Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Wane, Njoki Nathani

English

Reflections on the Mutuality of Mothering: Women, Children, and Othermothering

Backes, Nancy

"Beyond the World of Guilt and Sorrow": Separation, Attachment and Creativity in Literary Mothers and Sons

Contributor Notes

Mogadime, Dolana

Black Girls/Black Women-Centred Texts and Black Teachers as Othermothers

O'Reilly, Andrea

Inaugurating the Association for Research on Mothering

Braun, Kara Lynn

Kara Lynn Braun 
Free to Be ... You and Me 
Considering the Impact of 
Feminist Influences in Children's 
Literature from the 7970s 
What are Little Boys Made of? 
What are little boys made of, made of 
What are little boys made of? 
Love and care 
And skin and hair 
That's what little boys are made of. 
What are little girls made of, made ofP 
What are little girls made of? 
Care and love 
And (see above) 
That's what little girls are made of. 
-Elaine Laron 
The beauty of Elaine Laron's (1974a) poem lies in it's simplicity and it, 
without doubt, reflects the world we wish for our children. However I would 
suggest that it is perhaps too simple and that ifwe really want a world where 
boys and girls can be equal and I think they deserve nothing less-they should 
be told that theworldandparticularlyour culture as it stands today is not equally 
accommodating for boys and girls, women and men, just as it was not in 1974. 
Children have an innate sense ofjustice and thrive on knowing the truth and 
we must honour that sense of truth in the stories we give them. 
Looking at this body of children's literature from the 1970s that was so 
obviously influenced by popular feminism, I see two problems. First, the way 
in which adult relationships are portrayed is not realistic. Conflict is seldom an 
issue and if it is, it's very neat. Secondly, women's roles as mothers are not 
accurately reflected. We  have books about moms who work but seldom stories 
Journaloftbe Associationfor Research on Mothering ( 137 
Kbra Lynn Braun 
that speak to the reality of juggling work, relationships and children. I'm a 
mother, I'm a student, I'm "married," my partner runs a business-I consider 
my life pretty dynami~that 's  on a good day-on bad days I thinkit's just crazy 
and the only thing I can remember from my childhood that might have 
suggested what was to come is that 'Calgon" bath commercial where the 
woman says, "take me away." 
Free to Be.. . . You and Me (1974), the book in which Laron's poem was 
published, represented a movement whose time had come. The work of early 
"popular" feminists such as Gloria Steinem was being heardwUmen and 
women are equal" was the message. And what better way to ensure a future of 
equality than to tell young girls and boys that they could be anything they 
wanted, as long as they worked together, and respected each other. (Assuming 
all other things are equal was the part they left out.) In realitywe knowjust how 
gender-constrained the world remains. 
T o  be fair, the '70s did see a mass ofbooks that dealtwith "reality"-books 
about divorce, disability, families ofmixed race, etc. These books are all shelved 
in what is called the "issue" section at any children's library and I have been told 
that kids don't go near them. Parents do because they make them feelgood. But 
kids want adventure and fantasy-the books I'm asking for must be full of these 
things but they can also reflect reality in a way that is very telling and in a way 
that honours children as people who have a pretty good idea of how things 
work. 
Published in 1974 as a Ms. Foundation Project, Free to Be.. . . You andMe 
was developed and edited by Carol Hart, Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Mary 
Rodgers, and Mar10 Thomas. Thomas explains in her introduction that she 
found herselfunable to find inspiring books for her young niece. She writes, "I 
wanted a book for Dionne, a special book, a party of a book, to celebrate who 
she was and who she could be, all the possibilities and all the possible Dionnes." 
And so Free to Be.. . . You andMe was conceived. Popular writers such as Car1 
Reiner, She1 Silverstein, Carol Hall, Judy Blume, and Anne Roiphe contrib- 
uted with titles such as "Parents are People," "It's all Right to Cry," and "Glad 
to Have a Friend like You." 
The Sun and the Moon 
The Sun is filled with shining light 
It blazes far and wide 
The Moon reflects the sunlight back 
But has no light inside. 
I think I'd rather be the Sun 
That shines so bold and bright 
Than be the Moon, that only glows 
With someone else's light. 
Elaine Laron (1974b) 
138 1 Volume l, Number l 
The Impact of Feminist Inzuences in Children's Literature 
I t  has taken me a long time to realize that you can't always be the sun. 
Sometimes you have to be the moon--and it's ok to be the moon. Is it possible 
that some of our preconceived notions about equality, messages that I clearly 
remember being part of my environment were not more than a little mislead- 
ing? One should ofcourse acknowledge the class and cultural limitations ofFree 
to Be.. . . The book would have been accessible to a particularly middle-class 
audience-an environment rich with reading material, pretty much free of 
violence and discrimination-I grew up in an environment in which I could 
easily soak up this stuff and very easily imagine a future of equality. I just wish 
there had been some sort of disclaimer that said I could not expect everyone to 
have read the book nor to have understood the message as I did and therefore 
should probably expect some resistance along the way. 
I don't think we can underestimate the influence of children's literature 
especially in the hands of people whom we trust and admire. Eloise by Kay 
Thom~son,  was published in 1957 and is enjoying a recent revival of sorts. The 
main character, Eloise is the perfect example of a not-so-stereotypical little girl. 
I can't read this book without hearing my Nana's voice and I knew that she 
wished the two of us could be just like Eloise and her Nanny who lived at the 
Plaza Hotel in New York City, running up and down the halls and pestering 
the bellhops. Similarly, my uncle, someone who has always encouraged me to 
be independent-(he used to tell me to go play on the road)-gave me my own 
copy of Free to Be.. . . You and Me. 
What kind of stories would I like to see? Stories that reflect the realities of 
this world, with characters that question those realities. The '70s were full of 
books about very independent, adventurous, bold, boisterous, spunky little girls 
who who could match any boy-in terms of strength and bravery. Some of these 
were pretty over the top. My daughter's fivourite, fiom 1973 is called, Benjamin 
and Tulip by Rosemary Wells. The first line reads, "Every time Benjamin 
passed Tulip's house, she said, 'I'm gonna beat you up.'" Eventually Benjamin 
and Tulip learn to be friends of course. 
As inspiring as these very un-stereotypical characters are it would be nice 
if once and a while, one of these very self assured young girls would run into 
somebody who says, no . . . it doesn't matter how confident you are . . . this is the 
way the world is . . . and have the young girl take in the dynamics ofthe situation 
. . . perhaps question why she is encountering such resistance . . . and then come 
up with a way--perhapswith the help of friends or family, to work through the 
problem. W e  must also acknowledge the desperate need for thoughtful stories 
about young boys. Stories about kind, caring boys-eager to imagine a world 
that is different and that speak to what it means to be a boy in this culture. 
Stories that tell little boys how much we respect them as unique human beings, 
that we expect a great deal from them, and that we trust they will grow as 
thoughtful and caring people. 
Mothers are present in many of the stories as supporting characters, 
offering advice or threatening punishment but seldom do the mothers in these 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 139 
fira Lynn Braun 
stories do anything else. Unless the story is specifically about mothers who 
work, and there are lots ofbooks about all  the "things" that mothers can be, they 
remain very stereotypical. 
Parents Are People 
Mommies are ~eople. 
People with children. 
When mommies were little 
They used to be girls, 
Like some of you, 
But then they grew. 
And now mommies are women, 
Women with children, 
Busy with children 
And things that they do. 
There are a lot of things 
A lot of mommies can do. 
Some mommies are ranchers 
Or poetry makers 
Or doctors or teachers 
Or cleaners or bakers. 
Some mommies drive taxis 
Or sing on TV. 
Yes, mommies can be 
Almost anything they want to be. 
Carol Hall (1974) 
Stories such as Hall's seldom look at how mothers combine their work as 
mothers with other interests. I had a mother who worked at a job she seemed 
to enjoy and I think I always assumed that I would want to do the same. But 
I also knew that my mother also did the majority ofwork in our home including 
the cooking and cleaning and was the parent most intimately concerned with 
our day to day activity. And I knew she was often tired and overwhelmed. I grew 
up expecting to share equal responsibility for a home and for children with a 
partner who would want the same thing for both of us. But low and behold, for 
whatever reasons, I am currently the primary care giver to our &id and I seem 
to be doing more than my fair share of dishes. 
Admittedly, I have chosen to stay at home. However I do consider the time 
I spend alone with our child as challenging and as valuable as my partner's work. 
I also expect for us to share child care equally when we have rare opportunities 
to parent together. But it does not seem to happen just because I expect it and 
there have been few successful models for us to turn to. 
I wish that I could be the perfect role model but I cannot and so I think 
140 1 Volume I ,  Number 1 
The Impact ofFrminist Influences in Children's Literature 
about stories thatwe can offer our children-stories that we did not have. What 
about a story where the mother really wants to stay at home with her baby and 
has a partnerwho wants to work so that she can do that. But sometimes she feels 
that she is the only one making a point of remembering doctor's appointments 
and birthdays and writing to grandparents and so she figures out a way of asking 
for help without getting mad at her partner and she is able to help that person 
see that it isn't fair for her to have all that responsibility just because she is at 
home caring for their child. The same woman might decide that she really 
wants to work outside of the home and could ask her partner to help her make 
that a possibility. 
Sarah Garland (1982) is a British writer and illustrator whose work 
accurately depicts what spending time with a child is like. Garland has a knack 
for identifying the "everyday" things like struggling to get children into car seats 
while balancing grocery carts and keeping an eye on dogs. Or collapsing on the 
kitchen floor with a cup of tea because a young child is demanding to be read 
to that very second. Whiie her stories are exceedingly simple, the illustrations 
are incredibly comforting-and children love them. Of course there is no 
universal mothering experience and when I say that somebody's particular 
depiction of mothering speaks to me-it will not speak to everybody. 
I would like to see more stories that speak to the dynamics ofwanting to 
be with children but having other passions as well. I'd like to write a story about 
a woman who has a special talent for dreaming while she is with her children. 
While reading to her young children she projects herself into far away places 
and has great adventures. Whiie playing with blocks she fantasises about her 
own building projects. The beautill part of the story is when the woman is 
actually given the time at some point in the day to do these things, by somebody 
who obviously cherishes the work she does. Because being with children is 
work. Balancing careers and mothering and relationships is work. And I wish 
I'd grown up with stories that were respectful of this. Perhaps the realities of 
being an adult wouldn't have taken me so by surprise and taken me so long to 
realize that work is ok. Children aren't afraid ofwork. They just innately, do, 
they are driven to work-it is just us that calls it play. 
I have a great deal of respect for the work that happened during this period 
and I certainly thinkwe are further ahead then we would have been without it. 
The '70s were a unique time for children. There was lots of exciting work being 
done and there wasn't the extreme commercialism that we started to see in the 
'80s and that is so prevalent today. Likewise the '70s were a very special time 
for children's literature and it was a natural period for me to look at. These were 
the stories that I grew up with and because of that they have a great deal of 
meaning for me.Tlieyreekedofpossibility and they were exciting. The Concise 
Chcford says, that to "exciten is to "rouse the feelings or emotions of [aperson]." 
I think it's the perfect word to describe what happens in families. 
T o  conclude, I am most intrigued by the stories not told in these stories. 
As daughters of this liberal feminism of the early '70s--we got a very dear 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering ( 141 
&a Lynn Braun 
message but it was very idealistic and it made assumptions about the world as 
it was in 1974 and the world that wewere going to grow into. I can't saywhether 
my life would be any different if there had been more stories that accurately 
reflected what life is l i k b u t  when I look at the way parents and especially 
women are portrayed in children's books I think--come on, kids know what's 
going on-lets write stories that are real! 
In this world, certain ideologies exist that make it very difficult for men and 
women to be equal. Yes, the stories, so thoughtfully given to us were non-sexist, 
but the world is not. I certainly grew up wanting to believe that I could be 
anything I wanted to be. But a young person's sense of self must be incredibly 
strong if it was going to go head to head with institutionalised sexism. Popular 
culture, for example, that perpetuates sexism through everything from comic 
books to video games, and a school system with a curriculum that has been 
proven gendered time after time. And most significantly, the home, where 
gendered stereotypes play themselves out like a worn record. What about all 
the other factors thatwill contribute to our personal happiness and self-esteem? 
It's very difficult for many young women to feel good about themselves and to 
like themselves when they are constantly faced with media messages that 
question who they are. 
What these stories didn't tell us was how we might go about realising our 
expectations in the real world. The notion of having it all and being it all, and 
having to be all, has become very problematic for women. Assuming you will 
be treated as an equal does not guarantee that you will be. The fact that you have 
decided you will not do all the housework does not mean that the person you 
chose to share a house with will think the same way. 
Housework 
. . . Children, 
when you have a house of your own 
make sure, when there's housework to do, 
that you don't have to do it alone. 
Little boys, little girls, 
when you're big husbands and wives, 
if you want all the days of your lives 
to seem sunny as summer weather 
make sure, when there's housework to do, 
that you do it together. 
Sheldon Harnick (1974) 
Finally, what I find troubling about Free to Be.. . . You and Me, from a 
materialist feminist, stay at home mom perspective is that the book fails to ask 
questions. I really wish for stories that ask questions about why things are the 
way they are. Questioning after all is the first step to realising change. Why 
142 1 Volume 1, Number 1 
The Impact +Feminist Inflcnccs in Children? Literature 
aren't all people equal? Aren't some people disadvantaged to the point of never 
being able to be equal? Wi it be hard for little girls to grow up and be anything 
they want to be? Will there be people who will stand in our way? Even people 
who love us? 
Yes boys and girls can do anything but why aren't my mother and father 
equal? Where were the stories about men and women who argue but who 
respect each other and work to find solutions for everybody. Stories with adults 
who didn't agree about everything but who honoured each other enough as 
individuals to work things out. Stories that acknowledge the "excitingn dynam- 
ics of families---the rousing of emotions that is so a part of life. It is something 
to write stories that inspire children, that nurture creativity, personal growth 
and selfesteem. I continue to struggle for a balance between fostering not only 
self esteem, but a critical awareness of the world and the cultures unto which 
our c h i i e n  must exist. 
As feminists, let's writeforchildren. Stories that are not about making us 
feel good but thatwill serve our children well. Let's tell them the stories we wish 
we'd been told, the stories we yearn to tell. Yes we'll tell them about the world 
we want for them and the worlds we want them to be able to imagine for 
themselves but let's also talk about the world that we live in. Stories that reflect 
the dynamics of real fimilies and that model resolution. Life is not easy, 
nurturing relationships, finding balances as women between the needs of 
children, partners, and ourselves--will rouse "emotionn-it will be exciting. 
Only in acknowledging that can we really befie. 
Notes 
Books that are problematic can be very useful--they provide excellent 
opportunities to ask questions and challenge stereotypes. You can start practis- 
ing this with very young children. For example, why do you think the Mother 
in this story is always doing the dishes? 
Develop reading strategies, ie., reversing gender, pasting revisions into 
books. Have you ever tried to make Tigger a "shen instead of a "he?" 
As adults we have to tell our own stories and be honest with ourselves and 
thus tell our children about why things are the way they are. We can say, 
"Mommy is tired right now and feeling lousy because nobody is helping with 
the dishes." 
Theatre is an incredible tool-acting out favourite stories (including 
personal stories) will often offer unique insight into a situation. 
References 
Garland, Sarah. 1982. Going Shopping. London: P u a n  Books. 
Hall, Carol. 1974. "Parents are People." Free to Be.. . . You andMe. Eds. Carole 
Hart, Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Mary Rodgers and Mar10 Thomas. New 
York: McGraw-Hill. 48-49 
Journal ofthe Association for Rescarch on Mothm'ng 1 143 
Kara Lynn Braun 
Harnick, Sheldon. 1974. "Housework." Free to Be.. . . You andMe. Eds. Carole 
Hart, Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Mary Rodgers and Marlo Thomas. New 
York: McGraw-Hill. 54-59 
Hart, Carole., Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Mary Rodgers, and Marlo Thomas, eds. 
1974. Free to Be.. . .You and Me. New York: McGraw-Hill. 
Laron, Elaine. 1974a. 'What are Little Boys Made Of?." Free to Be.. . . You and 
Me. Eds. Carole Hart, Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Mary Rodgers and Marlo 
Thomas. New York: McGraw-Hill. 38 
Laron, Elaine. 197413. "The Sun and the Moon." Free to Be.. . . YouandMt. Eds. 
Carole Hart, Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Mary Rodgers and Marlo Thomas. 
New York: McGraw-Hill.136 
Thompson, Kay. 1957. Eloise. London: Reinhardt. 
Wells, Rosemary. 1973. Benjamin and Tul9. New York: Dial Books. 
144 ( Volume 1, Number 1 


Free to Be...You and Me: Considering the Impact of Feminist Influences on Children's Literature from the 1970s

Kruk, Laurie

Laurie Kruk 
Turning and twisting 
in the wine-dark sea 
of forty-two weeks' odyssey, 
you were dreamed in autumn 
out of our daring hope 
and surfaced, mid-summer 
blown by storming waves 
into the wet pre-dawn light 
of labour's fifteen hour triumph 
and your mother's wild cry 
before your own sailor's announcement 
of landfall. Big little woman, 
weaving destiny from a web 
of tangled blood threads, 
you already harbour the seeds 
of your own interior ocean. 
Long fingers grasp so tiny, so strong 
rose mouth reaching out, trusting 
for what I did not know was there, 
you were welcomed 
by wise and brave women, 
your mother among them, 
and wrapped in the warmth 
of your father's arms, 
which ached from coaxing 
your safe passage home 
between the rocky straits of 
the uncertainty of birth 
to the constantly shifting ground 
of a suddenly enlarged earth: 
you emptied the nine-months space 
under my heart 
only to enter it forever. 
Penelope in Odyssey 
(July 26,1998) 
18 1 Volume l ,  Number l 


Penelope In Odyssey

Bosco, Angie

Angie Bosco 
Motherhood 
Motherhood, as I gaze into your eyes 
I see a reflection of myself that I don't recognize. 
As you suckle, you chew up my heart and spit it out again. 
Your love is pure and relentless. 
I t  makes me hate myself for the days, 
the hours, the minutes, that I don't love you the same way. 
Motherhood, it has chewed me up and spit me out again. 
I am a puzzle now. 
I can't seem to put the pieces back together, 
so that I can know myself again. 
Motherhood, my power now seems so great 
and it resonates in all the history books. 
But yet the love you have brought, 
A love that binds me and twists my heart, 
greater than any other lover ever has, 
is the greatest power. 
Motherhood, it defines the life I bring into the world. 
It defines my life like no other force could. 
The darkest womb, my womb, a metaphor for our universe, 
carries the seeds of my salvation, 
my motherhood. 
32 1 Volume l ,  Number l 


Motherhood

Gabb, Jacqui

Imag(in)ing the Queer Lesbian Family

Duane, Anna Mae

Book Reviews 
within an English literary context. 
I was most stunned and awed by the epigraphs which are interspersed 
between chapters. Here Dever shows her meticulous research into the actual 
causes of maternal death or madness in Victorian England, and her poignant 
epigraphs, taken from contemporary medical records, manuals, and journals, 
show just how far removed the picture of the fictional idealized dead mother 
was from that of the real dying or diseased mother. But these corpses remind 
us, as Dever's study suggests, that the Victorian novels are really not "concerned 
with the woman behind the mother they mourn" (35). 
A Tradition That Has No Name: Nurturing the 
Development of People, Families and Communities. 
Mary Field Belenky, Lynne A. Bond and Jacqueline Weinstock. 
New York: Basic Books, 1997. 
Reviewed by Anna Mae Duane 
As the title suggests, A Tradition that HasNo Name deals with a maternal 
mode of experience largely unarticulated in established scholarly discourses. 
The authors argue that nurturing feminist leadership has been practiced for 
centuries, but the tradition's alternative methods and largely invisible clientele 
have kept it from getting the recognition it deserves. Through the description 
of their own work and that ofvarious feminist organizations, the authors hope 
to elucidate this nameless tradition, and expand its capacity to empower the 
lives of marginalized and silenced people. Building on the insights gained from 
Mary BelenYs 1986 Women's Ways of Knowing in conjunction with the 
epistemological theories of Carol Gilligan, Paulo Freire, andTheodor Adorno, 
the authors delineate a comprehensive leadership model for families, commu- 
nities and organizations. This alternative model privileges inclusion, discussion 
and empathy rather than the hierarchy, argument and competition that pervade 
mainstream thought. 
The book's first section describes the Listening Partners project, a public 
service program the authors created to bring impoverished and undereducated 
women "into voicew through verbal and written dialogue. The authors describe 
individual cases (such as a rape victim who moves beyond shame and silence to 
finally confront her rapist) and-in so doing provide an overview of the project 
itself to present a pedagogical model with striking interdisciplinary potential. 
The study represents a particularly significant contribution to the fields ofsocial 
Journal ofthe Associationjior Research on Mothering 1 21 9 
Book Reviews 
work andor public policy, but the project also offers a worthy model for 
educators. For instance, writing instructors willlikelybe struckby the centrality 
of narrative and revision to the project's mission. Perhaps most important, the 
authors link the evolution of the way one thinks to a parallel progression in the 
way one relates. For instance, the study suggests that a mother "who perceives 
herself as a capable collaborator in the construction of knowledge will be more 
likely to engage her child in the active and collaborative creation of ideas" 
(Belenky, Bond, and Weinstock, 1997: 151). 
In the second section of the book, Mary Belenky provides a succession of 
laudatory portraits culled from interviews with leaders of various feminist 
organizations. Unfortunately, Belenky here abandons the rigorous attention to 
detail that makes the first half of this book an important interdisciplinary 
resource. Although intended to elucidate a previously unarticulated tradition, 
the language used to describe the nurturing model in practice often slips into 
distressing generalizations. 
In short, A Tradition That Has No Name is an important book that often 
works at cross-purposes with itself. The success of the Listening Partners 
project argues strongly that a nurturing, maternal pedagogy deserves inclusion 
in standard public policy. But instead of claiming the territory this model 
deserves, Mary Belenky's overly simplistic treatment of the philosophy itself 
provides scarce opportunities for practical application, and does little to bring 
this silenced tradition into the professional conversation. The book is at its best 
when it specifically addresses the struggles of marginalized women to claim the 
power of their own minds, but the rose-colored glasses the authors use to 
examine the tradition of female leadership often renders the pertinent details 
blurred and unreadable. 
220 1 Vo/ume I ,  Number I 


A Tradition that Has No Name: Nurturing the Development of People, Families and Communities