Digital Commons @ Butler University

Strange Beginnings  is a short story collection consisting of four short stories. Some of these stories go together and some stand alone. All of them aim to evoke something in the reader, whether it be shock, joy, unsettledness, or something more

El-Amin, Lincoln-Abdullah Hasan

English

Strange Beginnings

Delargy, Kiera

Climate Change and Monarch Butterfly Population Decline

Rabindran, Anjali

Ovid 
Volume 1 Writing from Butler University's First 
Year Seminar 2023-2024 Article 67 
2024 
Second Place - Painting Uncertainty 
Anjali Rabindran 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/ovid 
Recommended Citation 
Rabindran, Anjali (2024) "Second Place - Painting Uncertainty," Ovid: Vol. 1 , Article 67. 
Retrieved from: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/ovid/vol1/iss1/67 
This Essay is brought to you for free and open access by the Undergraduate Scholarship at Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. It has been accepted for inclusion in Ovid by an authorized editor of Digital Commons @ Butler 
University. For more information, please contact digitalscholarship@butler.edu. 
 114 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Painting Uncertainty   
Anjali Rabindran 
  
 
“See you later, Mom," I said, tears streaming down her cheeks as I left for my first day at university. 
Sitting in my unfurnished dormitory, the harsh reality washed over me. I was completely on my own 
now, with no one to guide me. Gone were the home-cooked meals, the family movie nights, and the 
familiar comforts that had been my sanctuary for so long. This was the stark face of change—one 
moment you were nestled in your childhood haven, and the next you were thrust into classes with 
people of all backgrounds, and professors who seemed to talk endlessly. Embracing this newfound 
independence felt akin to an artist standing before a blank canvas, both daunting and exhilarating. 
The prospect of creating a masterpiece from scratch loomed large, where every stroke, color, and 
texture would etch the story of my life.    
Diving into the vast canvas of uncertainty felt like painting an expansive scene. With each 
stroke, I realized my place in the composition, understanding how my presence influenced the world 
around me. No longer a wide-eyed teenager, my decisions now held weight, as if they defined my 
entire existence. I tried desperately to anticipate every misstep and to make decisions that would 
ensure my success. Yet, this frantic planning only blinded me to the bigger picture. I had become so 
engrossed in mapping out my future that I missed the beauty of the present moment. The masterpiece 
was right in front of me, waiting patiently as I hesitated over every brushstroke.    
I must share something with you, my past self: I once believed I had it all figured out. Many 
things I had once destined myself to do have been lost to the movement of time. As I live, my options 
begin to narrow. It's a bittersweet realization, this acknowledgment of destiny. The person I was, the 
future I had meticulously sketched out, has blurred into the background of my present self. Living 
has a way of limiting your choices. Every step taken and every decision made become pivotal 
junctions, guiding you down a path that is as unpredictable as it is mysterious.    
So, dear past self, embrace the uncertainty, for within it lies the true essence of living. The 
choices you make will mold you in ways that are beyond your current understanding. Trust in the 
process, for even in the face of lost destinies, new and remarkable ones emerge, painting the canvas 
of your life with hues you never knew existed.    
   
   
  
  


Second Place - Painting Uncertainty

Burke, Jenni

Butler University 
Digital Commons @ Butler University 
Scholarship and Professional Work University Libraries 
5-3-2023 
Planting the Seeds of Leadership: Growing Your Skills at any Level 
Jenni Burke 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/librarian_papers 
 Part of the Library and Information Science Commons 
PLANTING THE
SEEDS OF
LEADERSHIP:
GROWING
YOUR SKILLS
AT ANY LEVEL
Jenni Burke
Science Librarian, Butler University
May 3, 2023
2
WHY THIS TOPIC
Typically reserved for those in management positions
Not a new topic, but one worth exploring in our industry, particularly now
CO Association of Libraries and my latest job shift
I've had some "unusual" patterns in my career
Leadership has been the singular commonality in my positions
There are net benefits in ALL areas of an organization when only supports,
advocates for, and provides leadership training to all levels of staff.
Shout out to Miranda, a Butler Library Student Staffer!
Leadership Training
What Piqued My Interest
KEY TAKEAWAY
Conflict resolution
Project Management*
Change management
Time/energy management
Coaching/mentoring
Leading innovation
Strategic Planning
Emergency preparedness
Negotiation
Soft Skills
WHAT
ARE WE
TALKING
ABOUT,
REALLY?
3
Hard Skills
Assertiveness
Communication
Building trust & respect
Team building
Delegation
Motivating colleagues
Managing meetings
Advocacy
Group dynamics
Critical thinking
83% of orgs believe
it's important to
develop leaders at
every level
Only 5 % have
implemented
programs
Increase in
retirements since
2019 per Pew
Research
35% of American
workers prioritize
company culture in job
searches 4
CURRENT PICTURE
69% of employees
born 1980-2000 feel
a lack of leadership
development
Disengaged
employees: 37%
higher absenteeism,
49% more accidents,
60% more errors
5
LIBRARIES ARE AT A TIPPING POINT
Record high for public library collection sizes (54.75% digital in 2019), collection use, and cardholders (174.23
million, 2019) BUT operating at a deficit since 1992 and on a 10-year decline in physical circulations and foot traffic
2019 ACRL Study of Librarians who left their jobs in the past 5 years:
79% identified workplace morale as the most significant reason for leaving a job
72% identified dissatisfaction with library administration
70% identified the culture of the library
64% identified their immediate supervisors*
Since then: covid, reorgs due to limited funding & retirees not being replaced, and political environment
We MUST support our people through changes
We MUST promote empathy, self-awareness, commitment, communication, etc.
WHY WE LOSE PEOPLE?
HOW DO WE KEEP OUR PEOPLE?!
6
THE GOOD NEWS - FROM THE RESEARCH
Increases employee commitment & inspiring your best to stay*
Improves organization's culture
Shared the load in hiring and training
Encourages self-leading in projects
Increases productivity, efficiency, and overall agility
Draws and retains talent
In for profit companies, profits increase!*
Creates a strong internal talent pool, reducing hiring and training costs
Increases strategic thinking, which eases change management issues
Eases tension in communication
LIBRARY SPECIFICS
Better relationship building with vendors
Increased patron service
More thorough understanding of policies and procedures
Navigation of political, corporate, and government structures
Stronger advocacy for our staff and patrons
Visibility of the library itself
7
82.2%
librarians
78.5% library
assistants
61.9%
managers
women in libraries
*2022
88%
librarians
93%
managers
women in libraries
*2022
women's salaries
compared to
men's salaries
*2022
The Gender Gap!
8
BENEFITS TO THE STAFF
Provides a vocabulary that clearly communicates to admin
to advocate for yourself
to translate your skill set
to pitch your ideas
Team development
you do NOT have to be the loudest voice!
Confidence through resourcefulness & adaptability
Better time & energy management
Bolsters your ability to move up or move out
Reduces anxiety around change
better understanding of what YOU bring to the table
Where?
State associations
State Libraries
Library Juice Academy
In-house/organizational
Linkedin Learning / Udemy
Other online trainings*
TRAINING
FOR
INDIVIDUALS
9
No funding?
Committee work
local or district
consortium or state
Programming
Volunteer coordination
Projects - big or small
Grant writing
Are you leading in your hobbies?
REFERENCES
7 reasons to ask your company to pay for leadership training. (n.d.). Truist Leadership Institute.
Retrieved April 26, 2023, from https://www.truistleadershipinstitute.com/publications-research/media-
publications/7-reasons-to-ask-co-pay-leadership-training
36 Powerful Leadership Statistics [2023]: Things All Aspiring Leaders Should Know. (2023, February 9).
Zippia. https://www.zippia.com/advice/leadership-statistics/
Beer, M., Finnström, M., & Schrader, D. (n.d.). Why Leadership Training Fails—And What to Do About It.
Bonn, I. (2005). Improving strategic thinking: A multilevel approach. Leadership & Organization
Development Journal, 26(5), 336–354. https://doi.org/10.1108/01437730510607844
Brum, S. (n.d.). What Impact Does Training Have on Employee Commitment and Employee Turnover?
Burk-Rafel, J., Harris, K. B., Heath, J., Milliron, A., Savage, D. J., & Skochelak, S. E. (2020). Students as
catalysts for curricular innovation: A change management framework. Medical Teacher, 42(5), 572–577.
https://doi.org/10.1080/0142159X.2020.1718070
Council, F. H. R. (n.d.). Council Post: 12 Ways Businesses Can Offer Added Value To Their Employees.
Forbes. Retrieved April 18, 2023, from
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeshumanresourcescouncil/2020/01/16/12-ways-businesses-can-offer-
added-value-to-their-employees/
Council, Y. E. (n.d.). Council Post: Why Your Employees Need Leadership Training. Forbes. Retrieved
April 18, 2023, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/theyec/2020/03/11/why-your-employees-need-
leadership-training/
10
REFERENCES
Fyn, A., Heady, C., Foster-Kaufman, A., & Hosier, A. (2019). Exploring Academic Librarian Turnover and
Retention Strategies.
Heyes, J., & Stuart, M. (1996). Does Training Matter? Employee Experiences and Attitudes. Human
Resource Management Journal, 6(3), 7–21. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1748-8583.1996.tb00409.x
Hughes, A. (2018). How Elearning Benefits Corporate Leadership Training. Leadership Excellence,
35(3), 16–17.
Impact of Covid-19 on Libraries – WordsRated. (2023, March 15). https://wordsrated.com/impact-of-
covid-19-on-libraries/
Jul 15, C. M. |, & Uncategorized | 0 |, 2022 |. (2022, July 15). Why do I need leadership training if I am
not a manager? - Parthenon Management Group | Association Management in Brentwood, Tennessee.
https://parthenonmgmt.com/why-do-i-need-leadership-training-if-i-am-not-a-manager/
Leadership Development: 7 Reasons Why Organisations Should Invest. (2020, February 4). Keogh
Consulting. https://keoghconsulting.com.au/leadership-development-7-reasons-why-every-organisation-
should-invest/
Library Manager Demographics and Statistics [2023]: Number Of Library Managers In The US. (n.d.).
Retrieved April 26, 2023, from https://www.zippia.com/library-manager-jobs/demographics/
Library Professionals: Facts, Figures, and Union Membership. (2023, April 16). Department for
Professional Employees, AFL-CIO. https://www.dpeaflcio.org/factsheets/library-professionals-facts-and-
figures
11
REFERENCES
Mathad, J. S., Reif, L. K., Seo, G., Walsh, K. F., McNairy, M. L., Lee, M. H., Hokororo, A., Kinikar, A.,
Riche, C. T., Deschamps, M. M., Nerette, S., Nimkar, S., Kayange, N., Jaka, H., Joseph, G., Morona, D.,
Peter, T. Y., Suryavanshi, N., Fitzgerald, D. W., & Downs, J. A. (2019). Female global health leadership:
Data-driven approaches to close the gender gap. The Lancet, 393(10171), 521–523.
https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(19)30203-X
Mohr, T. S. (2014, August 25). Why Women Don’t Apply for Jobs Unless They’re 100% Qualified.
Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-
qualified
Pekmezi, D., Cadmus-Bertram, L., & Lewis, B. (2020). Perspectives on the benefits of leadership training
for career growth among three mid-career behavioral scientists. Translational Behavioral Medicine,
10(4), 896–901. https://doi.org/10.1093/tbm/ibaa061
Seppälä, E., & Cameron, K. (2015, December 1). Proof That Positive Work Cultures Are More
Productive. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2015/12/proof-that-positive-work-cultures-are-
more-productive
Singson, J. (2021, December 6). 5 Reasons to Invest in Employee Development Now | Blog. Verb.
https://goverb.com/5-reasons-to-invest-in-employee-development-now/
State of US Public Libraries – More popular & digital than ever – WordsRated. (2022, February 17).
https://wordsrated.com/state-of-us-public-libraries/
12
FOR
LISTENING
THANK YOU
Jenni Burke
Science Librarian
Butler University
jburke1@butler.edu
May 3, 2023


Planting the Seeds of Leadership: Growing Your Skills at any Level

Barath, Alexandria

The Mall 
Article 
7-17-2023 
Breakups and Boiling Points: Which is the Real Doomsday? 
Alexandria Barath 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall 
Recommended Citation 
Barath, Alexandria (2023) "Breakups and Boiling Points: Which is the Real Doomsday?," The Mall: Vol. 7 , 
Article 4. 
Retrieved from: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall/vol7/iss1/4 
This Essay is brought to you for free and open access by the Undergraduate Scholarship at Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Mall by an authorized editor of Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. For more information, please contact digitalscholarship@butler.edu. 
 11 
Breakups and Boiling Points:  
Which is the Real Doomsday? 
 
Alexandria Barath 
 
 
“All 3-wick candles are $9.95 today only!” I stared up at this sign 
with red, puffy eyes as I burst into tears at my local Bath and Body 
Works. My ex-boyfriend and I had just broken up a couple days 
prior, and their “midnight blue citrus” candle reminded me too 
much of the body wash he used to use. There was a whole week 
where I couldn’t help but break down in public places. However, this 
emotion was temporary. While my feelings were so intense they 
would emerge (to my chagrin) in the most public of places, they 
eventually faded. Yes, walking by the brand of his shampoo and 
conditioner in a public Target still reminds me of him, but it no 
longer brings me to tears. The anger and the sadness have faded; I 
am grateful for that. But some issues bring about these intense 
emotions—and they don’t fade. Hayes Brown, an MSNBC opinion 
writer, felt a similar way in a Target, only this issue wasn’t about a 
breakup. It was the feeling of impending doom over climate change, 
but the article does more than just bring eco-anxiety; It shows the 
importance of relatable media.  
In his article, “The end times are here, and I am at Target” 
Brown recalls a similar experience to mine: an overwhelming sense 
of doom while in a public place. During the first heatwave of the 
year in New York, all he could think about in target was that “[e]very 
minute spent inside that artificial oasis is another ticked away before 
our contract with the Earth runs out” (Brown). The whole piece 
relays an anxious energy as it explains our predicted doomsday, but 
how this time is different—there’s science to back it up: “Come 
2050, civilization as we know it will start to tap out thanks to climate 
change, if a report from earlier this year is to be believed” (Brown). 
Unlike my breakup, this is an issue where I can’t see the light at the 
end of the tunnel.  
Brown’s article caused a deep internal anxiety to run 
through my body. Since he provides no solutions within the piece to 
inform us of sustainability efforts we can make, our planet is on the 
verge of collapse and there is nothing we can do to stop it. This is 
why we “are somehow not stockpiling non-perishables and fleeing 
 12 
the coasts in search of high ground ahead of the looming end like 
you’d expect in a proper End Times” (Brown). Climate change and 
the state of our world has left us feeling completely and utterly 
hopeless. So, what’s the point of writing an article just to instill our 
eventual doomsday? Surely it isn’t just meant to induce anxiety into 
the younger generations it’s directed towards. The intense statement 
of the problem combined with the lack of solutions wasn’t meant to 
make us feel hopeless—but rather, not alone.  
The day my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, my college 
roommate and I marathoned sad movies while eating ice cream. This 
is a common stereotype for breakups—because we yearn to connect. 
We want to know that we are not the first one to feel this sad, that 
others have felt like this and survived. It’s even been proven that 
“consuming depressing content can actually make you feel good 
[because] of [increased] endorphins” (Zhou). Brown’s article was 
written for the exact same reason. While it brings a sense of 
impending doom and a nihilistic viewpoint, it scientifically produces 
endorphins. This article shows that we are not alone, that we are far 
from it. Often, reading relatable media is the only way to prove that 
our feelings are real and valid: “Trying to mask it with fun activities 
or pretending like I’m ok hasn’t worked in the past. But consuming 
content that mimics the way I feel lets me just feel the pain and 
avoids me trying to bottle [it] up” (Zhou). It is human nature to long 
for relation, to know that others understand you. Whether it’s the 
outcome of a breakup, or the world’s eventual collapse, we want to 
know that we are never as alone as we think.  
 
 
 
 
Works Cited 
 
Brown, Hayes. “The End Times Are Here, and I Am at Target.” 
The Outline, The Outline, 7 Aug. 2019.  
 
Zhou, Maggie. “Sad Girl TV: Why Consuming Depressing Content 
Hurts so Good.” Why Does Watching Sad Shows & Movies 
Feel So Good?, 5 May 2022. 
  


Breakups and Boiling Points: Which is the Real Doomsday?

Schloneger, Norah

The Mall 
Article 
7-17-2023 
The Domino Effect of Change 
Norah Schloneger 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall 
Recommended Citation 
Schloneger, Norah (2023) "The Domino Effect of Change," The Mall: Vol. 7 , Article 12. 
Retrieved from: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall/vol7/iss1/12 
This Essay is brought to you for free and open access by the Undergraduate Scholarship at Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Mall by an authorized editor of Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. For more information, please contact digitalscholarship@butler.edu. 
 46 
The Domino Effect of Change 
 
Norah Schloneger 
 
 
Malala Yousafzai is a household name. Her strong and continuous 
activism for girl’s education has brought her worldwide 
acknowledgement and fame. However, one of the most pivotal 
people in the upbringing of Malala, her mother, does not get any 
acknowledgement. Toor Pekai’s generation of women were raised to 
fulfill their duties to their husbands by being housewives. 
Throughout the book, she is seen as the most conservative of the 
family and does not speak out as much as her husband and daughter. 
Although Malala’s mother is supportive of her activism, it is difficult 
for her to break the ruling of the traditional gender roles in her 
generation and society. Toor Pekai’s development is a testament to 
Malala’s success, ultimately leading her to become a more 
progressive model in society.  
A lot of Toor Pekai and Malala’s differences stem from the 
way they both grew up. Toor Pekai grew up in a very traditional 
Muslim household with an absent father. Malala writes, “[Toor 
Pekai’s father] would set off early every morning after a breakfast of 
cornbread and cream, his German pistol strapped under his arm, and 
spend his days busy with local politics or resolving feuds” (Yousafzai 
40). Toor Pekai rarely saw her father, and when she did, it seemed 
like he didn’t care much about what she was doing. On the other 
hand, Malala’s father is one of her biggest role models and fights for 
her. When one of Malala’s uncles got angry that she wasn’t covering 
her face, her father responded with, “She’s my daughter. Look after 
your own affairs” (Yousafzai 66). Malala’s father supports her strong 
beliefs and lets her live her life how she thinks is best. Malala’s 
mother, however, advises her to follow the traditional rules out of 
fear that they would be judged. She recalls, “My mother used to tell 
me to hide my face when I spoke to the media because at my age I 
should be in purdah” (Yousafzai 162). Toor Pekai’s scolding results 
from her desire to always follow those in power, stemming from the 
traditional gender roles in her society.  
Malala continues to see the differences between her and her 
mother as she grows up. She writes, “[Toor Pekai] disapproves of 
dancing because she says God would not like it, but she loves to 
 47 
decorate herself with pretty things, embroidered clothes and golden 
necklaces and bangles....I get bored going to the bazaar, but I love to 
dance behind closed doors with my school friends” (Yousafzai 22-
23). Malala has grown up consistently challenging the traditional 
norms placed in front of her, while Toor Pekai follows them because 
they are all she’s ever known. Toor Pekai is trapped in the traditions 
of a society that believes men are more capable than women. The 
contrasts between Toor Pekai and Malala are a result of their 
upbringing in different generations and the male examples they had 
in their lives.  
Malala’s mother, although very encouraging of her 
daughter, is dictated by traditional gender roles in her society. When 
Malala’s brother Khushal was born, “[Toor Pekai] had been waiting 
for a son and could not hide her joy” (Yousafzai 20). Although it 
could have simply been a matter of preference, Toor Pekai’s hope 
for a son undoubtedly shows the effect of gender roles on her life. 
A son means another man in the family, which leads to more 
opportunity for the family as a whole. Toor Pekai also dropped out 
of the education system at just six years old. She knew that an 
education would not be valuable for her, as she was destined to be a 
housewife. Malala writes, “There seemed no point in going to school 
to just end up cooking, cleaning and bringing up children, so one day 
she sold her books for nine annas, spent the money on boiled sweets 
and never went back” (Yousafzai 40). Toor Pekai’s society pushed 
her to believe that her education and intelligence as a woman was 
only as valuable as a few sweets. Despite the fact that Toor Pekai is 
supportive of her daughter, she is still ruled by the gender roles of 
her society in Pakistan.  
Throughout the book, Malala fights the traditional gender 
roles her mother has been forced to deal with. Malala’s persistent 
fight for girls’ education and rights is the main focus of her book. 
Ever since she has had the power to, Malala has fought. She has had 
tough conversations and spoken to nations at an extremely young 
age. Even though she has gone through her fair share of hardship, 
Malala is successful in her efforts, eventually receiving the Nobel 
Peace Prize among other awards and support from “thousands and 
millions” (Yousafzai 288). However, Malala’s work is never done. 
Her fight will not be over until there is nothing left to fight for, which 
is simply impossible. Malala writes that she feels a great 
responsibility, saying, “Peace in every home, every street, every 
 48 
village, every country—this is my dream. Education for every boy 
and every girl in the world” (Yousafzai 313). From a young age and 
continuing on, Malala fights to defy the stereotypes her mother and 
many other women are held under in Pakistan.  
Malala’s accomplishments are all the more meaningful when 
her mother’s development becomes apparent. As Malala’s activism 
progresses, her mother begins to make changes in her life that rebel 
against the traditional stereotypes and rules she’s always known. One 
of the most notable ways she rebels is by going back to school. As 
mentioned prior, Toor Pekai quit school at age six because she 
thought that her fate of being a housewife was already cut out for 
her. However, as Malala is being shot for being a girls’ education 
activist, “[her] mother was probably just going through the doorway 
into [their] school for her first lesson since she had left school” 
(Yousafzai 241). Malala’s fight for girls’ education inspires her 
mother to go to school and become literate, even though it is against 
the law. Toor Pekai’s refusal to follow the sexist laws against the 
education of women and girls shows the effect Malala has on her.  
Throughout the book, Toor Pekai is also known to be more 
reserved and less likely to speak up. Nevertheless, when their family 
doesn’t hear any news on the state of Malala after she is shot, Toor 
Pekai tells Malala’s father, “‘If there is no news by tomorrow, I will 
go on a hunger strike'” (Yousafzai 284). It is this statement that 
pushes the general to finally give Malala’s parents some information 
on their daughter. Toor Pekai’s act of protest is what leads to the 
communication their family desired. Toor Pekai’s development also 
stems from the pride she has in her daughter. One of Malala’s biggest 
accomplishments in the book is speaking at the United Nations. On 
this day, “[Toor Pekai] allowed herself to be publicly photographed 
for the first time. As she has lived her life in purdah and never 
unveiled her face on camera before, it was a great sacrifice and very 
difficult for her” (Yousafzai 310). Toor Pekai’s development as a 
person is a direct result of the changes she sees her daughter make 
in their country and world.  
It is a common misconception that role models have to be 
elders. In Toor Pekai’s case, her daughter is one of her biggest role 
models. From beginning the book as a woman strongly dictated by 
the societal norms and sexist ideologies forced toward her, to ending 
it as a woman who wants to join in on the change her daughter has 
made, it is clear that Toor Pekai develops as she sees Malala’s fight 
 49 
for education continue. If anything, Toor Pekai and Malala’s 
example is further encouragement for each and every person to try 
and make a difference in their own way, no matter what scale. When 
one person makes a difference, others follow their lead. Each person 
has the power to begin the domino effect of change that could 
eventually alter the ever-evolving world.  
 
 
 
 
Works Cited 
 
Yousafzai, Malala and Christina Lamb. I Am Malala: The Girl Who 
Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban. Little 
Brown and Company, 2015.  
 
 
 
 
  


The Domino Effect of Change

Szymanski, Hannah

Hurricanes: Climate Change & Social Inequality

Verbrugge, Lydia

The Mall 
Article 
7-17-2023 
From Change to Casualty to Climate: The Death of My Past Self 
Lydia Verbrugge 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall 
Recommended Citation 
Verbrugge, Lydia (2023) "From Change to Casualty to Climate: The Death of My Past Self," The Mall: Vol. 7 
, Article 17. 
Retrieved from: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall/vol7/iss1/17 
This Essay is brought to you for free and open access by the Undergraduate Scholarship at Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Mall by an authorized editor of Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. For more information, please contact digitalscholarship@butler.edu. 
 79 
From Change to Casualty to Climate:  
The Death of My Past Self 
 
Lydia Verbrugge 
 
 
My father has always been my biggest role model. Street smarts are 
just as important to him as school smarts. As a reservoir of 
information ranging from the simple explanation of the Dow Jones 
to in depth analysis of the power sports industry, he always had 
something that he wanted to teach my brother and I. I still have not 
figured out how he knows so much, as he blames it on life 
experience. Born and raised in northwest Iowa, in the same house 
that my grandparents live in today, he began working at his parents’ 
electric business at the age of 12. He told me about odd jobs ranging 
from changing a lightbulb to wiring an entire house. He met my 
mom in high school, got married shortly after in college, and went 
on to become an extremely successful electrical-engineer-turned-
executive-director at the same company he has worked for virtually 
his entire life. Although he devoted so much time and energy to his 
work, he knew to keep his work life and home life separate. My dad 
was my basketball coach when I started playing in kindergarten 
(although “playing” was a loose term for my participation at the 
time) until my 10th grade year. He taught my brother everything 
there is to know about mountain biking and motocross racing, and 
saw my love for horses and supported me in everything that I wanted 
to do with them. He taught me so much about life skills as well as 
school skills, even though those nights spent crying over math 
homework at the kitchen table were not exactly fun at the moment.  
Despite all the love he had to give, for reasons I would later 
uncover, I could not accept it. We moved around a lot during my 
years, moving at the end of elementary, middle, and halfway through 
high school, and I had grown to resent his job. I never felt that I 
could make meaningful friends, because who knew how soon he 
would get a promotion or want to change career paths for the 4th 
time. My junior year of high school was the worst. Although I did 
not know it at the time, I subconsciously hated my father for making 
our family pick up and move whenever he wanted. I hated spending 
time with him, and during the worst of it I would never stay at the 
house he had provided for us because I could not stand the sight of 
 80 
his face. During this time, he tried his hardest to try to salvage any 
resemblance of a relationship with me, to no avail. Countless therapy 
sessions that solved nothing and shouting and slamming of doors 
were all too common instances that I thought were mature and 
normal reactions to his love (they were not). My dad is a stoic person 
that rarely shows emotion, and even more rarely expresses love in 
ways that I felt. I remember in one screaming fit saying that he had 
never and would never love me. This was more of a projection than 
fact, as I learned that I could not feel love from others until I had 
learned to love myself. I, specifically my mental health, was a sinking 
ship that tried to drag everyone down with me, and my dad is smart 
enough not to fall for my exploits and manipulations. Our 
relationship was nonexistent for a 6 month period in the middle of 
2021, when my parents decided I needed more help than they were 
able to give. I spent 2 1⁄2 months at a wilderness therapy program, 
then 8 months in a treatment facility. The excruciating decision my 
parents made to send me away for my senior turned out to be the 
greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I credit it 
wholeheartedly to how I am able to speak about him as I am now.  
While reading Parable of the Sower, I noticed many 
unfortunate parallels between Keith Olamina and his fathers’ 
relationship. The first mention of Keith’s personality, alluding to 
future incidents, is in chapter 2. Here, the narrator Lauren speaks 
about how her brother is being baptized, although he doesn’t care 
about religion (or anything else). My family is religious, specifically 
Christian, and I was baptized, willingly, when I was 12. I began to 
question my faith less than a year later, but never told my family until 
I was 16 and it drunkenly spilled out. While I had been struggling 
with losing my faith for 3 years, I did not want to tell my family for 
fear of rejection, dismissal, or worse. When I finally said it, I 
distinctly remember my mom looking at me and saying that the only 
reason I was struggling was because of my lack of faith. Although 
somewhat true, with my depression stemming from lack of 
connection with my family, this was the beginning of distancing 
myself from those that I needed most. Keith was the same way. He 
receives his first BB gun for his birthday in chapter 9 and shortly 
after disappears for days. I reflect on days when I would leave the 
house without telling my parents where I was going or who I was 
with, to prove an unknown point. Clearly, Keith has been hanging 
with the wrong crowd, because Octavia Butler writes that he 
 81 
returned with new clothes and shoes, something virtually unheard of 
in the community they live in. We hear about how Keith stays out 
for longer and longer, coming back with expensive gifts and large 
sums of money from who-knows-where (chapter 10). Clearly, Keith 
is a troubled kid trying to make it in a world stacked against him, and 
does it with people who did not have his best interests in mind.  
Some of my closest friends in this period cared even less 
about themselves than I did, which struck me as similar to Keith’s 
“friends”. Many times, I would lose my friends in a half-drunken 
stupor in an unknown location, just trying to find a landmark that 
was familiar. Admittedly, I stole, vandalized, lied, and completely 
destroyed my feelings of worth and respect for myself, simply to 
hope people liked me. The narrator describes Keith’s disappearance, 
saying “May he rest in peace-in his urn, in heaven, 
wherever.”(chapter 10), which tells of how his family felt about him 
before he died. The only person who really mourned his death was 
his mother Cory, described on multiple occasions “bursting into 
tears and found later clutching his urn”. While reading this, I had the 
overwhelming feeling that this was me around a year ago, and this 
could have been my parents as well. I remember thinking that if I 
died, no one would care, and there would definitely not be a funeral. 
I thought my parents would be relieved that they would not have to 
deal with my tactics once I was gone. I, like Keith, was justifying 
myself and blaming my parents, when it was always me. My reckless 
behaviors, much like Keith’s, were subconscious self-harm. For him, 
it was about survival, and feeling in control. For me, it was major 
insecurity. He speaks about the “insane burn-the rich movement” 
that took place in their neighborhood because of the drug “pyro”. I 
had this same “F-the-system” thought process doing the things I 
thought I loved with the people I thought loved me. My actions were 
justified if I blamed something else. Keith felt the same, talking 
about robbing people just because he could, and because he had 
more power than them. When reading Parable of the Sower, these 
thought patterns resonated with my past self, because I thought that 
taking advantage of people (the destitute to Keith or my family to 
me) was a way to establish security.  
After spending 10 months in treatment, I found awareness 
both in who I was and why I was that way. Surprisingly, my parents 
did not blame me. While they will probably never understand why I 
did what I did, they were able to forgive me. I knew that I needed to 
 82 
salvage my relationship with my dad, to try to get back some 
resemblance of a father-daughter relationship. He wanted one too, 
which honestly surprised me. Our activity of choice? Creating an 
electric car from a gas-powered one. This is where his wealth of 
information came into play, because I had no idea that you could 
completely rewire a car, but my electricity-loving father did. Because 
of our escapade, I learned how to install the motor itself, how to wire 
the system, and how to replace hydraulic brakes. My dad knows that 
electric cars are the future, and with this newly electric car as well as 
his 2016 Chevy Bolt, he is an avid believer in electric clean energy. 
Electric cars are more fuel efficient, converting 77 percent of energy 
into movement, while gas-powered cars only have the capacity to use 
12-30 percent of gas energy (DOE). They are also cheaper: they only 
cost around $3,500 per year to fuel, while gas cars cost upwards of 
$4,300. In every state, it is cheaper to use electricity than gas, varying 
from $500-1,700 cheaper per year (Self). They are also better for the 
earth. A gas-powered car emits on average 4.6 metric tons of carbon 
dioxide per year while an electric car emits none, not factoring in 
manufacturing or shipping expenditure (EPA). These factors and 
more are why my dad decided to convert to electric energy. He was 
the first one who talked to me about climate change, and what we 
can do as consumers to reduce our carbon footprint. Our family 
walks as much as we can, uses air conditioning minimally, and of 
course, drives electric cars. The first climate activist I knew was my 
father, and he inspired me to help the earth as much as I can. Parable 
of the Sower helped me fully commit to my efforts. If the world ends 
up even remotely like it is described in the book, I know that I need 
to do as much as I can as a consumer to try to alleviate symptoms of 
climate change.  
Throughout my reading of Parable of the Sower, I found it 
eerie how many events in my life were similar to what was described 
in the book. From Keith and Lauren’s description of struggles with 
religion to Keith’s behaviors that eventually led to his death to 
prominent symptoms of climate change, this book was eye-opening. 
It helped me want to make a difference in my community as an 
individual as well as appreciate every conversation I have with my 
parents. It also aided my love for my dad, who taught me much of 
what I know today, just like Reverend Olamina with his children. I 
hope that I can inspire to not only lead a life like my father has, but 
one that does not end up like Keith’s did. While he may have died a 
 83 
painful and horrible death, he taught me and other readers that life 
is sacred, and you will absolutely be missed once you leave this 
tumultuous earth.  
 
 
 
 
Works Cited 
 
Dolan, James. “Can You Convert a Gasoline Vehicle to an Electric 
Vehicle?” MUO, 11 May 2022.  
 
“Electric Cars vs Gas Cars Cost in Each State: Self Financial.” 
Electric Cars vs Gas Cars Cost in Each State | Self Financial, 
Self Financial, 20 Apr. 2020. 
 
“Electric Vehicle Benefits and Considerations.” Alternative Fuels 
Data Center: Electric Vehicle Benefits and Considerations.  
 
“Electric Vehicle Benefits and Considerations.” Alternative Fuels 
Data Center: Electric Vehicle Benefits and Considerations.  
 
“Greenhouse Gas Emissions from a Typical Passenger Vehicle.” 
EPA, Environmental Protection Agency, 30 June 2022.  
 
  


From Change to Casualty to Climate: The Death of My Past Self

The Mall 
Article 
7-17-2023 
Artwork and Artificial Intelligence: Fighting for the Future of 
Humanity 
Alexandria Barath 
Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall 
Recommended Citation 
Barath, Alexandria (2023) "Artwork and Artificial Intelligence: Fighting for the Future of Humanity," The 
Mall: Vol. 7 , Article 22. 
Retrieved from: https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/the-mall/vol7/iss1/22 
This Essay is brought to you for free and open access by the Undergraduate Scholarship at Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Mall by an authorized editor of Digital Commons @ 
Butler University. For more information, please contact digitalscholarship@butler.edu. 
 106 
Artwork and Artificial Intelligence: 
Fighting for the Future of Humanity  
 
Alexandria Barath 
 
 
When you compress all of Earth’s history into one calendar year, the 
first humans wouldn’t appear until the evening of December 31st. 
The first computer wouldn’t be created until just milliseconds before 
New Year’s Eve, and the birth of every human alive now would fall 
just after that. While we are just a grain of sand within the timeline 
of the universe, we have progressed far faster than anything before 
us—especially in the realm of technology. As technology such as 
Artificial Intelligence (AI) starts to play an everyday role in the lives 
of Americans, what does this mean for the human race? We are 
creatures that are meant to feel deeply and express emotion through 
vehicles such as art and creativity. While AI can be programmed to 
demonstrate feelings and generate similar ideas, these machines are 
not able to replicate the emotional depths of human life—
specifically in regard to creating art. The integration of AI generators 
into everyday life will crowd out active artists who have dedicated 
hours to perfecting their handmade crafts, steal trademark styles of 
artists without their consent, and increase social isolation as those 
looking to art for meaning will cease to find it.  
Before commenting on the implications of artificially made 
artwork, it’s important to note the significance of human-made art 
within society. Art is described by Oxford Languages as “the 
expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, 
typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing 
works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional 
power” (Oxford Languages). The important distinction made here 
is not only within the ‘human creative skill’, but also for the effect of 
that skill— affecting others through emotional power. If we define 
art by the implications of its finished work, then true art leaves an 
impression or feeling with the beholder.  
Furthermore, Eden Gallery, which includes various art 
galleries to display works of international art, describes art as “an 
important avenue through which to connect with others, especially 
in times of crisis” (Kobra, 1). While art may not be the first thing 
 107 
that comes to mind when thinking of topics of importance—let's say 
compared to math or science—art is essential to understand the 
human condition. This opinion, where one believes logic and math 
supersede art, would change during a major life crisis—such as the 
death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or indescribable bouts of 
loneliness or depression. When a shift like this happens in one’s life, 
they are bound to feel alone, like no one has ever felt this isolated or 
sorrowful before. This is the time when one turns to art. Whether 
this is in poetry or paintings, they look to art to find that in fact, they 
are not alone.  
Or, instead of feelings of loneliness, this individual feels a 
love so profound that their elation has no boundaries in sight. They 
will look to describe this feeling through another’s words, paintings, 
or sculptures—to find that they are not crazy after all. This is why 
human- made art is essential to humanity. Individuals yearn to find 
purpose and understanding through the experiences of others—of 
humans. When this art is created through artificial intelligence, while 
it does pass through the hands of humans through their input of 
words and phrases, the art itself is not human. This depletes the very 
reason why humans turn to art in times of need.  
This lack of humanity is present within the innerworkings 
of the Artificial Intelligence programs that are generating this art, 
known as generative AI. These programs use diffusion to produce 
‘art’ through data sets. This process inputs thousands of images into 
the AI which trains it to lay pixels in specific shapes, colors, and 
figures to create recognizable images. For example, if you input 
hundreds of pictures of pop sensation Taylor Swift into an AI’s 
programming, it would be able to generate an image that closely 
resembles this celebrity. Once enough information is input, the AI 
can generate images that mix and match ideas, words, and prompts 
that its given. It is even able to copy the styles of certain artists: 
“some artists have balked at the new technology’s capacity for 
mimicry” (Clarke, 7). Now that anyone can generate new artwork 
mimicking the style famous painters, this poses a threat to the need 
of contemporary artists.  
AI’s unique ability to generate images will eventually lead to 
the destruction of man- made art through overcrowding. Not every 
human can create magnificent art, but just about every human can 
type a simple prompt into a generator like DALL-E or Artbreeder 
to create a breathtaking image. After all, “[w]ho can compete with 
 108 
the speed, cheapness, scale, and, yes, wild creativity of these 
machines?” (Wired, 5). As Wired suggests, these programs produce 
quality artwork for a fraction of the cost of its man-made 
equivalent—and within a fraction of a second. Many contemporary 
artists struggle to make selling their artwork a prominent source of 
income, and with the rapid increase of AI-generated art crowding 
out their work, their future does not look promising. Creators are 
already discouraged, as “[m]aking a living as an artist is impossible 
for all but a few high-profile practitioners, and the lack of sufficient 
financial remuneration for artistic labor is the dark reality at the heart 
of the contemporary art world” (Sharot, 1). Not to mention the 
fractional time it takes an art generator to complete an image, merely 
seconds, compared to the days or weeks it could take an artist to 
create a similar image, creates an unfair ratio of art production. There 
could be thousands of AI generated pieces uploaded online for every 
piece created by the brushstrokes of a painter. These artists are 
already swimming upstream due to the overcritical selectiveness of 
the art world, and artificial intelligence makes the current stronger.  
As for the future of museums, some believe AI art will never 
hold the same value as man- made art: “Instead of thinking of AI-
generated art as a doomsday development—a cluster bomb thrown 
by Big Tech into the heart of the art world—you can think of it as 
something with its own history” (Smee, 10). While it seems there will 
always be a divide between man-made and computer-generated 
work, some museums—a San Francisco gallery to be exact—are 
eager about displaying and promoting AI-generated work within 
their walls. Many exhibition centers are shifting to focus on AI 
artwork, which is described by The Smithsonian Magazine as “quickly 
permeating creative spaces,” and some even “mimick[ing] history’s 
greatest painters” (Enking 3). While today, we yearn to gaze at pieces 
handcrafted by great painters, such as Van Gogh’s Starry Night or Da 
Vinci’s Mona Lisa, future generations might idolize work in these 
painters' styles, but without their authentic touch.  
However, technology is often detested before deemed 
useful, meaning this debate over artificial intelligence might be futile 
come next decade. Many new inventions have brought about 
conflict with the intersection of art and technology: “Many painters 
recoiled at the invention of the camera, which they saw as a 
debasement of human artistry” (Roose, 22). Artificial Intelligence, 
however, is different. RJ Palmer, a digital artist, stated that this vital 
 109 
difference lies in the idea that AI is actively against human made 
artwork. He says that “What makes this AI different is that it’s 
explicitly trained on current working artists,” and that “its actively 
anti-artist” (Roose, 24). Since AI can be trained to mimic human 
behavior, it can generate images in the style of certain artists without 
their consent, essentially stealing their work. A popular AI art 
generator, Stable Diffusion, shared the data and information on the 
code within its database. Shortly after this was shared, a tool was 
built to help identify whether or not specific artists work was used 
to help train this generator. If their images were used, it puts their 
style at risk to be copied by the Stable Diffusion code.  
The Concept Art Association (CAA) notes that this new 
tool is helpful for artists, but only to a certain extent. While artists 
whose work was discovered to be used by this generator were able 
to opt out for future images, it isn’t able to untrain the AI to stop 
generating images in the style of these artists. The CAA describe it 
as “like someone who already robbed you saying, ‘Do you want to 
opt out of me robbing you’” (Clarke, 11). Not only is this theft, but 
creations associated with a specific artist’s label crowd out their 
original work. Greg Rutkowski, a digital illustrator specializing in the 
portrayal of fantasy scenes, mentions that he “probably won’t be able 
to find [his] work out there because [the internet] will be flooded 
with AI art” according to an interview he did with MIT Technology 
Review (Clarke, 8). This poses a massive issue for the future of 
creators.  
With the increase of technology and expansion of artificial 
intelligence, online art generators are inevitable. However, there are 
many problems that arise when imagining a world with exclusively 
computer-generated art. If continued, this movement will crowd out 
active artists who have dedicated hours to perfecting their handmade 
crafts, steal trademark styles of these artists without their consent, 
and increase social isolation as those looking to art for meaning will 
cease to find it.  
Since we cannot stop technology from expanding, the 
correct step forward in addressing this conflict lies in the distinction 
between human-made work and online-generated work. While both 
might be considered ‘art’, the difference lies in the impression it 
makes on the observer. As long as we continue to recognize this 
distinction and cease to compare AI work to artists’ hand-made 
 110 
work, we can learn to appreciate artwork generators without fearing 
it is at the expense of artists.  
 
 
 
 
Works Cited 
 
Clarke, Laurie. “Is Generative AI Really a Threat to Creative 
Professionals?” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 
12 Nov. 2022,https://www.theguardian.com.  
 
Enking, Molly. “These A.i.-Generated Images Hang in a Gallery 
but Are They Art?” Smithsonian.com, Smithsonian 
Institution, 7 Nov. 2022.  
 
“Geologic Time: A Metaphor.” GeoKansas, The University of 
Kansas, https://geokansas.ku.edu/geologic-time-a-  
Metaphor.  
 
Kelly, Kevin. “What Ai-Generated Art Really Means for Human 
Creativity.” Wired, Conde Nast, 17 Nov. 2022.  
 
“Oxford Languages and Google - English.” Oxford Languages.  
 
Roose, Kevin. “An A.i.-Generated Picture Won an Art Prize. 
Artists Aren't Happy.” The New York Times, The New York 
Times, 2 Sept. 2022. 
 
Smee, Sebastian. “Perspective | AI Is No Threat to Traditional 
Artists. But It Is Thrilling.” The Washington Post, WP 
Company, 28 Feb. 2023.  
  


Artwork and Artificial Intelligence: Fighting for the Future of Humanity

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