Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Thacker, Julie

Book Reviews 
Harnessing the Power of Motherhood: 
The National Florence Crittenton Mission, 
1883-1 925 
Katherine G. Aiken 
Knoxville: The University of Tennessee Press, 1998. 
Reviewed by Julie Thacker 
Katherine G. Aiken's, Harnessing The Power of Motherhood The National 
Florence Crittention Mission, 1883-1925, presents the history of the National 
Florence Crittention Mission (NCFM). This organization provided services for 
women and children in 73 American cities. I t  also attempted to change the 
public policy that created the need for these services. The history of the NCFM 
is an excellent example of identifying the aporia in society's beliefs and using 
that space to negotiate change. I t  provides unique insights for activists seeking 
to negotiate social transformation. I t  also models successW social programs for 
those individuals working as direct care providers to alleviate the oppression of 
women. 
Katherine G. Aiken provides a balanced critique of the NCFM's activities. 
She shows how this organization identified motherhood as a common experi- 
ence between different classes of women and used this knowledge to initiate 
progressive reform and persuade society to support its workof rescuing mothers 
in need or "unfortunate women." Her work also shows how some women used 
the organization's resources to meet their own agendas while bypassing those 
of the organization. 
While emphasizing the positive contributions of the NCFM in helping 
women to adapt to their circumstances, Katherine G Aiken also documents the 
organization's internal problems. She shows how the common bond of moth- 
erhood was not always sufficient to allow volunteers to bridge class differences 
and develop rapport with their clients. Finally, she shows the tensions that 
occurred when the NCFM hired women trained in the philosophies of the newly 
194 1 Volume 2, Number 1 
emerging field of social workwhich conflicted with those that the organization 
previously advocated. 
The NCFM was ahead of its time in advocating that men as well as women 
be held accountable for their sexual behavior, that unwed mothers should be 
encouraged to keep their children, and that their lives should not be irrevocably 
damaged when they chose to do so. For example, it assisted its clients in taking 
fathers to court to obtain child support. It also providedjob training and daycare 
for unmarried mothers so that they could adequately provide for their children 
and themselves and not become a burden on society. 
Katherine G. Aiken's bookshows how one organization contributed to the 
feminist agenda of decreasing women's oppression. It  is an excellent example 
of the positive changes that are possible through awareness and acceptance of 
the common denominators among people. I found this book to be very 
readable. I recommend it as a positive model for women's shelters as well as 
individuals seeking to end women's oppression. 
Women, Families and Feminist Politics: 
A Global Exploration 
Kate Conway-Turner and Suzanne Cherrin 
New York: Harrington Park Press, 1998. 
Reviewed by Joyce B. Castle 
At a time of increasing attention to the role and place ofwomen in society and 
ofongoing debates on what it means to be a feminist, a book that deals with the 
reality of women's lives from a global perspective is welcome indeed. I was 
anxious to read this text precisely because of its international scope-here was 
a text promising to address the most important aspects ofwomen's lives around 
the world. 
The introductory chapter proved to be excellent reading. I t  presents the 
organization and conceptual frameworkof the text, and clarifies the perspective 
of the authors. Conway-Turner and Cherrin claim to be promoting cultural 
relativism, "the recognition that one culture cannot be arbitrarily judged by the 
standards ofanother" (4). They suggest that the major contemporary categories 
of feminism-liberal feminism, socialist feminism, and Marxist feminism- 
fail to l l l y  illuminate the diversity among women worldwide and they caution 
Western feminists to temper their enthusiasm to liberate women around the 
world and to avoid Western constructions of women by race, ethnicity, and 
socioeconomic status. 
The six chapters beyond the introduction deliver the larger message of the 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 195 


English

Harnessing the Power of Motherhood: The National Florence Crittenton Mission, 1883-1925

Editorial Masthead

Ampadu, Lena

Motherhood- A Joy? The Status of Mothers of African Descent in the Literature and Lore of Africa and the African Diaspora

Kahn, Robbie Pfeufer

Robbie Pfeufer Kahn 
Family Strut 
Maybe because I'm often here alone, families on vacation seem to me displays 
of power. For the moment I have my own. A striking couple in their 
midtwenties, my son Levin and his fiance Simone attract peoples' regard while 
I go unnoticed, having passed into the invisible realm. My feminist side finds 
the change not entirelyunwelcome after decades ofunwanted gazes. Like other 
families we order slithery shiny oysters on the half-shell at Larsen's fish market 
in Menemsha, and sit on the picnic bench outside to eat them. On the wharf 
where Levin once stood as a child, young boys drop weighted fish lines from 
armatures of wood, hoping to catch squid. I watch them, remembering the 
beginning time as a single mother, that pared down feeling I had as he and I 
stood on the damp gray wharfwhere more abundant families also gathered for 
early night squid fishing. 
This evening Levin's dad, Eric, joins us for Levin's Bastille Day birthday, 
and now I even have what appears to be a husband by my side. Like a family of 
hunter gatherers-a heritage contemporary witch Starhawk claims accounts 
for modern-day consumer browsing-we wander the streets of Oak Bluffs. 
Unlike hunter gatherers, in this warm summer evening our browsing seems 
dazed and aimless, kind of daffy, salt-water taffy daffy. Not even walking in a 
straight line up and down the streets, we look idly in clothes shops, go into the 
fudge store eyeing with a mixture of desire and revulsion huge irregular 
congealed chunks cut from the recently created lava flow offudge-strawberry, 
pistachio, chocolate and vanilla. I engage in these pursuits though I have no 
money for clothes nor can I eat fudge or the earlier raw oysters. I chit-chatwith 
Levin's father about the aging process. We agree that the impulse to reproduce 
drives human behavior and are glad to be free ofit, though I note to myselfthat 
he recently had a child with his second wife. W e  almost walk arm in arm. 
152 1 Volume 2, Number l 
At Oak Bluffs' "Flying Horses," the oldest carousel in the country, the 
newly restored horses, nostrils flaring, glass eyes gleaming with readiness to 
plunge forward to the music, draw my attention. But no one shares my 
interest to sit astride a gaily painted horse and feel the soft salt air blow against 
my face as the carousel slowly turns to tinny music. Twenty years ago Eric 
photographed Levin and me astride the original, hundred-year old unrenovated 
horses, their once-thick manes thin, coats chipped, glass eyes clouded with 
scratches. We each are wearing Flying Horses T shirts, green as new leaves. 
In a blur of motion Levin, then five, looks back at me, his fresh, bare arm 
extended as if touch worked the way eyes do. My then long hair streaming, 
I reciprocate his effort and belief, though my gray horse races ever behind his 
white one. 
Now, I allow Levin's tall form to herd me good naturedly into the video 
corridor, a space so narrow that I begin to breathe more shallowly than usual. 
"It's okay, mom," Levin says in a kindly manner looking at me with his gray- 
green eyes. His expression-as if no debris obstructed those sea-colored 
depths, allowing a clear regard of the present moment-draws me out of 
myself. I am used to him being aware of my moods even without knowing their 
source, in this case my fear from childhood ofbeing shut in. "Nothing bad will 
happen," he adds, putting his large hand on my shoulder, the smile folds under 
his eyes signalingwellbeing. Way at the backofthe constricted space is a pinball 
game "Twilight Zone." Delighted I've never played pinballs, Levin encourages 
me as I flip the stumpy lever that propels the ball up the board to make lights 
blink and flash, and unleash popping and beeping sounds. Except for my first 
try, I can't keep my wits and the silver ball rolls down the trough between the 
impotent levers. Eric and Simone, who had been looking at another game, 
rejoin us and we leave the carousel building. 
Eric had come down to the Vineyard on a motorcycle he bought in his late 
forties, a vintage BSA, stylish as a 1950s car. Earlier that day we followed him 
in a car down a bumpy dirt road. A top-heavy shiny black helmet protected his 
head but Birkenstock sandals covered his naked feet showing his graceful 
ankles, while his thin shirt and slacks billowed in the wind. A tall well-made 
man of six foot three just like his son, he nonetheless seemed frail and quaint 
to me on the cycle, dressed so lightly and giving left and right hand turn signals 
with a certain stiffrighteousness as if to say, "These are legitimate signals, even 
if out of date." 
Out again in the crowded streets, I can't help returning in my mind to a 
game, which consisted of shooting lizard aliens, in a video palace we'd visited 
before the carousel. Watching Levin and Simone shoot pistols at the menacing 
figures, I suddenly remembered my very early childhood drawings, full of 
mysterious fleshy v's which could be hearts or swollen labia transgressively 
touched by a grownup. In later drawings, the fleshy v's became pistols. The 
pistols appeared in recurrent images of shooting and dying cowboys, their 
horses weeping over them the way Achilles' immortal horses hung their 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 153 
Robbie Pfeufer Kahn 
beautiful heads so that their manes streamed down, weeping in lamentation 
over the dead~atroclen. w h e n  ~evinoffered that1 tryaround,1 dedined.1 now 
realize that I'd refused to shoot out of a fear that I might really "get into it," as 
the saying goes, and disrupt the image everyone has of me (or I that imagine 
them having) as unsuited to these riotous acts. I wish that I had pushed myself 
to do it, feeling too much like my mother who declines carousels and swings 
because they make her dizzy. I want to be able to shoot like Simone, to be tough 
and sexy at the same time. But I don't ask that we return to the video palace, 
and go on acting old and momish. 
U U 
Eric and1 leave the two young ones, who run into afriend, agreeing to meet 
at a dress shop. When Levin and Simone arrive, Simone tries on a tight beige 
and black floor-length dress Levin picks out for her. Size four at the most. I 
admire her girl-woman body, shiny black hair, soft smooth face. According to 
family lore Simone is twenty-fourth generation to Ghengis Khan and she 
delights in the "parallel" between Khan and Kahn. Though tall and slender, I've 
always felt out of scale. My generation had to stand in "size places" in grammar 
school, and it remains true that our culture expects women to not take up too 
much space. Some commentators associate eating disorders with women's 
attempts to ease their emergence into the public sphere by appearing diminu- 
tive. "I love her taste in clothes," Levin says, leafing through the dress rack, 
which is a taste for the simple in hues ofbeige and black. There I am in my faded 
jeans cutaways and baggy tank top, Birkenstocks and rubber sock around my 
sprained ankle feeling like a fifty-five year old ten year old. Not at home in this 
world of slinky dresses. I finger a baggy white linen jacket, something I could 
imagine trying on without humiliation, and check out the earrings, an item I 
know about. "Do you like hats?" Simone asks trying on a tight-fitting straw hat 
with a little round brim. "I like my green baseball hat," I say which is the only 
hat I wear except for winter ones. 
Since Eric treated us to dinner, I buy ice cream for everyone at Mad 
Martha's. Leaving the store, Levin says unexpectedly, "I think I'm done with 
ice cream. It's like drinking a pint of halfn' half, or cream. I like sorbets now. 
I can get ices in my neighborhood on the upper West Side, mango or coconut." 
Clearly New York, where he recently moved, offers opportunities not available 
in the Cambridge, Massachusetts ofhis childhood or in Burlington, Vermont, 
U 
where I now live. "That sounds great," I say, feeling a part of our life together 
discarded as casually as an unfinished sugar cone. Long ago when Levin was 
little, we ate a two-toned Softie in OakBluffs waiting for the ferry. It  tasted so 
sweet and cool in the heat rising off the sidewalks that we got a second one and 
the woman who served us said, "I never saw people eat ice cream so fast." 
Though I don't eat ice cream myself anymore because of my health, and 
though the evening is warm, I observe Levin withdraw from a communion food 
related to the primordial milk he once took from me, which I so gladly gave. 
Rubbing my bare arms, which were suddenly cold, I wonder whether all the 
dazed browsing families have similar invisible moments of attachment and loss, 
154 ( Volume 2, Number I 
Family Strut 
whether any other person refused to shoot lizard aliens imagining it would 
disrupt the family image ofher. Or did she dare that night to break free, the way 
Levin did ofice cream? In the light of street lamps and shop windows the people 
I see wandering the soft night look simply content, as I'm sure we did, Oak 
Bluffing like anyone else. 
Judy Martin, "Family Lye,'' 1989. Bear's Paw Pattern. Recycledfamily clothing, cotton 
machine-pieced and hand-quilted embroideredjournal on white cotton. 
"My family's names, along with these words, "art, agood mom, fami(y l+,j?agments, a diary, 
joining, connecting, power, moments captured, confusing" are quilted into this piece? sashes 
and borders." -Judy Martin 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 155 


Family Strut

Epp, Juanita Ross

Cook, Sharon

The (Male) Advantage of a Feminist Mother

Thomas, Trudelle

"You’ll Become a Lioness": African-American Women Talk About Mothering

Cockerton, Camilla

Mothering as Motive and Mechanism: Women’s Contributions to a Tswana Diaspora in Colonial South Africa

Garvan, Joan

Book Reviews 
Fearless Girls, Wise Women and Beloved Sisters 
Kathleen Ragan, ed. 
New York: W.W. Norton and CO, 1998 
Reviewed by Joan Garvan 
Fearless Girls is written by anthropologist Kathleen Ragan. She grew tired of 
reading stories to her daughters that only featured male characters and decided 
to embark on her own journey of discovery. Ragan set out to sift through 
folktales from around the world, looking for the stories that featured girls or 
women. After going through over 30,000 stories she found that approximately 
ten per cent of them were just what she was after. Fearless Girls is an anthology 
of some of these stories. 
The book is written for adults and many of the stories would be inappro- 
priate for children. Ragan has drafted a children's picture bookversion of the 
stories for which, to date, she has yet to find a publisher. 
The bookis set out in regions: Europe; North and South America (Native 
Americans and New World Newcomers); Asia; the Pacific; Sub-Saharan 
Africa; North Africa and the Middle East and within the regions the countries 
or peoples of origin are identified. 
In all, there are 103 stories and their subjects, settings, and characters are 
as diverse as their origins. But for me, the fact that in most, if not all, of the 
stories, the protagonist is female is their greatest value. Ragan states in the 
introduction that many girls identify with the protagonist in a story, be it female 
or male. Unfortunately, I am not one of them. I need the protagonist to be 
female. In moving through these stories I found I was running, hiding, 
scheming, flying, and I loved the experience. 
One of my favourite stories is "Davit" from Georgia. This story is about a 
girl who has a sick brother and her family has tried everything but he is getting 
worse. The girl, Svetlana, set out on a journey to "ask the sun, himself, what 
would cure her brother. On her feet, she put a pair of shoes made of stone. 'Until 
these wear out,' she swore, 'I will not give up my journey to the sun."' Along the 
way she meets various animals and people in trouble and says if she finds 
something useful she will also bring that back. Eventually she meets a stag on 
the edge ofa forest with antlers so large that it cannot drink from the water hole. 
She decides to climb the antlers, finds they took her up into the clouds and 
eventually to a house where the sun lives. During her time at the house, she finds 
out what she needs to solve her problems and cure her brother which she then 
takes back with her. The imagery is wonderful and the prospect of climbing 
through the clouds to the house of the sun enthralling. I hope Ragan soon finds 
a publisher for the children's version so I can share these stories with my kids! 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 207 


Fearless Girls, Wise Women, and Beloved Sisters

Gearing, Robin Edward

Campbell, Sandra

Robin Edward Gearing and 
Sandra Campbell 
Deconstructing Mother Guilt 
Single Mothers Can Effectively 
Raise an Emotionally Healthy and 
Well Developed Male Child 
Single mothers raising children on their own can be the result of a family 
breakdown, separation, divorce, or the result of a decision to have a baby 
without a partner. This family structure occurs in lower, middle, and upper class 
socioeconomic backgrounds and the number of children raised by single 
mothers has increased dramatically in recent years (Whitehead, 1993). 
Guilt, shame, and inadequacy-feelings of a single mother 
raising a son 
Feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy may be present particularlywhen 
a single mother is raising a son on her own. Some of their apprehension, fears 
and guilt are fuelled by society's view of single mothers and the problems this 
family constellation causes for the child and society. One societal myth is that 
sons of single mothers will have difficulties developing masculine tendencies 
and normal emotional development with the absence of a significant male. 
Who will teach them to rough house, play sports, and develop female relation- 
ships, if not their father? The common view is of a single mother raising her son 
and struggling to survive financially with few resources remaining for other 
important factors, such as fostering healthy self-esteem, social skills, and 
academic skills. 
In addition, recent articles have blamed the increase in school violence 
partly on broken homes, as single parents may fail to provide the necessary 
controls for their children. They may be exhausted after work and lack the 
strength to set strict guidelines for their children. Separated parents who 
continue to argue and criticize each other in front of the children prolong and 
increase the damage caused by a breakdown in the family. Children will model 
their parent's behaviour in the schoolyardwith peers andin future relationships. 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 47 
Robin Edward Gearing and Sandra CampbeN 
Healthy children need two healthy parents? 
Whether left unspoken in a room with a single parent, fostered by the 
media, preached from a pulpit, reflected in government policy, hidden in 
corporate practices, overtly minimized in public education, steeped in family 
histories, or held in the questioning stares of society, there exists a myth. The 
myth recognizes as an unassailable fact that a single parent is a poor and 
ineffectual substitute to a two-parent household (Pollack, 1998; Eyer, 1996; 
Ahrons, 1994; Goodrich et al, 1988). I t  is worse still if the single parent is a 
female: a mother to whom so many stigmas are directly and indirectly attached. 
Is this myth real, does it have proven substance, reliable research and 
studies to support its claim, is it steeped in countless quantifiable observations? 
Single parenting, specifically single mothers have received an inordinate 
amount of focus and scientific scrutiny. The studies range from the breakdown 
ofthe family, academic performance, family values, poverty, sexual orientation, 
youth crimes, attachment in relationships, drug and alcohol abuse, to teenage 
pregnancy. Diane Eyer, in her book Motherguilt, succinctly summed this 
negative myth as follows: 
Being a single mom is basically immoral and selfish, the reasoning 
goes, since it deprives children of an important paternal role model 
and source of income. Single mothers are seen as engenders of the 
underclass-the juvenile delinquents, drug addicts, andviolent crimi- 
nals who plague the country. (1996: 29) 
The single parent myth has risen steadily since the 1950's with the decline 
of the white picket fence surrounding the suburban home with its dutiful 
working father and nurturing stay at home mother-the North American 
dream. It  is without doubt that the last two generations have seen a sharp rise 
in divorce rates in which one in two American marriages end in divorce, while 
in Canada this statistic hovers around 35-40 percent; as well as an ever 
increasing number of women in the work force. constance Ahrons (1994: 7- 
14) noted that we continue to glorify the "intact family" while stigmatizing 
"broken homes," without recognizing that divorce is now normal. Even the 
language of divorce and separation conveys inadequacy and guilt to the parting 
parents. Words such "broken, dysfunctional, abnormal, split, and parted" 
replace words like "whole, functional, normal, together, and complete." The 
negative judgmental nature ofthese terms are unfairly applied largely to women 
who are, according to the myth, the real gatekeepers of relationships. 
Excluding economic and relational shifts and developing trends in our 
culture and society does a child need two healthy parents to become healthy and 
functional? This question, although well studied, does not contain a simple 
answer. The question latently allies itself with the myth, guilt and negative 
language of the two-parent family. A less loaded query might ask: can a single 
parent raise a healthy and functional child? Altering this question is not an 
48 1 Volume 2, Number l 
Deconstructing Mother Guilt 
argument in semantics or a lesson in political correctness; rather it succinctly 
captures the essence of the question without value or morality. Similarly, the 
following questions are burdenedwith judgmental weight: will a child raised in 
a more affluent family be more healthy and functional; or does a child, whose 
parents can provide better diet and medical attention perform better in school; 
or a child raised by ~aren t s  in an economically advantaged society develop better 
than one raised in a "Third-world" shanty town? Although often contradictory 
in results, methodology, and theoretical approach, studies have revealed that 
there are some advantages to raising a child in a two-parent household. 
However, these narrow advantages are dependent on a multitude of variables 
notably including no emotional, physical, or sexual abuse and a relatively stable, 
open and amicable parental executive. 
No study or research has ever stated that a single parent cannot raise a 
healthy and functional child. Some research indicates that single mothers may 
have the propensity to have less resources and support, which in turn can have 
some adverse affects. However, some recent studies have openly questioned the 
myth that two-parent families are essential in raising a healthy and well 
developed son. Adolescents living with single mothers in these studies received 
more parental support than those in two parent families and the males were no 
more likely to be involved with drugs or alcohol; or be delinquent or a school 
dropout than those living in other family constellations. Yes, there maybe some 
advantages to a two-parent family, but there can also be some disadvantages. 
Furthermore, there can be advantages for a mother or father to raise a child 
without a partner. Shaw (1991) suggested that single parenting often develops 
the parent's independence and ability to handle a variety of situations. In 
addition, children may benefit from increased levels of responsibility in homes 
of single parents. 
Male children need a stable significant male parental figure in 
their lives in order to become healthy and well adjusted 
Family therapists for years have openly asked, encouraged, and at times 
expected that a single mother should find a male figure to help effectively rear 
her male child. Pollack stated, "single mothers say they are almost universally 
counseled to find the boy a male role model, as if a mother cannot possibly raise 
her son alone, as if she will be unable to convey some vital secret about 
masculinity" (92). The stigma of raising a healthy child by a single mother 
seems to resonate significantly if that child is a boy. 
Until recently there was a notable absence of research and scientific 
questioning regarding the ability or inability of a single mother to raise a boy 
to be a healthy andwell-adapted man. In the last ten years, this area is beginning 
to receive some attention in the literature (Pollack, 1998; Russell and Saebel, 
1997; Zinner, 1997; Eyer, 1996; Snider, Smith andMitchell, 1995; Silverstein 
and Rashbaum, 1994; Brocke-Utne, 1991). What remains absent is any 
discriminating evidence that reveals that a single mother is less able or equipped 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 49 
Robin Edward Gearing and Sandra Campbell 
to raise a male. According to Russell and Saebel(1997) little clear evidence has 
been found to mark any discernable difference between differing parent-child 
gender relationships. 
In spite of this lack of supporting scientific evidence there apparently 
continues to exist a socialized beliefthat a developing boy requires a stable male 
role model beyond his single mother. An unfortunate ramification of this 
reified belief is the internalization by females of mother blaming, specifically 
mother-guilt. In literature and in our clinical practices, it has been repeatedly 
revealed that single females often feel greater inadequacy and guilt when raising 
a son. One highly educated single mother recalled crying for days after leaving 
the hospital upon having a male child; lamenting at not having had a daughter 
and filled with the thought, "how can I raise a boy, I don't even know how to 
play baseball." This internalized mother guilt by single mothers may further 
exacerbate this erroneous belief, as studies have revealed that the mother's 
mood influences maternal interactions with their child. In the study by Jouriles 
et al, it has been noted with male children (Joufiles, Murphy, and O'Leary, 
1989). 
Challenging the accepted perceptions of single mothers 
A myth about the deficiencies and difficulties regarding a sons' experience 
when a single mother raises him has fuelled much unnecessary guilt and shame 
in this group. Single mothers need to confront the myths that suggest that they 
provide inadequate care for their children. If they accept the commonly held 
societal beliefs, then feelings of guilt, shame, depression and inadequacy may 
develop. Single mothers can proactively challenge, confront and replace so- 
cietal misconcepts through a variety of methods, both internally unto them- 
selves and externally unto the world. Internally, single mothers can continue to 
develop insight into their personal belief structure and their internal feelings in 
order to sort out the truth andcope with their own potentiallyintense emotions. 
It  is important to be self aware of the need to seek out emotional support, 
guidance, and nurturing when it is necessary and not feel that independence 
and self sufficiency hold greater value than interpersonal connections and 
support. Also, mothers can internally identify their own unique resources and 
strengths that they possess as a mother and an individual. The internal 
measuring stick with which an individual judges or rates the self is not merely 
externally imposed but CO-created from within. As Michael White aptly noted, 
"that which we copy we make new" (White and Epston, 1990). According to 
Winnicott, a child does not need a perfect or society driven ideal archetype 
mother but a "Good Enough Mother" (Winnicott, 1988). Similarly, foremost 
family therapist Virginia Satir echoed this point in recognizing that a parent is 
the best parent they can be at any given moment (Satir etal, 1991). Recognizing 
her strengths and ability to parent is essential for a single mother. Single 
mothers are "walking the walk" and may need to ignore the "talk." 
Externally, many options exist for single mothers to deconstruct the 
50 1 Volume 2, Number l 
Deconstructing Mother Guilt 
outdated myths and replace them with the more appropriate one: that single 
mothers are effective, nurturing and able to raise a child, son or daughter. One 
external avenue is support groups for single mothers; or group therapy may be 
beneficial in instihng hope, normalization and in helping them realize that 
they are not alone and unique in their problems and thoughts. Another path is 
to openly challenge noted misconceptions when they are faced with them in 
society, social institutions, conversation or even humour. Advocacy for single 
parents often can facilitate those without a voice to be heard. Also, modifica- 
tions to the current welfare system and legislation to provide additional 
financial support to single mothers is encouraged. Single mothers can break the 
cycle by challenging the myths with their own children. One technique is to 
instill self-esteem and respect into the children by helping the child to 
understand-a lesson single mothers sometimes forget-that it is who you are 
not what you have or lack. The child's humour, intelligence, understanding, 
playfulness and resourcefulness are much more important than external items 
the family may possess, such as cars, video games, and televisions. 
Conclusions 
There are several publicly held misconceptions accepted as norms con- 
cerning single mothers raising sons which have perpetuated unnecessary and 
harmful shame and guilt on single mothers. Research has not supported the 
many myths that continue to be accepted by our society. I t  is time for single 
mothers to be proactive in challenging and dispelling these misconceptions. T o  
effectively change these stereotypes it is essential for both single mothers and 
others to recognize and become more aware of the internal and external 
components that propitiates these myths. Frequently, this starts byrecognizing 
that generally single mothers are positive and nurturing parents who need not 
accept the values or guilt of others. 
I t  is important to note that this article was not meant to suggest that single 
fathers do not also experience problems nor was it intended to undermine the 
fact that two-parent families are very capable of raising psychologically healthy 
children. Rather, its purpose is to challenge the myths faced by single mothers 
and to acknowledge that single mothers can raise healthy, well-adapted 
children. 
I t  is recommended that issues regarding parenting alone and single 
mothers receive further attention in both research and study and that future 
work in this area continues to deconstruct accepted traditional norms and 
myths about single parenting. 
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Boys." Child Psychiag, and Human Development 10: 144-155. 
Ahrons, C.R. 1994. The GoodDivorce. New York: Harper Collins Publishers. 
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Robin Edward Gearing and Sandra Campbell 
Bearison, D.J. 1979. "Sex-Linked Patterns of Socialization." Sex Roles 5: 11- 
18. 
Brock-Utne, B. 1990. "The Raising of a Peaceful Boy." Educational and 
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Bronstein, P. 1984. "Differences in Mothers' and Fathers' Behaviors Toward 
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Draper, T.W. 1982. "Sons, Mothers, and Externality: Is There a Father 
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Eyer, D. 1995. Mother Guilt. New York: Random House. 
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Genshaft, J. L. 1978. "The Empirical Study of Mother-Son Interactions." 
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Goodrich, T .  J. et al. 1988. Feminist Family Therapy:A Casebook. New York: 
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Journal oftbe Association for Research on Mothering ( 53 


Deconstructing Mother Guilt: Single Mothers Can Effectively Raise an Emotionally Healthy and Well-Developed Male Child

Kruk, Laurie

Laurie Kruk 
the art of thumbsucking 
this bundle of will and wet diaper, searches 
for thumb: blind hand hovering 
over shut eyes and craving rose mouth 
trying out the fit of fingers and lip 
to nest between tongue and still-toothless gum 
already, you are crawling away- 
creating your own mother 
in self-soothing, wet suckles, 
choking back tears and snot-snuffles 
as I watch, watch and cradle-rock 
you closer to dream- 
or the pulsing dark cave 
from which you came, carried 
in all high-waisted, sentimental labelled 
dumb bigness of the breeding female 
little girl, suck in the outside: you mother me 
when you find such comfort, simplicity 
in what is already to hand 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering / 11 7 


the art of thumbsucking