Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

O'Neil, January Gill

 journal of the motherhood initiative             281 
Questions of Sleep
january gill o’neil
A	cough,	a	tickle,
a	sudden	rise	and	froth
at	the	back	of	your	throat—
something	unnamed	
dragged	you	out	of	bed,
heavy	footed	A	cough,	a	tickle,
a	sudden	rise	and	froth
at	the	back	of	your	throat—
something	unnamed	
dragged	you	out	of	bed,
heavy	footed,	into	mine.
You	curl	into	me,
all	chatter	and	conjunctions,
little	“c”	into	big	“C”
in	the	loose	alphabet	
of	mother	and	daughter.	Your	skin,	
infused	with	shampoo	and	half-sleep	
rests	against	my	grain,	
silent	as	a	star,	each	dip
and	swirl	of	your	curls
searching	for	the	right	word,
the	form	of	things,	how	night
wraps	its	body	around	day
and	asks	for	nothing	but	this
small	happiness.	What	keeps	us	awake,
other	than	the	cheap	wall	clock


English

Questions of Sleep

286             volume 2,  number 2
Don’t	be	surprised
if	the	other	kids
wonder	what	you	are.
They	may	make	fun	of	your	
new	used	backpack,
your	brown	bag	lunch.
They	don’t	know
it’s	impolite	to	ask,
“Where’s	your	mama?”
even	when	I’m	standing
next	to	you,	cautious	as	a	nanny.	
You	are	fair	and	smooth.
The	girls	will	fall	in	love
with	your	long	lashes,
while	the	boys	will	envy
the	ease	with	which	
you	pass	through	worlds.
Be	smart.
These	boys	may	push,
cut	you	in	line,
think	they’re	entitled
to	something	more.
Advice for My Son Upon Entering 
Kindergarten
january gill o’neil
folio
 journal of the motherhood initiative              287 
The	playground
is	an	unlikely	(or	maybe
the	most	likely)	place
to	contemplate
the	human	condition.
They	may	look	into
your	coal-black	eyes
and	demand	you
choose	your	color,
yet	we	know	black	or	white
is	not	that	simple.
You	are	the	best	of	both.
It’s	your	choice	to	choose
or	not	to.	I	say,	
let	that	be	your	first
fuck you	to	the	world.	


Advice for My Son Upon Entering Kindergarten

Pylypa, Jen

Socialization for Intensive Mothering in the Single Parent, Transnationally Adoptive Family

Dewi, Elisabeth

Changing Perceptions of "Good" Mothering and Family Roles Among Indonesian Female Domestic Workers

Silva, Dorsia Smith

book reviews
296             volume 2,  number 2
the Case of Pregnancy Loss” by Linda Layne, deal with children who differ 
from the norm and thus challenge their mothers’ status. Both essays deploy 
the rhetoric of the gift, used here with explicit Christian overtones, to cri-
tique consumerism and self-blame. For Landsman, the idea that God “gives 
special children to special parents”—embraced by many parents of children 
with disabilities—is eventually displaced by the assertion that the child is the 
true giver of the gift, a notion that returns the value of the child to “normal.” 
In the final essay, Layne shows how bereaved mothers use the conceptual 
and symbolic power of the gift to deal with the moral problem pregnancy 
loss poses for women in a culture that often understands pregnancy in terms 
of capitalist production, and the delivery of a healthy child as the result of 
individual triumph.
Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict
of Modern Motherhood
Samatha Parent Walravens.
Seattle, wa: Coffeetown Press, 2011.
Reviewed by Dorsía Smith Silva
Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career, and the Conflict of Modern Motherhood con-
siders various paths of motherhood and whether mothers “can have it all” and 
at the same time. In many ways, the forty-seven contributors to this volume 
feel “torn” between caring for their children and the demands of their careers. 
Drawing on their personal experiences, they explore the guilt women face 
when they cannot find a balance between motherhood and work. As a result, 
the narratives emphasize that the “supermommy” complex is dead—the real-
ity of motherhood is that there may not be equilibrium between the worlds 
of parenting and career.
Most of the tales address this tension with great candour. Liesl Jurock in 
“Cupcake Crazy,” for example, is conflicted when she must miss her son’s 
birthday party at daycare to attend a business meeting. Likewise, Lindsey 
Mead in “A Foot in Two Worlds” is ambivalent about realigning her profes-
sional life to raise her children full time. Jurock and Mead note that their 
respective career decisions are multilayered and seek to reconcile personal as-
pirations, educational and financial investments, professional goals, parental 
responsibilities, and several other factors. Each admits that there is no easy or 
perfect solution for mothers.
The frankness of some essays is unnerving. In “Confessions of a Crazy 
book reviews
 journal of the motherhood initiative             297 
Mommy,” Darcy Mayers describes how she “collared” her children, scared 
them, and wanted them to be scared. She asks readers not to judge her ac-
tions, but her tale of physical and emotional abuse is disturbing. “The Pink 
Post-It Umbrella” by Devorah Lifshutz is also troubling. As she recalls how 
she smashes her son’s favourite toy, “sandwiches” his body between a wall and 
table, and “braces” her hands around his neck, she seems like a mother on the 
verge of a nervous breakdown. These narratives would be more appropriately 
placed in a volume that explores maternal stress and frustration. 
Regrettably, Walravens also includes several essays that do not relate to the 
theme of the collection. For example, in one narrative the speaker laments 
her decision to divorce her husband because she worries about maintaining 
her middle-class lifestyle. In another tale, a woman gives details of visiting a 
food bank and the bureaucracy of the immigration system. The serious issues 
raised in these essays—economic dependence on men, discrimination, and 
poverty—are not addressed in terms of motherhood. 
Torn offers many tales from well-educated, successful, and professional 
women who have the opportunity to decide between staying home to raise 
their children or pursuing their careers. Unfortunately, the voices of less ad-
vantaged mothers who grapple with other factors (i.e., depression, breastfeed-
ing, premature children), and come from various backgrounds (i.e., lesbian 
mothers, othermothers, transnational mothers) are not heard in this volume. 
Without this diversity, the book becomes another text geared at privileged 
women who have the opportunity and the means to “opt out” of their careers.
Textual Mothers / Maternal Texts: 
Motherhood in Contemporary Women’s Literatures
Elizabeth Podnieks and Andrea O’Reilly, eds.
Waterloo, on: Wilfrid Laurier University Press, 2010.
Reviewed by Jenni Ramone
This far-reaching collection of essays is committed to revealing mothers’ sto-
ries while establishing firm connections between the fields of Motherhood 
Studies and Literary Studies. The collection reaffirms a key aim of Mother-
hood Studies: to create an empowering practice and theory of mothering 
for women, countering the patriarchal master-narrative of motherhood that 
maintains notions of the ideal mother and the dangerous binary of good/bad 
mothering.


Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career,and the Conflict of Modern Motherhood

Satterfield, Jane

Folio
Ingrid Dabringer, “Phillippines,” 2010, medium, paper map and acrylic, 20" x 27".
<www.ingriddabringer.wordpress.com>
276             volume 2,  number 2
Editor’s Notes
It’s	a	great	pleasure	to	feature	new	poems	by	January	Gill	O’Neil	in	Folio.	
In	this	selection	from	Little Misery (currently	under	review),	the	experience	
of	mothering	 is	 viewed	against	 the	backdrop	of	divorce	with	 its	 attendant	
disruptions	to	domestic	 life.	We	encounter	a	mother’s	attempts	to	come	to	
terms	with	the	dissolution	of	a	marriage	and	an	equally	compelling	impera-
tive—to	shape	the	rough	material	of	life	into	art.	In	“The	Year	in	Review,”	the	
speaker	describes	her	neighbors	splashing	in	their	new	hot	tub,	a	vivid	scene	
that	inevitably	conjures	the	memory	of	the	spouse	who	“displaced	us	as	freely	
as	water.”	Looking	back	at	her	struggle	to	salvage	the	marital	bond,	she	recalls	
how	“the	word	‘maybe’	pivoted/like	a	turnstile	in	the	middle	of	our	fights,”	
all	effort	leading	to	a	“soul	crushing”	recognition	that	“everything	alive	in	the	
world	survives	by	adapting.”	
O’Neil	probes	the	smallest	moments	of	domestic	life,	capturing	the	tender	
exchanges	 between	mother	 and	 child	 in	 closely	 observed	 scenes.	Whether	
shampooing	a	child’s	hair	or	making	a	late	dinner	as	her	children	look	on,	the	
poet	finds	laughter	and,	at	times,	a	measure	of	grace.	“In	Never	Let	Them	See	
You	Cry,”	we	encounter	the	familiar	struggle	of	mothers	to	shield	their	children	
from	emotional	pain.	Here,	the	mother’s	gardening	becomes	a	source	of	solace	
and	a	means	of	redemption.	The	backyard	she	works	to	transform	may	be	a	
stony	ground	with	“tulips	choked	by	rot	underneath”	but	any	tears	she	sheds	at	
her	losses,	the	poet	suggests,	can	be	buried	in	the	yard	along	with	“everything	
else/you	hope	might	grow.”	Her	hard	work	ultimately	yields	results,	as	when	
her	shears	“clip	forsythia	branches/for	the	dining	room	table.”	Beauty	may	not	
come	easily,	O’Neil	observes,	but	it	is	a	gift	that	can	be	steadily	cultivated.
There’s	wry	commentary	and	good-humored	reflection	in	O’Neil’s	poems	
 journal of the motherhood initiative             277 
about	the	challenges	of	sustaining	an	artistic	vocation	while	fulfilling	the	myriad	
duties	that	fall	to	a	divorced	mother.	She	imagines	how	her	children,	once	grown,	
might	portray	her	in	books	of	their	own,	and	considers	her	desire	to	fill	“the	
world	with	words/because	like	seashells/you	can	never	have	too	many.”	
Elsewhere,	O’Neil	writes	frankly	about	race,	particularly	those	circumstances	
in	which	she	must	confront	societal	response	to	her	children’s	biracial	identity.	
“Don’t	be	surprised/if	the	other	kids/wonder	what	you	are,”	she	warns	as	she	
prepares	 her	 son	 for	 kindergarten.	 Confident	 that	 with	 her	 guidance,	 her	
children	will	“claim”	their	own	“place	in	the	world,”	the	poet	in	her	must	also	
imagine	the	awkward	exchanges	to	be	faced:	the	school	children	“who	don’t	
know/it’s	impolite	to	ask/	‘Where’s	your	mama?’”	remain	oblivious	to	the	fact	
she	stands	there,	right	next	to	her	son,	“cautious	as	a	nanny.”	About	the	poems	
in	Little Misery,	O’Neil	writes,	“My	goal	always	is	to	temper	the	emotion	with	
craft,	and	make	the	best	poetry	I	can	out	of	heartbreak.”	A	poet	who	is	not	
afraid	to	confront	life’s	difficult	questions,	O’Neil	describes	the	art	of	poetry	
as	a	quest	to	“make	something	out	of	nothing,	and	of	making	the	ordinary	
extraordinary.”	Hers	is	a	vision	of	resilience	and	hope.
January	Gill	O’Neil	is	the	author	of	Underlife (CavanKerry	Press,	2009).	Her	
poems	and	articles	have	appeared	in	North American Review, The mom Egg, 
Crab Creek Review, Ouroboros Review, Drunken Boat, Crab Orchard Review, 
Callaloo, Literary Mama, Field, Seattle Review,	and	Cave Canem	anthologies	
ii	and	iv,	among	others.	Underlife	was	a	finalist	for	ForeWord	Reviews	Book	
of	the	Year	Award,	and	the	2010	Paterson	Poetry	Prize.	O’Neil	has	received	a	
Money	for	Women/Barbara	Deming	Memorial	Fund	grant	and	was	recently	
featured	 in	Poets & Writers	 magazine’s	 January/February	 2010	 Inspiration	
issue	as	one	of	its	12	debut	poets.	She	is	board	member/planning	committee	
member	for	the	2012	Massachusetts	Poetry	Festival.	A	Cave	Canem	fellow,	
January	is	a	senior	writer/editor	at	Babson	College,	runs	a	popular	blog	called	
Poet	Mom	(http://poetmom.blogspot.com),	and	lives	with	her	two	children	
in	Beverly,	Massachusetts.
	 	 	 	 	 	 							—Jane	Satterfield
editor’s note


Editor's Notes

Witek, Terri

 journal of the motherhood initiative            301 
terri witek
How to Affect an Ice Rescue
     1 inch Keep Off!
     2 inches one may,
     3 inches small groups,
     4 inches “O. K.”!
     —Girl Scout Handbook, 1947
Nothing reaches where we’ve gone under
so no talk, no plank, no red plastic bucket
skidding sideways toward winter’s volunteer well.
And don’t trust your feet
(the left still taps directions).
Forget the sky’s blue distraction.
As bystanders tie themselves
sleeve by wool sleeve together,
count expertly to nine
then redistribute your weight.
Via arms, breasts, genitals and knees,
slide across the opaque skin of the lake,
The Manual Proper
terri witek
302           volume 2,  number 1
which may, under this heat,
give way just a little.
Water birds plummet past, laughing.
A doctor’s been sent for.
Back on shore?
Blankets.  Hot chocolate.  Fire in a barrel.
But don’t take your eyes from the spot,
now glazing over, once gladly burned through.
How to Put Sound in the Movie
Remember, forests have mastered this game,
so while they gather up fireflies,
whisper like rain.
It’s not a matter of love or of pain.
Any light wants a voice.
Any dark needs the same.
Whisper bigger to see figured
(still economically)
love of eclipse and philosophy.
How to Make Friends Using Bat Wings
     
Maybe the first time you tried them on
they somehow galled or grounded you.
folio
 journal of the motherhood initiative            303 
Now if you hang them up
(you’ve also been trying to sleep lanternless)
they hover, sighing.
Perhaps it’s time to move more than air.
Pulling them a body’s width apart,
ask a stranger to slip the left wing on 
then stand out-of-doors together
until night alone can fill the chinks.
“Oh, but the body’s everything,”
sign some real bats then,
caroming among the palm trees
like smaller, more frantic fronds.
How to Make the Sky Stay Up
#   Think how sky swaths every head
     like a turban.  In houses it breathes 
     via furnace or air conditioning.
#   Be more technical still:
     down + up = up.
 
#   Keep your eyes on your feet.
     Gravity will help.
     On your feet, on your feet.
#   Mostly water yourself, 
     you’re also part sky.
     Let no one touch this,
terri witek
304           volume 2,  number 1
     not even you at your dirty weepiest.
#   Bribe lightning to groan
     “Don’t shower “ and
     “Together we’re electric.”
   
#   Take a job moonlighting  
     and keep moving up.
#   Don’t change anything else into sky.  
     You’ll be intoxicatingly unsuccessful.
     You’ll waste your life.


The Manual Proper

 journal of the motherhood initiative            297 
Manual for Children Leaving Home
terri witek
Weaning as Prototype
a.   A Brief History of the Bottle Includes
who built it first,
who nursed it,
who tied a label to its neck
then swung it from the county jetty,
who took it both 
as spar and eyeglass,
who sinned by it,
who swore by it,
who bore each splinter 
like a martyrdom
and knew which miracles
it worked (The Breaking 
of the Pate, The Reverse
Piñata), who stood watch
with it uncorked, or,
smearing its mouth with sweets,
caressed neck and shoulders,
hoping it could be dangled 
humanely or from 
an unknown angle.
brought to you by COREView metadata, citation and similar papers at core.ac.uk
provided by Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and...
terri witek
298           volume 2,  number 1
b.  Cold War Cautionaric  
Like low-rent majorettes,
we shared sparklers while the Weikel brothers, 
Theodore and Robert, spiked the alley 
with roman candles. 
Someone’s eye fell out.
The clubhouse vanished into embers.
Frowns embossed themselves on brows.
We couldn’t say how H2O
in bottle rockets scrubs their flight —
we weren’t Newtonians,
(though Chucky Partain, 
pitching rocks at a garage-door’s 
row of dirty diamonds, was.)  
Spit!  Fetch holy water! 
Mrs. Weikel, nurse to a perpetual plummy funk,
broke down and called the fire truck.
c. Post-War (Deep History) Cautionaric
The investigation links sweat on a boot tongue 
to me, a label’s lick to you.
Offshore, creatures solder themselves together,
build long, evidentiary reefs
that swiftly confiscate beach.
folio
 journal of the motherhood initiative            299 
So though each vintage has its legs, bottle,
we can’t run—which in our common delirium 
suggests treading water.
Recall that the Civil War amputations
by Dr. Bliss were perfect save for the sepsis.
Another recommendation to stay bottled up:
“All the time he was out of his head
not one bad word or idea escaped him” —
thus Walt Whitman wrote Corporal Irwin’s mother
after the boy, wounded near Fort Fisher, succumbed.
Thirty years later a Pennsylvania man
donates a limb which has outgrown him;
it’s still a nightmare swagger jamming glass.
After we’ve been rescued, bottle,
we’ll visit it at the National Medical Museum
along with the dry thigh bone of Private Oscar Wilbur,
wounded at Chancellorville, who, as he malingered,
asked Whitman if he “enjoy’d religion”
and was told, at least in the water-rippled 
account of this I stole from a library,
“Perhaps not, my dear, in the way you mean.”
d. Bottle Rebottled 
Chasing the ghost of an idea,
terri witek
300           volume 2,  number 1
I found a solid bottle that displayed,
if I considered too its slanted mouth,
more than one way to be illogical.
But when I claimed a splinter
then tossed the whole contraption shoreward,
I recalled a thirst so clear
no tide would suit me.
So I’m glad it’s gone beyond me.
Sly undrinkable,
through which the secret grains travel
as if to serve some larger table,
consider me for once less scoffer than I was.
And to all who dislike a crooked span?
Go easy on the bottle, friends.
Note to Bottle
To you I’m a maker’s mark,  the great unweaned.
My view through sunstroked glass?   More green.


Manual for Children Leaving Home

Motapanyane, Maki

The Joys of Motherhood, 2nd ed.

McHenry, Kristen Abatsis

 journal of the motherhood initiative          307 
Book Reviews
Feminist Mothering
Andrea O’Reilly, ed.
Albany: State University of New York Press, 2008. 
Reviewed by Kristen Abatsis McHenry
Feminist Mothering sets out to critically analyze and build on the existing 
scholarship of motherhood. Specifically, this book offers a theoretical inves-
tigation into the conceptual interconnections of mothering and feminism. 
It seeks to articulate what feminist mothering means, how it is sometimes 
practiced, and the barriers facing feminist mothers. The articles gathered here 
centre on themes of motherhood, family, childrearing, and activism. The au-
thors represent a wide range of mothers, including lesbian mothers, older 
mothers, professional and non-professional mothers, activist mothers, His-
panic mothers, and African American mothers.
 Editor Andrea O’Reilly builds on Adrienne Rich’s foundational work in 
the field of mothering to draw important distinctions between patriarchal 
motherhood and empowered mothering. O’Reilly argues that empowered 
mothering focuses on women’s experiences of mothering as opposed to the 
institution of motherhood. Feminist mothering is much more than raising 
children in a gender-sensitive manner. It also means mentoring and providing 
an image of the strength and power of women, while challenging patriarchal 
motherhood.
Much of the literature on motherhood focuses on personal narratives and 
individual experiences of motherhood. In contrast, this volume discusses the 
important but understudied subject of feminist mothering. It provides critical 
analysis of concepts informing motherhood, such as feminism (including third 
wave feminism), the multiplicity of oppression, and intersections of identity. 
At its core, this book is also a feminist undertaking precisely because it uses 
book reviews
308          volume 2, mumber 1
feminist theoretical concepts to push the dialogue of mothering. Moreover, 
the articles included here model feminist methodologies and research design, 
including interviewing techniques and qualitative data analysis.
Feminist Mothering is an informative book. It will appeal to a wide reader-
ship of academics, feminists, motherhood scholars, and new mothers alike.
Pushing for Midwives: 
Homebirth Mothers and the Reproductive Rights 
Movement
Christa Craven. 
Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 2010.
Reviewed by Michelle Walks
Focused on midwifery supporters, Pushing for Midwives offers a historical and 
cultural perspective on the struggle for legal access to direct-entry midwives 
(dem) in the state of Virginia. Author Christa Craven approaches her study 
as an anthropological researcher and supporter of midwifery and homebirth. 
Throughout her book, Craven asserts that race and class have a significant 
impact on the public understanding and private experience of reproductive 
rights in the United States. She masterfully deploys contextual analysis, in-
cisive critique, and accessible language to engage readers who might be more 
interested in the status of or struggle for midwifery elsewhere, grassroots or-
ganizing, and/or mothering studies.
Craven situates her research within feminist ethnography, “consumer 
rights,” neoliberalism, and interdisciplinary activist scholarship. She begins 
her book with a brief history of the status of midwifery and the involvement 
of homebirth mothers in the legalization of dem in Virginia. The remain-
der of the book outlines the historical struggle to legalize dems in Virginia 
and the opposing perceptions of the visible and vocal midwifery supporters—
mostly homebirth mothers themselves—whom Craven studied. Her histori-
cal overview—which may seem to overshadow her participant-observation 
research—traces the reproductive rights movement in the United States. The 
latter chapters, however, are undoubtedly the “guts” of the book. 
These latter chapters show how “practices and values [that] constitute re-
spectable motherhood can shift over time” (6). Craven highlights how the 
