Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Kruk, Laurie

Laurie Kruk 
First Birds 
for E lena ,  8 m o n t h s  
There are birds, flying 
out of your throat 
birr birr, birrr 
and I glance 
at the emptywindow 
where moments before 
wings whirred, beaks dipped 
in seed reservoir then flashed, back 
into absence: 
leaving your words, winged. 
You stick tiny, tenacious hands 
right into the heart of things, 
like my opening lips, too close for a kiss- 
tugging at tongue, teeth and mouth 
as if to unlock 
birr birr birr! 
the swallow-starling fountain 
of talk, of sound. Of meanings 
that fly. Those wings, words. And write 
the air. 
Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering 1 139 


English

First Birds

Koppelman, Susan

A Meditation on Mothers and Sons by Nathan’s Mother

Garvan, Joan

Book Reviews 
seat of the family sedan, a seminal event well-planned and gone amiss, our 
heroine, M ,  continues to stray from the paved, walled road of conformity laid 
out for her. True to her unconventional introduction to the world, M strives to 
follow her own inner voice throughout childhood. The dialogue with herself 
about when to acquiesce to parental commands and when not to holds the 
promise of strife to follow. 
The use of split text to add power to the inner and outer dialogue in the 
chapter on her oldest sister is an exquisite example of post modernist style and 
is evocative of an era that demanded conformity, control, and obedience of 
daughters andwives. M never quite lives up to expectations; yet there are small 
moments of e~iphanywhen we glimpse the promise of a future not ~redicated 
by past failures. Mother is a 50s type, obsessive cleaner of a house, a woman who 
can only control the externality of experience. And this is all the independence 
that she will permit herself and her daughters. 
M's first burst offreedom is achieved through learning to ride horses from 
awomanwho speaks in metaphor. Eventually she loses her favourite mount and 
stops riding. Young girls must not seek freedom and independence through 
riding. They must not have crotches. 
The underlying theme of rebellion and the search for freedom from 
constraints imposed from above is echoed and re-echoed through M's narra- 
tives of small acts of defiance, culminating in her sexual liaisons with inappro- 
priate father figures in college. She is seduced into the idea of marriage with one 
such man and suffers a breakdown. The marriage is doomed before it begins. 
A second marriage and the birth of a daughter hold forth the promise of 
redemption. Salvation is hinted at in the flourishing, randomly planted garden 
and with the birth of her daughter. And yet.. . "Why did you name me Lily?" 
". . . my mother's favourite flower was lily of the valley." "But we hardly see your 
mother." This is a well-told tale of a young woman's struggle to emerge 
somewhat victoriously from the imposition of her mother's will into the light 
of her own day. 
A Better Woman: A Memoir 
Susan Johnson 
Sydney, Australia: Ramdom House, 1999 
Reviewed by Joan Garvan 
Reading A Better Woman is like talking with one of the mothers at the local 
playgroup. The difference, however, is that you have all afternoon, free of 
Journal oftbe Association for Research on Mothering 1 205 
Book Reviews 
interruptions. The mother is agifted storyteller who can create a scene right in 
- 
front of you. She is uninhibited in describing graphically the grimy details as 
well as the personal relationships. She bares all to you and all you can say is, 'Yes, 
yes tell me more." Well that is how I felt when reading Johnson's book. For 
some reason, after becoming a mother and discovering the reams ofpaper that 
are being shed on the experience, I was glued. I wanted to keep reading, and 
hearing, what others have to say about their experience and practice of 
mothering and hopefully one day I will have had my full. But not yet. I am in 
the midst of it and I am wondering how many are out there with me. 
Motherland is aphysical, emotional, all consuming place that our former selves 
cannot know we visit. Becoming a mother is like migrating to a foreign place 
with an unknown language and no return passage. Here you are and what about 
the history, culture, language, exchange rate, so on and so forth? A Better 
Woman is like a traveler's journal, someone who has been there and is describes 
her trip. Johnson is one of those who is immersed in the experience of 
motherhood. She uses her writing, in a sense, to work through her experiences. 
She says: "I am here to tell you that I can indeed be found in my books and it 
might even be argued that my deepest, unconscious selflives within them." 
In 1999, when the book was published, Johnson's two children were still 
youngsters under six. It  seems there may be at least two more books to follow 
ABetter Woman. After all, we have been there with her through her decision to 
have children, the births, the late nights, the relationship, and the after-effects. 
If you haven't heard about or experienced a recto-vaginal fistula, Johnson 
describes the experience graphically in case youwoul\d like to know howit feels. 
We do not really hear a lot about her children, Casper and Rose. This is 
a book about Susan. She looks back on her former self and wonders how she 
could have ever guessed where she would be these years down the road. Her 
former self would not have believed it; mind you, she would not have changed 
anything. She would do it all again. 
Motheringin the '80s and the'90s has brought forth a multitude ofbookss. 
Women all over are grappling with the experience and publishing their 
findings. Johnson's is one such attempt but her story is an intimate one. Johnson 
does not try to understand or explain the experience of becoming a mother; 
rather, she describes it. I loved reading A Better Woman and I am looking 
forward to the forthcoming editions. 
206 1 Volume 2, Number 1 


A Better Woman: A Memoir

Peets, Christine

Christine Peets 
Feminist Moms and Sons 
Making A Difference 
When I first conceived this article a few years ago, I thought writing about 
feminist mothers and sons would pertain to non-sexist parenting, and the 
influences ofthe media, school, peers, family, etc. With the article finally being 
born (deliberate choice ofwords), I've found it goes much deeper than that. In 
the past, it seemed feminist scholars studied and wrote more about their 
challenges to the institution of motherhood rather than looking more specifi- 
cally a t  the mother-child relationship. That appears to be changing. Study of 
the mother-son relationship is very close to my heart as I am the mother of two 
sons, Eric, age 18, and Jeremy, age 15. 
In September 1998, I attended a fascinating conference, "Mothers and 
Sons Today: Challenges and Possibilities." There were speakers and partici- 
pants from Canada, the United States, Britain, Australia, and Israel. Many 
aspects ofthe mother-son relationship, and women's roles as mothers and non- 
mothers were discussed. While there were many references made to the 
mother-son relationship as portrayed in literature, I found the personal stories 
more riveting. 
One ofthe most difficult things for mothers (and fathers) is worrying about 
keeping their children safe. Whether it is protection from the neighbourhood 
bully, or to the extreme, literally keeping them alive, we worry. 
Mothers feeling responsible for their sons' survival was dramatically 
outlined by Amia Lieblich from Jerusalem who discussed the mother-son 
relationship in the shadow of war. "To put it into a historical context, if God 
had asked Sarah for her first born son, rather than asking Abraham, the answer 
would have been 'No'," Leiblich stated in discussing Israeli Jewish mothers' 
reluctance to follow the tradition of sending their 18-year-old sons to war. 
(Girls are sent to the army at the same age, but they do not face combat duty, 
98 1 Volume 2, Number l 
so have a much higher rate of survival than do 18-year-old boys.) 
Joyce EGng, an educator and sociologist from the United States, spoke of 
her difficulties in allowing her children to stay in the public school system with 
their neighbourhood peers. The violence is so prevalent in her neighbourhood; 
her son is the only one from his Grade 8 public school class left in the area. "The 
rest are either dead from gangviolence, or in prison, as a result ofbeing in agang 
and getting into trouble," she says. 
King is a black woman and very proud of her African-American heritage. 
T o  keep her son safe, she sends him, and her daughter, to aprivate school where 
most of their classmates are white. She also has them schooled in their African- 
American heritage by a neighbourhood scholar after their other studies are 
finished. She does this to help "recuperate their cultural consciousness." King 
noted that the decision to use private schools did not come easily. She has faced 
criticism from her community, and from other black scholars at the university 
where she teaches. "When our young men are protected by their mothers who 
are faced by institutional racism, an anger surfaces in them, and we can teach 
them to use that anger to turn it to a creative force and something positive comes 
from that." 
Throughout the conference, it was noted that roles and relationships 
between mothers and sons change as the boys grow to manhood. Indeed, 
Adrienne Rich (1976) noted more than 20 years ago, in her book "Of Woman 
Born" that in order to be "strong"; boys must "grow away" from their mothers, 
especially if she is a strong woman. Otherwise, he will be seen to be a "sissy." 
Marni Jackson, author ofthe book The Mother Zone (1992), was one ofthe 
keynote speakers at the Mothers and Sons conference. She disagrees with Rich. 
She noted that "mothers may think that we must let go of our sons in order for 
them to become men." Jackson says her theoryis simple: "The closer and more 
physical the bond between a mother and son is from the beginning, the greater 
the independence both will enjoy later on. In many ways, the message of our 
culture to the mothers of boys is not to hold, but to withhold. But by trusting 
ourselves, listening to our kids, and resisting those messages, we can begin to 
discover the true contours of the relationship between mothers and sons." 
Jackson has a 15-year-old son, and she says it has not been easy letting him find 
his own way, and make his own decisions. She says she has had to renegotiate - 
their "closeness contract" in order to respect his need for privacy more. 
But even when we do trust our kids, and ourselves, we look for support 
from others and we are devastated when we don't find it in the one place we 
thought we would from other feminists. Fiona Joy Green, another presenter at 
the conference, stated that in her research through the Women's Studies 
Program at the University of Manitoba, she finds a lack of support in raising 
sons in a "feminist mode" within the feminist communityitself. In her research, 
Green finds that feminist mothers often find "a lack of support for decisions 
that cast their children as outsiders . . . for example, for supporting non-athletic 
boys, or boys with longer hair." "There is still an assumption," she says, "that 
Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering 1 99 
boys who do not fit the 'masculine' model will be ousted by their peer group and 
by adults, and to conform to this ideal is still very important." Green notes that . A 
another area where feminist mothers lack support or where they are open to 
criticism, is when they are judged to be teaching, or expressing ideals that 
counter those that are presumed to be feminist. 
I have encountered this when I tell people that Eric is going to learn to 
design video and computer games, which he loves playing, and is very good at. 
These games are often criticized for being too violent, and anti-female. How 
can I, as a feminist, and a pacifist who has preached non-violence, accept this 
material being brought into my home, and support his choice to become more 
enveloped in that world? The easy answer is that as a mother, I support my 
children in all of their choices, and the right to make those choices, even if I 
don't agree with them. That's part of mothering. The trickier answer is that I 
accept it because I respect their critical thinking skills, and the fact they know 
fantasy from reality. There have been some games which I have out-and-out 
banned because of their overtly violent nature, and lack of story development. 
Fortunately, I have only had to do this a couple of times, when the boys 
were younger. If I question a game, we discuss its merits as far as the boys are 
concerned, and look at it critically together. T o  try and "get into their world," 
I have played a few of the video games. I wanted to see what the attraction was. 
I was thankful to find out it wasn't the fact that Lara Croft, the hero of "Tomb 
Raider," a strong, and capable woman, performs all of her deeds dressed in 
short-shorts and a halter top, showing her ample bosom. The attraction ofthat 
game, for all of us, was the challenge of moving from one level to the other, 
getting past a number of obstacles, and enemies, while developing strength and 
skill. I couldn't get past the first level, because I could never get all ofthe buttons 
co-ordinated to move the character the way you want her to go, but I found it 
challenging just the same. A bigger challenge for my sons was teaching me to 
play. 
In playing the games, I found greatvariety-everything from sports to road 
races to 'strategy" military-style games. Our discussions of these games (and 
the movies and television shows they watch) showed me young men who do 
respect women, and their abilities. They see women in leadership roles, even if 
the context is one I don't necessarilylike. (being a "commando"). Eric feels that 
if women want to be in the military, and can pass basic training, all options 
should be open to them. Fortunately, he sees this is not the case, and there is 
need for change. 
Media aside, there are a number ofthings in the outside world to which our 
sons will be exposed, and perhaps influenced by. Whether these influences- 
peers, other family members, and school-wind up having more influence on 
their value system than do their parents, especially their mothers, is still 
debatable. 
Green says that feminist mothers try to balance their philosophies with the 
pressure the children feel from the outside world. She adds that having open 
100 I Volume 2, Number 1 
Feminist Moms and Sons 
discussion with our children, especially our sons, about the variations of 
understanding the world, and what is harmful to people, and what is not so 
harmful, is often at the heart of a feminist mother's parenting. 
She adds that while mothers may have strong influence in their son's lives 
when the child is young, fathers have more influence, as the boy grows older. 
There are great variations in terms of support the feminist mother receives here, 
from non-existent, especially if the father is not present in the home, to a true 
and equal sharing ofparenting responsibilities and teachings. Our sons have an 
involved, loving father who supports my feminist principles when they make 
sense to him. At other times, compromises are reached and differences in 
attitudes discussed. He has accompanied them to films we might have 
otherwise forbidden and then they have a discussion about it. All of this gives 
the boys good role models for healthy relationships. 
While it may not be as strong as feminists perceived it to be, there is support 
for feminist mothering from other feminists. Hence the conferences on 
mothering. Also, Mothers Are Women (MAW), a non-profit feminist group 
based in Ottawa advocates for all mothers, and particularly for the concerns of 
those who have spent, or are spending, some length of time at home as primary 
caregivers. Lisa Zanyk, Sue Robins, Stephanie Lienert, and Roxanne Higgins 
are MAW members who shared their thoughts on feminists raising sons. These 
women are involved with their community, some are writers, and all are 
politicized about changing the world for women who choose to be at home with 
their children. 
Lienert, whose son is 21 months old, says that she has heard some feminist 
moms desiring a daughter, in front of their male children, which, to her, is as 
sexist as fathering desiring sons over their daughters. "I feel this only leads to 
low self-esteem, misogyny, and possible gender confusion. A male child 
brought up in a loving, approving, respectfid household will most likely grow 
up well-adjusted, healthy and very feminist (humanist)." 
Zanyk is the mother of two sons, and a daughter, ages ten, eight and six 
respectively. She worries that her "actions contradict my feminism" because she 
is in the more "traditional" role of mom at home. Zanyk says she is determined 
that her sons will not be men who "power trip or prey upon women." She talks 
to them, and her daughter, about sexual discrimination, stereotyping, and 
looking at a wide range of options for studies in school and the future, including 
being at home with children. 
Robins says that a t  the tender age of five, her son Isaac tells her the 
"difference between boys and girls is that girls wear lipstick and boys don't, and 
that girls can do whatever boys do, and boys can do whatever girls do." She feels 
that if he can always keep that last statement in mind, he will "grow up to be 
a good man." 
Higgins says that even though her son Brendan is only two, she has already 
been faced with what she says is her biggest challenge: "buffering the percep- 
tions of the world. So many people are quick to set boundaries for him in 'boys 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 101 
Christine Peets 
do this, they are fast at climbing, slow at toilet training.' Even feminist 
acquaintances do this." 
Higgins also makes reference to American author and psychologist 
William Pollock talks about the "boy code" in his book, Raising Sons. His 
studies, says Higgins, show that boys hurt as much as girls [emotionally] but it 
is a more cloaked or covert way. This "boy code," however, does not impede 
boys progress in the workforce6it is their membership card in a way. 
"How do you become a member if you haven't been given the "boy code" 
test (i.e., girls aren't included in this club)?" Higgins asks. ''We unfortunately 
don't grow out of this 'playground contest stuff as adults. I t  becomes imprinted 
on our identity, which we carry into the boardroom in adult life. As we tell our 
children, can't we all learn to co-operate rather than compete with each other, 
and try to learn from each other?" 
British sociologist Janet Sayers noted at the conference that when we teach 
our sons to dealwith all kinds of emotions, including anger, fear, and rejection, 
we teach them to learn compassion for others as well as themselves, and they 
do not feel as threatened by others anger towards them. 
Letty Cottin Pogrebin, author of Growing Up Free (1981), and Family 
Politics(1985), notes there is apositive effect on young men andwomen oftoday 
from non-sexist parenting, and from feminism. When interviewed for this 
article, she said, "There is an ethos of 'I can do, and be, anything I want' with 
young men going into helping professions and music, and young women going 
into science and body building, without feeling they have to justify, or explain, 
their choices. There is progress in the sense of entitlement they feel." 
At the "Mothers and Sons" conference, there was much discussion not 
only about howwe thought we had influenced our sons, but also how they had 
shaped us. One woman told how her son admonished her for being a "wimp" 
when it came to standing up for herself at home instead ofwanting to always 
be the peacemaker. 
Ihave no troublestanding up for myselfat work andin the community, but 
on the home-fint, it seems to be a dzferent story and my son was the one 
who had t o  point that out t o  me. Isuspect a lot of womenjnd themselves 
in that position because of our socialization, but f w e  want our sons to 
respect us asfeminists, andregardwomen as equals, then we have to change 
that behaviour. 
If our daughters feel entitled to do, and be, whatever they want, do our 
sons see this as the girls "catching up" to the male advantage which they have 
always had? I wonder about thiswith my own sons. Theyjust don't seem to "get" 
feminism. They question the need for conferences called "The Power of 
Women" or symposiums for "Today's Female Entrepreneurs" which I have 
attended in the past year. 
When I try to explain (going into my "feminist tyrant" mode-Eric once 
102 1 Volume 2, Number 1 
Feminist Moms and Sons 
said that, I think meaning "tirade"), that men already have power, and have a 
long established role as entrepreneurs, it does not ring true for them, because 
that is not their experience. They see that getting established in business should 
be the same for men and women, and if there are difficulties, they should each 
get equal help. "Things like jobs and training should go to the best qualified 
person, and if there is a problem getting that training, then you go back to the 
schools, and fu that, rather than just hiring awoman because you are 'supposed' 
to," Jeremy says. 
So the challenge remains to explain patriarchy to our sons, where it is not 
recognizable to them, but also to ourselves. Have enough battles on the feminist 
front been won that patriarchy is not as dominant as it once was? 
For many years, women who declared themselves feminists often left out 
"mother" in their self-definitions, perhaps fearing rejection from other femi- 
nists. That is changing, which is good for our daughters, but moreso for our 
sons. If they know that "feminist mother" is not a contradiction in terms, that 
will bode well for their future relationships with women and with their sons and 
daughters. 
An edited version of this articlefirst appeared in Herizons, Summer 1999 issue. 
References 
Cook, Sharon and Juanita Epp. 1998. "The Male Advantage." Paper presented 
at the conference on "Mothers and Sons Today: Challenges and Possibili- 
ties." York University, Toronto, September 1998. 
Cottin Pogrebin, Letty. 1981. Growing Up Free. New York: Bantam. 
Cottin Pogrebin, Letty. 1985. Family Politics. New York: Bantam. 
Jackson, Marni. 1992. The Mother Zone. Toronto: Macfarland, Walter and 
Ross. 
Pollack, William. 1998. RealBoys. New York: Henry Holt and Company. 
Rich, Adrienne. 1976. Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institu- 
tion. New York: Bantam Books, W.  W.  Norton and Co. 
Journal oftbe Association for Research on Mothering 1 103 


Feminist Moms and Sons: Making a Difference

Dunlop, Rishma

Rishma Dunlop 
Stories From Boundary Bay 
The road winds 
a black ribbon 
through the sky, 
herons and cranes gracing 
fields of grasses, 
hawks on fenceposts 
as I return to Boundary Bay 
to the open arms of the sea 
to the smell of kelp and ocean mists. 
I arrive home 
weighed down 
with briefcase and groceries 
stacks of term papers 
to grade. 
My students write about Romeo and Juliet 
blur distinctions between text and film 
Clare Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio 
new heroes 
to make their hormones surge 
Shakespeare has never been so sexy 
proclaim the slogans on posters 
homage plastered on walls of 
teenage girls' rooms 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 101 
The Boundary Bay girls, 
my daughter Rachel 
KaseyBrookeSaraHaley their names inseparable 
multisyllabic, all for one 
the phone rings incessantly 
they are playing 
in the front yard 
petals strewn across the pathway 
Haley in a veil of white sheeting 
another the groom, the taller one 
enactments of the marriage script 
sometimes they do funerals 
Daughters of feminists 
spend hours 
in front of mirrors 
agonize about hair and nails 
they pore collectively 
over Teen and Seventeen magazines 
wearing Tommy Girl and fragrances from The Gap: 
Grass, Earth, Dream, Heaven 
Letter from Colleen 
her mother died of cancer. 
Years ago 
LorieColleenDebbie and I 
spent summers reading Seventeen magazines 
on hot days by the 
Beaconsfield Swimming Pool 
I see Colleen's mother finishing 
the pale yellow hem 
of her daughter's prom dress, 
pins in her mouth 
tenderly, tenderly 
touches the corsage on her wrist 
Today in Boundary Bay 
the young girls gather 
fluttering moths 
to watch Brooke's older sister Nadine 
102 1 Volume 2, Number 2 
Storiesfrom Boundary Bay 
prepare for the graduation dance 
She is beautiful, glowing sleek 
a slip of a dress-deep violet 
hair upswept 
the breathless waiting 
for a young boy to pick her up 
corsage her 
time stands still 
in the amber air of summer 
such a bathing of expectancy 
luminous promise 
with its burden of radiance 
and all around us 
marriages fail 
middle aged men leave their wives 
for younger women 
middle aged wives take lovers 
or find basement apartments 
Haley i mom left her second husband while he was outjishing, Rachel tells me 
in the unrest of passion, the disordered lyrics of love 
paralysis and fear threaten to choke 
the neighbourhood houses 
at night the sounds of the sea, the tidal winds 
mingle with the mooing of cows in farmers fields, 
raccoons scavenging, stealing goldfish in backyard ponds, 
coyotes howling in the woods 
and in our gardens 
pampas grasses whisper 
stories trapped in women's mouths 
we lift each other up 
when our knees buckle 
underneath us 
our children's needs 
relentless magnets 
anchoring us to the earth 
I sit by the window 
watching the night sky 
the mother writing poems of girls 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 103 
Rishma Dunlop 
the art on white sheets like love 
this one will be strong and fierce 
this one will be tender and she will sing 
shaping angels, prophets for the world 
such terrifying beauty 
in the gaps between my words 
my daughters and their girlfriends slip 
trying out to be cheerleaders 
painting their fingernails blue and green 
dreaming of bouquets from lovers 
romancing the script. 
104 1 Volume 2, Number 2 


Stories from Boundary Bay

Editorial Masthead

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering 
Spring/Summer 2000, Vol 2, No 1, 224 pages

Castle, Joyce B.

emerging field of social workwhich conflicted with those that the organization 
previously advocated. 
The NCFM was ahead of its time in advocating that men as well as women 
be held accountable for their sexual behavior, that unwed mothers should be 
encouraged to keep their children, and that their lives should not be irrevocably 
damaged when they chose to do so. For example, it assisted its clients in taking 
fathers to court to obtain child support. It also providedjob training and daycare 
for unmarried mothers so that they could adequately provide for their children 
and themselves and not become a burden on society. 
Katherine G. Aiken's bookshows how one organization contributed to the 
feminist agenda of decreasing women's oppression. It  is an excellent example 
of the positive changes that are possible through awareness and acceptance of 
the common denominators among people. I found this book to be very 
readable. I recommend it as a positive model for women's shelters as well as 
individuals seeking to end women's oppression. 
Women, Families and Feminist Politics: 
A Global Exploration 
Kate Conway-Turner and Suzanne Cherrin 
New York: Harrington Park Press, 1998. 
Reviewed by Joyce B. Castle 
At a time of increasing attention to the role and place ofwomen in society and 
ofongoing debates on what it means to be a feminist, a book that deals with the 
reality of women's lives from a global perspective is welcome indeed. I was 
anxious to read this text precisely because of its international scope-here was 
a text promising to address the most important aspects ofwomen's lives around 
the world. 
The introductory chapter proved to be excellent reading. I t  presents the 
organization and conceptual frameworkof the text, and clarifies the perspective 
of the authors. Conway-Turner and Cherrin claim to be promoting cultural 
relativism, "the recognition that one culture cannot be arbitrarily judged by the 
standards ofanother" (4). They suggest that the major contemporary categories 
of feminism-liberal feminism, socialist feminism, and Marxist feminism- 
fail to l l l y  illuminate the diversity among women worldwide and they caution 
Western feminists to temper their enthusiasm to liberate women around the 
world and to avoid Western constructions of women by race, ethnicity, and 
socioeconomic status. 
The six chapters beyond the introduction deliver the larger message of the 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 195 
Book Reviews 
book, that: "women's lives are orchestrated within the confines of family, 
community, and societal structures" all of which "are part of, and connect to, 
the larger culture and the world community" (1 1). 
Family structures are the focus of the first two chapters. Chapter 1 deals 
with traditional meanings of marriage within various societies and the ways in 
which these subsequently affect women's treatment in the family. Chapter 2 
explores diverse structures beyond the monogamous, heterosexual family 
formation and the different place of women in alternative family formats 
around the world. The remaining four chapters cover what Conway-Turner 
and Cherrin identify as the other global concerns ofwomen-reproduction and 
sexual standards, women's work, health care, and violence. The primary data 
and the case studies included in all the chapters add reality to the discussions 
and bring women's voices to the forefront. Taken together, the chapters point 
out that while women's issues are similar worldwide, theyl'varyenough to make 
comparisons informative and useful for a feminist future" (209). 
I found the strength of the book to lie in its organization and comprehen- 
sive coverage of the key concerns presented. I also found the book sufficiently 
scholarly to warrant its use in university courses on women's issues. Yet from 
my position as a professor of education, I was struck by the paucity of attention 
to the topic of education for women. Beyond a few pages in the chapter on 
women and work, issues of women's education around the world received 
minimal attention. I also found the concluding chapter somewhat disappoint- 
ing; it was too brief, it contained too many over-generalized platitudes, and it 
failed to celebrate some of the wonderful progress that has been made by 
women around the world. These reservations aside, I did enjoy this book and 
I did learn a good deal. I recommend it to anyone interested in women and the 
future of women worldwide. 
An Unconventional Family 
Sandra Lipsitz Bem 
Hartford/London: Yale University Press, 1998 
Reviewed by Rachel Josefowitz Siegel 
This short memoir (209 pages) is fascinating, deeply moving, and thought 
provoking. We are drawn into the 30-year history of a remarkably creative 
marriage and family. 
Sandra Lipsitz Bem is a professor of Psychology and former Chair of 
196 1 Volume 2, Number l 


Women, Families and Feminist Politics: A Global Exploration

Siegel, Rachel Josefowitz

Book Reviews 
book, that: "women's lives are orchestrated within the confines of family, 
community, and societal structures" all of which "are part of, and connect to, 
the larger culture and the world community" (1 1). 
Family structures are the focus of the first two chapters. Chapter 1 deals 
with traditional meanings of marriage within various societies and the ways in 
which these subsequently affect women's treatment in the family. Chapter 2 
explores diverse structures beyond the monogamous, heterosexual family 
formation and the different place of women in alternative family formats 
around the world. The remaining four chapters cover what Conway-Turner 
and Cherrin identify as the other global concerns ofwomen-reproduction and 
sexual standards, women's work, health care, and violence. The primary data 
and the case studies included in all the chapters add reality to the discussions 
and bring women's voices to the forefront. Taken together, the chapters point 
out that while women's issues are similar worldwide, theyl'varyenough to make 
comparisons informative and useful for a feminist future" (209). 
I found the strength of the book to lie in its organization and comprehen- 
sive coverage of the key concerns presented. I also found the book sufficiently 
scholarly to warrant its use in university courses on women's issues. Yet from 
my position as a professor of education, I was struck by the paucity of attention 
to the topic of education for women. Beyond a few pages in the chapter on 
women and work, issues of women's education around the world received 
minimal attention. I also found the concluding chapter somewhat disappoint- 
ing; it was too brief, it contained too many over-generalized platitudes, and it 
failed to celebrate some of the wonderful progress that has been made by 
women around the world. These reservations aside, I did enjoy this book and 
I did learn a good deal. I recommend it to anyone interested in women and the 
future of women worldwide. 
An Unconventional Family 
Sandra Lipsitz Bem 
Hartford/London: Yale University Press, 1998 
Reviewed by Rachel Josefowitz Siegel 
This short memoir (209 pages) is fascinating, deeply moving, and thought 
provoking. We are drawn into the 30-year history of a remarkably creative 
marriage and family. 
Sandra Lipsitz Bem is a professor of Psychology and former Chair of 
196 1 Volume 2, Number l 
Book Reviews 
Women's Studies at CorneU University. She is known among psychologists, 
feminists, and gender scholars for her groundbreaking early work on psycho- 
logical androgyny. Her Bem Sex Role Inventory, BSIR (1971), is still widely 
used. Her essays on non-sexist, egalitarian child rearing are frequently cited. 
The recipient of prestigious awards, she ranks among the earliest and most 
important leaders in and shapers of the field of Gender Studies. These 
impressive credentials do not prepare the reader for the impact of her personal 
story. 
An UnconventionalFamily follows the publication of her previous book The 
Lenses of Gender (1993). In the prologue she states: "If The Lenses of  Gender is 
the statement of my theory, An UnconventionalFamily is the statement of my 
practice. More specifically, it is an autobiographical account of an attempt by 
a woman and a man to function as truly egalitarian partners and also to raise 
children in accordance with gender-liberated, antihomophobic, and sex- 
positive feminist ideals." 
Sandra Lipsitz married Daryl Bem in 1965. During their courtship, and 
with amazing clarity of thought and intentionality, this young couple devel- 
oped the egalitarian concepts and feminist ideals that they lived by from then 
on. Pioneers in the early women's movement, they lectured to large popular 
audiences, teaching other couples how to implement these ideas. 
Dr. Bem writes about applying her ideology to child-rearing. The text is 
sprinkled with humorous anecdotes that convey day-to-day details and the 
dilemmas in teaching her children Emily and Jeremy to live by standards that 
set them apart from the mainstream, without causing them to feel isolated or 
to lose self-esteem. In the process she also taught them to know and understand 
the value of differences. Dr. Bem's "vision of utopia has always been . . . 
genderless." She taught her children to defy gender norms, to think of same- 
sex relationships as no more or less normal than relationships with the opposite 
sex, and to feel positive about their sexuality. Her motto was to "retard their 
gender education while advancing their sex education." I recommend that you 
read her book to find out what she meant and how she did it. 
The chapter on her unorthodox career before she arrived at Cornell is heart 
wrenching. We read about the sexist practices that confronted her, when 
academic gender discrimination was not yet recognized as sexual harassment. 
Sandra reports that she and Daryl Bem separated about four years ago. 
Since then they have both had same-sex partners; their children are now in their 
20s. They all continue to be deeply involved with one another and consider 
themselves family. In the final section Jeremy, Emily, and Daryl speak for 
themselves in assessing the family "experiment" without minimizing the 
difficulties and minor imperfections. According to their own account this 
unconventional family sees itselfsuccessful in meeting its goals and in nurturing 
individual development. Their story challenges many conventional assump- 
tions. 
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Women, Families and Feminist Politics: A Global Exploration

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