	him	at	night,	I	reminded	him	about	love	languages	and	skin	hunger	and	
obligation.	As	any	good	partner	should,	really.	And	as	our	recent	nightly	tradition	of	
raised	voices	and	harsh	words	came	to	a	close,	I	would	sequester	myself	away	and	
research	the	pros	and	cons	of	artificial	musks.	Every	new	suggestion	on	my	part	of	
experimenting	with	something	fresh,	or	spicy,	or	warm,	he	would	always	return	
with	that	sickening	coriander	scent	daubed	on	his	wrists,	as	if	to	spite	me.	It	didn’t	
suit	him.	Sometimes	I’d	imagine	some	other	scent	clinging	to	his	clothes,	his	skin,	
and	the	thought	warmed	me	more	than	his	actual	embrace	did.	The	faux-memory	
was	always	so	much	more	appealing	than	the	real	thing.	 
  
I	didn’t	bother	with	green	notes	after	the	first	few	attempts.	They	never	came	out	
right.	It	was	easier	to	focus	on	what	I	knew,	that	familiarity	and	comfort	I’d	been	
seeking.	Wasn’t	that	justified?	It	felt	that	way	to	me,	at	least.	It	didn’t	matter	if	they	
weren’t	the	ones	he	liked.	Why	should	I	concern	myself	with	the	opinions	of	
someone	who	didn’t	even	care	enough	to	stay?	At	least	I	bothered	to	remember	him	
at	all,	and	in	a	better	way	than	he	ever	deserved.	 
  
Nobody	ever	seemed	to	be	the	perfect	fit.	With	every	failure,	every	bitter	and	angry	
parting,	my	projects	evolved,	more	daring	with	every	attempt.	I	attempted	
gourmands,	rich	vanilla	and	sugar,	after	a	girlfriend	complained	about	a	lack	of	
personal	space.	Cedar	and	rosewood	came	with	a	partner	who	accepted	a	fifth	gift	of	
perfume	much	less	graciously	than	the	four	that	came	before	it.	Ungrateful.	I	even	
tried	working	with	stranger	smells,	gasoline	and	blood	and	smoke,	after	a	partner	
suggested	trying	something	weirder,	stranger.	They	chickened	out	in	the	end,	
weren’t	that	serious	about	it,	but	it’s	the	thought	that	counts.	 
  
I	packed	flower	petals	and	blackberry	leaves	into	mason	jars,	let	them	sit	for	months	
to	truly	make	their	scents	my	own,	something	comforting	and	familiar.	Every	blend	
was	a	piece	of	the	people	who	left	my	life,	the	best	parts	of	them	that	I	could	take	
with	me.	It	was	so	easy	to	focus	on	the	good	parts,	pick	and	choose	the	scents	I	
wanted	and	leave	the	rest	behind.	Why	would	I	focus	on	what	had	gone	wrong,	
when	I	could	remember	all	the	nice	things	instead?	The	comfort	of	amber	on	the	
skin,	the	sweetness	of	vanilla	behind	the	ears,	what	could	have	been	fresh,	clean	
notes	on	his	wrists	if	he	had	just	listened.	All	the	unpleasantness	strained	out,	their	
memory	relegated	to	each	of	my	pulse	points.	 
  
It	was	just	a	better	method	of	preservation.	It	hurt	less,	to	be	certain.	That	awful,	
gut-wrenching	feeling	of	loneliness,	of	wrongdoing,	could	be	kept	at	bay.	They	were	
never	quite	perfect,	but	that	was	alright,	wasn’t	it?	No	matter	my	efforts,	I	remain	a	
self-taught	amateur	(professional	classes	bored	me	to	tears;	I	dislike	being	bossed	
around	when	I	know	what	I’m	doing),	and	I	was	trying	my	best.	I	would	keep	trying,	
again	and	again,	even	if	it	killed	me.	I	experimented	with	different	materials;	carrier	
oils,	different	suppliers,	plastic	versus	glass	versus	ceramic.	Left	the	blends	for	
different	lengths,	different	proportions,	different	ratios.	 
  
Even	my	most	complex	blends	felt	hollow.	Saccharine.	Flat.	Like	something	vital	had	
been	scooped	cleanly	from	inside	them,	leaving	nothing	but	empty	space	where	it	
had	been. 
  
It	couldn’t	be	anything	I	was	doing.	It	just	couldn’t.	I’d	put	so	much	effort	into	getting	
it	right,	mastering	my	craft,	perfecting	that	memory	until	it	didn’t	hurt	to	think	
about	anymore.	Sleep	was	an	obstacle	and	regular	meals	more	of	a	bother	than	
anything	else;	everything	that	got	in	the	way	of	my	work	could	be	pushed	aside	until	
I	figured	out	what	was	missing,	what	was	lacking.	Isn’t	that	a	sign	of	highest	
devotion?	I	distilled	my	love	until	everything	that	made	me	feel	cold,	sterile,	unloved	
dissipated,	until	only	the	best	parts	remained,	the	parts	that	didn’t	hurt	to	think	
about.	But	nothing	ever	felt	correct,	nothing	fully	captured	the	essence	of	what	I’d	
had.	What	was	I	forgetting?	What	was	I	doing	wrong?	 
  
It	wasn’t	my	fault.	It	wasn’t	my	fault.	 
 
It	took	me	weeks	before	I	came	to	my	final	conclusion.	It	was	honestly	laughable,	
how	simple	it	all	seemed	once	the	pieces	fell	into	place.	I	couldn’t	stop	laughing	for	
hours	afterwards.	 
  
I’d	never	interrogated	my	ingredients.	If	all	else	fails,	one	looks	to	the	source,	right?	
Commercial	fragrance	oils	are	all	well	and	good,	but	there’s	something	about	raw	
material	that’s	just	so	much	more	authentic.	True	to	life.	Maybe	that	could	give	me	
the	depth	I’d	been	lacking,	the	insight	into	the	memories	I’d	tried	my	best	to	
replicate.	Maybe	it	could	give	me	an	answer.	 
  
It	wasn’t	anything	I’ve	been	leaving	out,	of	course	not.	It	was	what	I	hadn’t	been	
adding	in.	 
  
Hair	is	close	enough	to	fur,	when	you	really	think	about	it,	and	isn’t	that	common	
enough?	And	leather	makes	for	a	good	base	as	well.	Musk	is	already	called	a	skin	
scent,	and	I’ve	worked	with	that	thousands	of	times.	It’ll	be	a	good,	stable	foundation	
to	build	on.	I	think	I	could	use	that	more	than	anything.	 
  
The	more	I	thought	about	it,	the	more	it	made	sense.	It	will,	of	course,	take	a	while	to	
execute	properly,	but	I	have	nothing	but	time	now.	Time	to	spend	planning,	learning,	
preparing.	It’ll	take	effort,	but	anything	like	this	is	worth	putting	effort	into,	right?	
I’ll	put	the	work	in.	I’ll	make	sure	I’m	doing	things	right	this	time.	With	this,	the	next	
one	has	to	be	better.	 
  
And	the	one	after	that,	and	the	one	after	that.	 
  


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