Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Vandenberg-Daves, Jodi

English

Mama Bear as Domestic Micromanager: The Evolution of Cultural Ideas of Motherhood in Berenstain Bears Book Series 1960-2000

Dunlop, Rishma

Rishma Dunlop 
The Education of Girls 
Lector in Fabula 
I am reading in a school of dreams, 
a lost girl in a night's tale, wandering through 
a jardin d'essais, underfoot, the crunch of pale 
green lichen on the forest floor. 
Hyacinth gardens fade into a scene of 
city lights and I am on Vancouver's Hastings Street. 
The pages become stained with east end rot, humanity 
pumping heroin through collapsed veins and 
there on the corner is a woman weeping, the sound of 
her pain palpable in every crack of concrete, 
a prostitute whose knees have been broken by 
a man with a baseball bat. I take her by the hand and 
take her home with me, wash her body and her crushed limbs, 
her sore-covered feet. I try to absorb her fever in my touch, 
lay her down to sleep in my bed. 
In the morning when I wake, she is gone, 
only a cool, clear light shining on the tumbled sheets. 
Tonight, I'll turn the pages of the book again 
my hands inside the spine, reading the places 
where memory doesn't work. 
132 1 Volume S, Number2 
Slow Dancing: Beaconsfield 1973 
There we are in a house like all the others, 
freshly painted trim and gabled windows, brass-numbered 
door and neatly pruned hedges, parents away for the 
weekend and the basement recreation room is overflowing 
with us, sweet sixteens, bodies clutched together in sweat in 
the cigarette smoke and beer, slow dancing to Chicago's Color 
M y  World and Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven. 
My girlfriends and I wear angora sweaters our mothers 
bought for us in the soft pastel shades of infants: fingernail 
pink, baby blue, pale yellow, and cream. We wear drugstore 
scents named for innocence and fruit: Love's Baby Soft, Love's Fresh 
Lemon, or the more sophisticated Eau de Love or Revlon's Charlie. 
For years we have danced in ballet studios, spinning, dreaming our mothers' 
dreams of Sugar Plum Fairies, our rose tight confections, pink slippers twirling 
pas de dew, jetis, pirouetting our taut muscles until our toes bled. But tonight 
we dance in our tight blue Levis, our mothers'voices fading as the shiver of Eric 
Clapton's electric guitar strums our spines, the music claiming us and we spill 
out under the streetlamps, dancing across equators into the earth's light. 
On  the streets of suburbia, this is the beginning of hunger. 
It catches me by surprise, exploding like a kiss. 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 133 
The Education of Girls 
W e  learn to recite the Girl Guide promise: 
Ipromise, on my honour, t o  do my best: 
To do my duty t o  God, the Queen, and my county, 
To he& otherpeople at all times, 
To obey the Guide Law. 
We learn the language of semaphore, how to 
build campfires and lean-tos and latrines. We earn 
badges, pitch tents, learn how to use an axe and chop wood, 
how to tie knots, learn first aid and how to survive in the 
wilderness. We learn to Be Prepared and to Lend a Hand. 
We learn the Guide Law. 
A Guide is obedient. You obey ordersgiven you by those 
in authority, willingly and yuickly. Learn t o  understand that 
orders aregiven for a reason, and must be carried out without yuestion. 
A Guide smiles and sings even under d@culfy. You are 
cheeful and wilhng even when things seem t o  begoing wrong. 
A Guide is pure in thought, word and deed. You look for 
what is beaut fu l and good in eve ything, and t y  to become strong 
enough t o  discard the ugly and unpleasant. 
We become capable girls, soldiers in our uniforms, with our 
companies and patrols and salutes. We learn to build nations and 
at the close of the day, we sing Taps, the soldiers' bugle call to 
extinguish the lights. 
Day is done, gone the sun 
From the hills,pom the lake 
From the sky 
All is well, safely rest 
God is nigh. 
And our mothers kept house, did the laundry and 
the cooking and the ironing, drove us to Brownies 
and Girl Guides, did volunteer work, refinished furniture, 
watched The Edge of Night and Another World 
took antidepressants when their lives did 
not resemble the glamorous adventures of Rachel 
134 1 Volume 5, Number 2 
The Education of Girls 
and Mac Corey, had hysterectomies at 40. 
At the close of every day, they had supper ready when 
their husbands returned from the city, fresh and slick, 
briefcases in hand, polished shoes tapping them home past 
manicured lawns along the asphalt driveways. 
First Lessons: Postcolonial 
Every morning my mother would 
part my hair down the middle, plait 
it into long braids reaching down to 
my waist. I would walk with the other 
neighbourhood kids to the elementary 
school, absent-minded, my face always 
in a book, reading as I walked, dressed like 
the other girls in dark navy tunics, white blouses, 
novitiate-like collars. 
Those days, my knees were always scraped 
and slunned from roller-skating on the concrete 
slopes of Avondale Road, my skate-keys around 
my neck, flying, weightless 
my father continuously swabbing my cuts with 
hydrogen peroxide, scabs peeking out over the 
tops of my white kneesocks, my Oxford shoes. 
In the classroom, we stood at attention 
spines stiffened to the strains of singing 
God Save the Queen to the Union Jack 
recited The Lord's Prayer 
hallowed be thy name, learned lessons 
from a Gideon's bible. 
In geography and history lessons the 
teacher would unroll the giant map of 
the world from the ceiling, use her 
wooden pointer to show us the countries 
of the Empire, the slow spread of a faded 
red stain that marked them, soft burgundy 
like the colour of my father's turbans. 
Ancient history. Crisp whites of cricket 
matches at oficers' clubs. Afternoon tea 
in thepavilion. 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 135 
Decades later I can reconstruct the 
story, move past the pink glow, 
excavate the hollows of history. 
I know now that if that surface was scratched 
the pointer would fly along the contours of 
the parchment world, across the Himalayas, 
through emerald coils of steaming rivers. 
Under my fingernails, the scents of spices 
and teas, the silk phrasings of my mother's 
saris, the stench of imperial legacy, blood 
spilled from swords on proper khaki uniforms 
lanced through the bodies of Sikh soldiers at 
the frontlines of her Majesty's British Army. 
But our teacher never said. Remember this. 
My Mother's Lost Places 
My teachers and the women in the 
neighbourhood would admire the crimson 
blooms on my mother's Kashmiri shawls, 
exotic, intricate embroideries on the finest 
wool the colour of blackest nightfall. 
I know they could never imagine, 
as I have only just begun to imagine, 
my mother's lost places, her girlhood, the 
laughter in summer houses, wild monkeys 
at the hill stations of her youth, peacocks, 
the heady profusions of flowers and fruit, 
jasmine and roses and custard-apples and 
guavas. They could not imagine her with 
braids and proper Catholic uniform at the 
convent school under the stern eyes of nuns 
who taught them all their subjects including 
domestic skills such as the tatting of lace and 
embroidery stitching. They could not taste the 
sweetness of Sanskrit poetry, or the star-flung 
nights of Persian ghazals. 
In Canada, my mother's young life gets frozen into 
the icy winters of my childhood, new stories spun 
136 1 Volume S, Number 2 
The Education of Girls 
in English on skating rinks, tobogganing hills and 
ski slopes. A new wife, a new mother, she reads 
Ladies Home Journal, learns to bake me birthday 
cakes and gingerbread houses, wears Western clothes, 
pedal pushers and sheath dresses and high heels, sews 
me party frocks with sashes bowed in the back. 
Family L i e  
In the 1960s they called it Health Education 
on our report cards. Today they call the subject 
Fami(y L fe. 
At our school, the girls are separated from 
the boys, gathered in the school gymnasium. 
The nurse distributes pamphlets about 
life cycles and Kotex. There is something 
pristine and sanitized about it, the glossy 
brochures with the beautiful fresh-faced 
girl, her blonde hair swept back with pink 
satin ribbon. We  know we will soon become 
her, young women leading Breck girl lives. 
We learn our lessons well, believe we can 
hold on to our well-groomed dreams. 
It takes us years before we realize how many 
things will make us bleed, how easy it is 
for the world to rip us to pieces. 
Romance 
When I am sixteen, my girlfriend Jill and 
I go for a walk along Lake Saint Louis as 
we have done for years. It is June, we have 
graduated from high school and I am still 
flushed with the memory of prom night, 
my pale pink gown, all of us dancing at the 
Hilton, watching the sunrise over Mount Royal 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 137 
leaving the hot clutch of teenage lovers at dawn 
to return to suburban bedrooms. 
We sit on the bench and she tells me, 
weeping, my parents are getting a divorce. 
I weep with her, my memories taking me 
to those girlhood years at their family 
cottage, where Jill and I would swim and 
canoe, listen to the loons at night and whisper 
secrets and how I thought then that her parents 
were the most romantic couple on earth, her 
mom so pretty and her dad so handsome, the 
football coach hero to his sons and the highschool 
boys and they were so beautiful and in love and 
how I wanted to have what they had when I grew up. 
I returned home that day, weeping, 
told my mother the story, that Jill's mom and dad 
were getting a divorce because her dad had been 
having an affair with a young secretary, and her mom 
with four kids and no training for a job would have to 
sell that beautiful house by the lake where they had always lived. 
My mother didn't believe me because it was Beaconsfield and 
nothing ever happened like that in Beaconsfield and no one 
ever spoke of divorce. She told me we were hysterical girls 
with overactive imaginations. 
But she was wrong. And nothing was ever the same again. 
Reading Like a Girl : 1 
How I loved them, the stories about the 
girl detectives, spunky and brave, solving 
crimes with their wits and brains and 
All-American good looks. Long after my 
mother thought I was asleep, late into the 
night, I would read under the covers with 
a flashlight. 
I drove that sportscar with Nancy 
Drew, dated Ned, and looked lovely and charming 
and desirable at college football games. 
138 1 Volume 5, Number 2 
The Education $Girls 
And how I dreamed of being Cherry Ames, student 
nurse, with her stylish cap and uniform, her black 
hair and rosy cheeks, her boyfriends and her adventures. 
And when I grew up, I became them, Nancy and Cherry. 
I cut off my long black braids, styled my hair into a bob. 
I became the girl detective, the nurse, capable of building 
nations and soothing the hearts of men. I became Nancy and 
Cherry, for awhile. 
Reading Like A Girl : 2 
O n  the autumn football fields 
the cheerleaders chant and jump 
their pleated miniskirts flipped into 
the air, flurries of thighs gleaming. 
Anything seems possible, for such 
young bodies, in such a place and 
time. 
I remain reading my books under the 
trees, losing myself in imaginary 
worlds, in the tomes of War and Peace 
and Dr. Zhivago, dreaming of dancing in 
evening gowns and elbow-length gloves. 
Books about revolution excited me, 
seduced me. 
I try to re-imagine the heroines, 
their perpetual tragedies. 
Emma Bovary, Anna Karenina. 
Anna flinging her body into the locomotive 
steam, her red purse on the tracks. I try to read 
them and write them differently, give them 
different endings, new destinies. 
I want them to stay alive, to breathe, to be 
plump with blood and desire, to believe that 
anything is possible. 
Journal oftbe Association for Research on Mothering 1 139 
Rishma Dunlop 
Princess Stories 
When I was young my father called me Princess. 
And princess stories were the ones I loved most, 
especially the one about Sleeping Beauty. Her 
name was sometimes Briar Rose or Aurora. The 
story of the beautiful princess who pricked her 
finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel, falling 
under the spell of the witch who had been shunned 
at her christening. 
The curse of a girlchild's birth. 
She slept along with the kingdom for a hundred years 
until she is rescued by a handsome prince who hacked 
through the dense tangle of thorns and wild rose bushes. 
The curse lifted with love, his kiss on her lips, 
awakening the world. 
When my daughters are young, I read them princess stories 
The Paper Bag Princess, The Princess and the Motorcycle 
tales of strong, independent princesses of wit and courage and 
intellect who do not depend on princes for survival. 
Still, as I watch my girls, young women now, I am filled 
with longing, something that mourns the loss of belief 
that a beloved would hack through forests of thorns to 
sweep a girl off her feet. 
Soja 
In my mother's house the scents of memory live, 
in the French perfumes he gave her, 
Caliche, Jolie Madame, Je Reviens, 
lingerie drawers of lace and fragrant silks, lush bouquets of anniversaries. 
Everywhere, photographs imprint our surfaces, 
lives stilled in sepia and Kodachrome. 
I know the gleam and smell of the polished leather of his shoes, 
buffed every morning before he left for work. 
140 ( Volume 5, Number 2 
The Education of Girls 
I press my face into the crisp white cotton of his shirts, 
brush my cheek against his jackets, his sweaters, 
still warm with the smell of him. 
I touch my teeth to the metal of his watch, his cufflinks. 
I can hear his voice reading fairytales, singing the 
calypso of Harry Belafonte, Punjabi ghazals and lullabies 
Soja Rnjkumari, soja, 
Sleep, princess, sleep 
Soja meethe sapne aayen 
Sleep with sweet dreams 
Soja pyari Rajkumari 
Sleep beloved princess 
In the hush, I am cradled by the sound of him, 
notes love-woven, tangled through the glowing pyre. 
In my mother's house 
my father's ashes are acrid 
in my throat. 
Reading Chekhov 
Reading Chekhov. Stories about love 
the sadness ofhis characters, always meeting each other too late. 
Missed lives, mourning what could have been 
departing forever in railway stations. 
Tears, a lorgnette raised to the eye, ice etched on windows, gaslit winter scenes 
aloveless marriage in a country house in a town like all the others. 
I'll read the story differently. A Chekhov love letter. 
Love me through departures, 
through the faltering valves of your heart, 
the ticking of clocks and moving trains. 
Kiss me in the cleft of each elbow, behind each knee. 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering / 141 
Buddhist's tell us to live our days unattached 
to the dust of the world 
to enter the blackness. 
To  always see ourselves as light. 
Not so easy to do when the hum of the world 
dulls us in its gears. 
I am trying to wear light as a garment 
to find it in the paradise of afterlife under a stone 
in the opened door of a commuter train. 
Departure lounge at the airport. 
Goodbye a salt-water word you avoid 
as if itwould open a wound that would never close. 
Goodbye a word of red waves, fog-horn sobs, sea-wracked, tongue-uttered 
ache 
ember of pain in the wrist, a movement toward the 
corrosive heart. 
Goodbye a word that makes your bones scream a word you dare not breathe. 
I am always naked with you. 
The winds brought me newborn into your arms 
to the one who would hold me through the night. 
I have always known you. 
My harsh blessing. 
Every sweetness has the taste of your skin. 
Each wound has the shape of your mouth. 
Forget me. As I would forget you. For the suffering. 
Remember me. As I would remember you. Claim the way the heart stops 
when you come to me naked and scratched. 
142 1 Volume 5, Number 2 
The Education of Girls 
Climb to my bed bleeding 
on the dark wind of dreams. 
I have waited for you all my life. 
Four decades to find you 
and still and still a story that turns back on itself. 
W e  are afraid, as if gentleness 
has a daggered edge. 
Dance with me beloved. 
I am your wild, sweet girl. 
I would have you as you are, 
aging and heartsick with the world. 
All night, all night you can have this book. 
Turn the pages on your lap, until they become like well-worn linen 
lastwords soft in your hands. 
Meet me there in that story 
afterlife of spine cracked open. 
Journal oftbe Association for Research on Mothering 1 143 


The Education of Girls

Hennessy, Susan S.

Book Reviews 
Supreme Court case in which the United Auto Workers (UAW) challenged 
the constitutionality of Johnson Control's fetal protection policy. Hepler 
emphasizes the difficulties that result from the polarization ofprotective labour 
legislation and equality based policies regarding women in the workplace. 
While the Supreme Court declared fetalprotection policies unconstitutionalin 
UA Wv. Johnson Controls, Inc., (1991), this victory, according to Hepler "must 
be tempered by the realization that the decision did not result in a different 
work environment. Emphasizing equal rights has placed responsibility for 
health on the workers themselves." 
Women in Labor is an excellent resource for courses on women or gender 
studies. The book provides an invaluable history of how gender has dictated 
women's roles at work and at home. Also included are several carefully selected 
illustrations and photographs that portray women in industry. Hepler's schol- 
arship is impressive and her work is well research and documented. 
Born to Procreate: 
Women and Childbirth in France from the 
Middle Ages to the Eighteenth Century 
Graves, Rolande. 
New York: Peter Lang Publishing, 2001. 
Reviewed by Susan S. Hennessy 
In Born to Procreate, Rolande Graves lays out the history of midwifery and the 
development of obstetric medicine from medieval times through to the 
eighteenth century. The book begins with an overview of scientific knowledge 
during the Middle Ages. While medical doctors published numerous treatises 
on the female anatomy, beliefs stemming from superstition and the Church 
continued to override rational explanations for reproduction: "To these theo- 
ries must be added the philosophical debates on the power or influence of God 
and the stars on the sperm at the time of conception" (27). Other common 
beliefs included the notion of menstruation as a necessary purification of the 
body, or that menstruation was a means of shedding an overabundance ofblood 
in the woman's body. Such perceptions continued to pervade the scientific 
realm for centuries to come. 
Graves traces the evolution of obstetrical manuals, including those written 
by sagesfemmes. Ambroise Pare, cited as one of the more influential doctors, 
published manuals that provided extensive information drawn from his own 
experience with parturient women. They also describe and attempt to explain 
common complications of childbirth, stillbirths, and the birth of deformed 
babies. Here, too, superstition underlies the explanation of unusual births: 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering ( 215 
Book Reviews 
"Par6 recommends that women not look at monstrous things during inter- 
course or prior to the 'formation' of the baby.. . . Twisted hands or feet, humps 
or other deformities are the direct result ofthe bad habits ofthe mother.. ." such 
as wearing clothes that are too tight (56). Because knowledge regarding 
reproduction remained largely unchanged from the Middle Ages through to 
the sixteenth century, the treatment of pregnant women often was based on 
misinformation and age-old notions rather than solid scientific fact. 
- 
Chapter three describes the struggle for midwives to improve their skills 
and maintain their role in the delivery of babies. The gradual education and 
regulation ofmidwifery in the 1800s made it possible for midwives to care more 
effectively for women. This section also describes the rampant infection that 
killed many parturient women in hospitals: as many as one woman in fifteen 
died in the best years, one in ten in the worst years. 
In the final chapter, the author describes "Precursors of Modern Obstet- 
rics" whose knowledge seems no greater than that of earlier physicians. 
Illustrations of obstetrical instruments, such as the speculum and forceps, 
underscore the readiness of doctors to intervene in childbirth. Drawings of the 
female anatomy remain rudimentary and flawed. Indeed, it is difficult to 
perceive any progress in obstetric medicine. Born t o  Procreate is useful as an 
introduction to the history of medical practice as it pertains to women in 
France. It provides insight into cultural practices that shaped the medical 
treatment ofwomen, and outlines the evolution ofwomen's role as caregiver of 
women. Unfortunately, excessive typographical errors distract the reader, 
lending an air of amateurism to the book. 
Mothers and Sons: 
Feminism, Masculinity, and the Struggle to 
Raise Our Sons 
O'Reilly, Andrea, ed. 
New York and London: Routledge, 2001. 
Reviewed by Fiona Joy Green 
Over a decade ago, during a rare speaking engagement in Winnipeg, Gloria 
Steinem advised a sold-out audience that "we need to raise our sons more like 
our daughters." While the violence of boys and male youth experienced in the 
Columbine shootings and other such horrific actions had not yet occurred, 
Steinem's analysis was not new to me. Since the birth of my son fourteen years 
ago, I have been raising him with the conscious understanding that the mother- 
son relationship as proscribed by patriarchy is limited, damaging, and danger- 
ous. Sadly, feminist scholarship has continued to focus on mother-daughter 
relationships, almost to the exclusion of mother-son relationships. 
216 / Volume 5, Number 1 


Born to Procreate: Women and Childbirth in France from the Middle Ages to the Eighteenth Century

Hayes, Melissa Hamilton

~ - -  
Book Reviews 
American Family Album: 
28 Contemporary Ethnic Stories 
TuSmith, Bonnie, and Gerald W. Bergevin, eds. 
Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt College Publishers, 2000. 
Reviewed by Melissa Hamilton Hayes 
This concise anthology is an excellent starting point for teachers who are looking 
for a text that will introduce students to multicultural literature. There is a 
tendency in textbooks that focus on multicultural readings to be too prescriptive, 
especially when it comes to a focus on American multiculturalism. Many 
multicultural texts focus first on the writing of early Americans, the Puritan 
consciousness, Native American mythology, the immigrant's story, and slave 
narratives to the Harlem Renaissance, followed by Latino and Asian writing. 
Usually, such texts read multicultural literature in the context of American 
history and politics. 
TuSmith and Bergevin approach multicultural writing about the American 
experience from a different angle, which is not to say that they ignore either 
history or politics. In fact, their book-organized around the concrete, central 
theme of family-raises avariety of issues. The bookis divided into sections that 
explore familial relationships: grandparentlgrandchild, fathedchild, mother/ 
child, siblings, couples, and adoption. In a section entitled "Family Ties," 
TuSmith and Bergevin push the boundaries of multicultural literature by 
addressing the issue of gay marriage and parenting as part of a mixed ethnic 
relationship. This is an often-overlooked aspect of multicultural literature and 
the editors should be commended for incorporating this section in their volume. 
As part of their textual apparatus, TuSmith and Bergevin offer the cultural 
context for each story. They also include authors' biographies and discussion 
questions. In addition to introducing students to multicultural writing, the 
volume aims to help students with writing. Included is an expansive glossary of 
literary terms and prompts for writing about literature. The text also encourages 
writing about personal experience by challenging students to think about their 
lives in a broad cultural context. 
Overall, this is an excellent introductory text for use in college freshman or 
high school courses. TuSmith and Bergevin include some of the most accom- 
plished modern American writers, such as Alice Walker, Tillie Olsen, Leslie 
Marmon Silko, and Sandra Cisneros. Although it could be argued that some of 
these writers have been "overly anthologized," such as Toni Cade Bambara, there 
seems no better story to represent sibling love than "Raymond's Run." In 
contrast, it is refreshing to encounter such writers as Bharati Mukherjee or M. 
Evdina Galang, whose work is well worth reading in this wide context of 
multiethnic literature. 
Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering 1 225 


American Family Album: 28 Contemporary Ethnic Stories

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering
Fall/Winter 2003, Vol 5, No 2, 224 pages

Green, Fiona Joy

Book Reviews 
"Par6 recommends that women not look at monstrous things during inter- 
course or prior to the 'formation' of the baby.. . . Twisted hands or feet, humps 
or other deformities are the direct result ofthe bad habits ofthe mother.. ." such 
as wearing clothes that are too tight (56). Because knowledge regarding 
reproduction remained largely unchanged from the Middle Ages through to 
the sixteenth century, the treatment of pregnant women often was based on 
misinformation and age-old notions rather than solid scientific fact. 
- 
Chapter three describes the struggle for midwives to improve their skills 
and maintain their role in the delivery of babies. The gradual education and 
regulation ofmidwifery in the 1800s made it possible for midwives to care more 
effectively for women. This section also describes the rampant infection that 
killed many parturient women in hospitals: as many as one woman in fifteen 
died in the best years, one in ten in the worst years. 
In the final chapter, the author describes "Precursors of Modern Obstet- 
rics" whose knowledge seems no greater than that of earlier physicians. 
Illustrations of obstetrical instruments, such as the speculum and forceps, 
underscore the readiness of doctors to intervene in childbirth. Drawings of the 
female anatomy remain rudimentary and flawed. Indeed, it is difficult to 
perceive any progress in obstetric medicine. Born t o  Procreate is useful as an 
introduction to the history of medical practice as it pertains to women in 
France. It provides insight into cultural practices that shaped the medical 
treatment ofwomen, and outlines the evolution ofwomen's role as caregiver of 
women. Unfortunately, excessive typographical errors distract the reader, 
lending an air of amateurism to the book. 
Mothers and Sons: 
Feminism, Masculinity, and the Struggle to 
Raise Our Sons 
O'Reilly, Andrea, ed. 
New York and London: Routledge, 2001. 
Reviewed by Fiona Joy Green 
Over a decade ago, during a rare speaking engagement in Winnipeg, Gloria 
Steinem advised a sold-out audience that "we need to raise our sons more like 
our daughters." While the violence of boys and male youth experienced in the 
Columbine shootings and other such horrific actions had not yet occurred, 
Steinem's analysis was not new to me. Since the birth of my son fourteen years 
ago, I have been raising him with the conscious understanding that the mother- 
son relationship as proscribed by patriarchy is limited, damaging, and danger- 
ous. Sadly, feminist scholarship has continued to focus on mother-daughter 
relationships, almost to the exclusion of mother-son relationships. 
216 / Volume 5, Number 1 
Book Reviews 
Thanks to Andrea O'Reilly, who has edited and contributed to Mothers 
and Sons: Feminism, Masculinity, and the Struggle to Raise Our Sons, the dearth 
of scholarship on mother-son relations is being addressed. Based on papers 
presented at the 1998 Conference of the Association for Research on Moth- 
ering (ARM) on "Mothers and Sons: Challenges and Possibilities," this 280- 
page publication introduces readers to a healthy selection of exciting and 
important feminist scholarship on mothers and sons. Eleven chapters are 
grouped into three separate, yet interconnected, sections united by recurring 
topics such as feminism, mothering, masculinity, ethnicity, war, peace, and 
nurturing. One of the greatest achievements of this collection is its attempt to 
balance diverse theoretical approaches and theories with personal narratives 
that explore various elements of mother-son relationships. 
In the first section, "Mothering and Motherhood," authors demonstrate 
how positioning themselves as critics of the master narrative of motherhood 
enables them to challenge the oppressive elements of the institution of 
motherhood and to redefine mothering for themselves and for their sons. Mary 
Kay Blakely describes, with humour and poignancy, some of the ways in which 
she personally has deconstructed the institution of motherhood through her 
need to model truth and authenticity for her son. Claudette Lee and Ethel Hill 
Williams add to this understanding in their critique of the myths and realities 
of mothering from a black feminist perspective. They illuminate the need for 
African-American mothers to instill in their sons an awareness of a racially 
oppressive society and their need to be agents within that society. The 
importance of peacekeeping and peacemaking, first introduced by Jacqueline 
Haessly in her personal narrative of mothering sons with special needs, is 
explored by Linda Rennie Forcey in her reflective discussion of mothering and 
the art of peacebuilding. Andrea O'Reilly's brilliant analysis of three feminist 
approaches to mother-son relationships concludes the section. Drawing on 
recent contributions of Anglo-American and African-American feminist 
theorizing on mothers and sons, O'Reilly explains the shift in feminist 
theorizing about mothering from maternal erasure and disconnection to 
maternal presence, agency, and authority. As motherhood "outlaws," each 
writer substantiates how mothers are able to be autonomous beings as they 
foreground their mother-son relationships. 
The second section, "Men and Masculinities," addresses the complexity of 
the interplay between feminism and mothering that has generally remained on 
the fringe of feminist scholarship. For example, Alison Thomas demonstrates 
how some feminist mothers who attempt to encourage alternative and positive 
manifestations of masculinity often face opposition from various elements of 
the dominant culture (such as the school system, the mass media, their peers, 
and at times the fathers of their sons) and, as a result, must deal with their own 
ambivalence and anxiety. Sharon Abbey explores the influence of feminist 
academic mothers on their sons' masculinity and Jess Wells examines the 
struggles and challenges lesbian mothers face in raising male children. In the 
Journal of tbe Association for Research on Mothering 1 21 7 
Book Reviews 
last chapter, Andrea Doucet investigates the challenges faced by men who cross 
into maternal work when attempting to father in ways that benefit women, 
men, girls, and boys. Each article illustrates the multiple ways in which feminist 
mothers are committed to understanding and challenging the damaging 
aspects of "normative patterns of male socialization and traditional definitions 
of masculinity." 
The final section, "Men and Masculinities and Mothers and Sons: 
Connections and Disconnections," advances discussions introduced in the 
earlier sections and provides practical examples of how mothers are engaged in 
positive relations with their sons. Each ofthe four chapters challenge the widely 
held belief that mothers and sons must be disconnected or detached psycho- 
logically from one another ifboys are to develop successfully into men. Drawing 
on examples from their workshops and clinical work, Cate Dooley and Nikki 
Fedele openly challenge this belief. Through the use of their own alternative 
parenting-in-connection approach, they demonstrate how mother-son rela- 
tionships can be different across childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Janet 
Sayers addresses the damage sons often experience through the loss of early 
attachment to their mothers, reconfirming the need for a parent-in-connection 
approach to mothering sons. In "Mother-Son Relationships in the Shadow of 
War," Amia Lieblich reflects on the mother-son connection/disconnection 
that occurs due to obligatory military service in Israel. Lieblich makes a 
convincing argument for the need and support of those individualist and 
feminist mothers who publicly challenge the status quo by speaking of their 
attachment to and need to be connected to their dead sons who have been lost 
in war. The final chapter is written by the lone son and only male author in the 
book. In a moving tribute to his mother, Douglas Sadao Aoki explores the ways 
in which his subjectivity as a son, brother, father, and husband are connected 
to his motherline. He generously shares with the reader the gift of Japanese 
calligraphy that his mother, June Yuriko Aoki, has given him and his son. In 
so doing, he highlights how his mother's language and traditional writing foster 
his ongoing connection to her, to his paternal and maternal grandmothers, and 
to his maternal great-grandmother. Including the experience and theorizing of 
a son is a fitting end to this fine and much needed collection of essays on 
mothers and sons. 
Like Andrea O'Reilly, I wonder if my relationship with my son is secure 
enough "to weather the patriarchal storm" that continually rages around us. 
Mothers and Sons: Feminism, Masculinity, and the Struggle to Raise Our Sons 
attests to the fact that many feminist mothers have long been raising their sons 
like their daughters, and successfully demonstrates the multiple ways in which 
feminist mothers counter institutional motherhood by ensuring that their 
ongoing connection with their sons (and grandsons) remains in the foreground 
of their lives. It also provides powerful evidence that many other feminist 
mothers are both struggling and succeeding in creating nurturing and mean- 
ingful relationships with their sons-relationships that are resistant to the 
218 1 Volume 5, Number 1 
Book Reviews 
patriarchal boy culture that divides sons (men) from mothers (women). People 
interested in peace studies, family patterns, family relations, gender relations, 
feminism, psychology, sociology, or women's studies will find this book 
invaluable to their research and teaching. Those more interested in the 
struggles of feminist mothers to raise sons in ways that challenge the status quo 
will also find this collection to be priceless. 
My Journey with Jake: 
A Memoir of Parenting and Disability 
Edelson, Miriam. 
Toronto: Between the Lines, 2000. 
Reviewed by Trudelle Thomas 
My Journey with Jake:A Memoir ofparenting and Disability is avivid, thoughtful 
account of author Miriam Edelson's ten-year relationship with her son, Jake. 
At age 34 Edelson is "hard-wired for kids" and is devastated when a doctor 
announces that her five-month-old son, her firstborn, may never learn to speak, 
walk, talk, or even eat on his own. Jake is born in1990with severe abnormality, 
lissencephaly, caused when his brain ceased developing mid-pregnancy. The 
fifteen chapters in this book are an account ofJake's impaired development and 
of Edelson's journey as a mother under extraordinary circumstances. Included 
are several black and white photos of the two of them. 
The first halfofthe booktenderly describes Jake's birth and first year oflife: 
his mysterious symptoms, such as low muscle tone and seizures, his diagnosis, 
the parents' grief process, and their difficult decisions regarding Jake's treat- 
ment. They choose several interventions including early surgery, a feeding tube, 
and residential care. The second half chronicles Edelson's efforts to maintain 
a strong and loving bond with Jake despite living apart, and her becoming a 
vocal advocate for the rights of "medically fragile" children in Canada. Along 
the way, she has a second child (an able-bodied daughter, Emma), lives through 
- 
an unwelcome divorce, moves in and out of her career as a trade union activist, 
and deepens her Jewish roots. 
What Ivalued most about the bookis Edelson's candour. She presents Jake 
as lovable, yet she is frank about the enormous challenges of parenting a child 
with severe medical problems. A fighter by temperament, Edelson at times 
slides into clinical depression; like so many contemporary women, she must 
work hard to find ways to keep her balance, including massage, exercise, 
psychotherapy, and full-spectrum light. I found it easy to identify with 
Edelson. 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering / 21 9 


Mothers and Sons: Feminism, Masculinity and the Struggle to Raise Our Sons

Pflum, Elise

Book Reviews 
Parenting Together: 
Men and Women Sharing the Care of Their 
Children 
Ehrensaft, Dianne. 
Chicago: University of Illinois Press, 1987. 
Reviewed by Elise Pflum 
Although almost 15 years have passed since Parenting Together was first 
published, Dianne Ehrensaft's study remains relevant today. Ehrensaft focuses 
on men andwomen who share parenting. In order to qualify for the sample, the 
husband and wife both needed to identify themselves as a primary caregiver in 
their family. Ehrensaft describes the CO-parents in her study as men and women 
who have been influenced by the idea ofgender egalitarianism promoted by the 
feminist movement in the late '60s and early'70s. The desire to share parenting 
is based upon the assumption that two fully involved parents will offer children 
a view of the world that is as fiee as possible from gender bias. 
The first hurdle experienced by CO-parents upon the birth of a child is the 
fured biological barrier of breast feeding. Ehrensaft explains that fathers often 
experience jealousy since they are unable to participate in the feeding of the 
child. On  the other hand, mothers often feel resentful about having to bear the 
entire burden of feeding. As a result, significant numbers of shared parenting 
families discontinue breast feedingwithin the first three months ofa child's life. 
A key variable in shared parenting is the sense of comradely and mutual 
Journal ofthe Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 201 
Book Reviews 
respect displayed by the CO-parents for each other. Failure of the shared 
parenting experience is most often cited as a result of financial considerations, 
however. This occurs when the couple abandons their practice of shared 
parenting, particularly when one parent (often the male) is able to earn more 
money as the sole breadwinner than ifboth parents work part-time. In addition, 
Ehrensaft found that men in shared parenting households are more likely to 
entertain fantasies about adopting the traditional model ofparenting. Ehrensaft 
discovered that since a woman's desire for shared parenting appears to be the 
prime impetus in adopting this parenting style, failure of CO-parenting often 
results in divorce. 
Interestingly, even in households where shared parenting is successful, 
gender inequalities between the behaviours of mothers and fathers are appar- 
ent. A core difference between men and women's approaches to parenting is the 
issue of engagement. The mothering self of a woman is intermingled with all 
of her parts. This contrasts with fathers for whom parenting is something "to 
be done." As a result, men who seek to balance work, parenting, and time for 
themselves tend to be more successful than women, since it is easier for them 
to do all three compared to women who attempt to be all three. Hence, guilty 
feelings associated with separation from a child are far more common among 
women than men. When a woman leaves her child, she leaves behind an 
integral part of herself. When a man leaves his child he simply stops what he 
is doing-the loss ofthe child's presence does not pose a threat to his core being. 
Children's Interests/Mothers' Rights: 
The Shaping of America's Child Care Policy 
Michel, Sonya. 
New Haven: Yale Univeristy Press 1999. 
Reviewed by Merryl Hammond 
Although dense and dry, Children's InterestdMother's Rights is a meticulous, 
historical account of the child care system (or rather the lack thereof) in the 
United States, from its roots in the colonial era, through the early nineteenth 
century, the Victorian era, the Depression and World War I1 years, through to 
the present. Author Sonya Michel poses a central question: Why has the 
United States failed to develop a comprehensive system of public day care, 
when all the other democratic, market societies (Sweden, France, Japan, 
Australia, and Canada are mentioned briefly) have done so? 
Readers learn about various child care options that working mothers in the 
United States have used over the centuries: "baby farms," boarding institutions 
202 / Volume 5, Number 1 


Parenting Together: Men and Women Sharing the Care of Their Children

Cunningham, Carolyn

Book Reviews 
Creating a Life: 
Professional Women and the 
Quest for Children 
Hewlett, Sylvia Ann. 
New York: Talk Miramax Books, 2002. 
Reviewed by Carolyn Cunningham 
"Baby Scare," "Baby Panic," "Late to the Mommy Track," "The Baby Bust," 
and "The Mother Load  are some of the recent headlines dominating the 
~opular  press since the release in early 2002 of Sylvia Ann Hewlett's Creating 
a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children. Hewlett describes an 
"epidemic" ofwomen who are shocked to find that after pursuing careers rather 
than motherhood, they are childless and miserable. Although the debate of 
"children versus career" has been part of public discourse since women's mass 
entrance into the workplace following advances of second wave feminism, we 
might ask what is different about Hewlett's findings in postmodern America. 
Rapid advances in reproductive technology and a United States humbled by an 
international terrorist attack have caused anxieties about the future, making 
both men and women reevaluate their priorities. But if feminism has taught us 
anything, it has taught us to consider implicit operations of power both in the 
representation of "facts" and in their reception. 
Hewlett set out to write a book about women in the "breakthrough 
generation, our foremothers who were the first to become doctors, lawyers, and 
CEOs. The majority ofwomen Hewlett interviewed were childless. Hewlett's 
probing revealed that these women regretted not having the opportunity to 
become mothers. Alarmed by these findings, she set out on a mission to expose 
the effects of career success on women's lives. Hewlett's findings come from a 
national survey of 1,647 high-achieving (earning $55,000 or more) and high 
achieving non-career (completed a professional or advanced degree but not 
currentlyworhng) women and a subsample ofhigh-achieving men. Her results 
are outlined in a chapter entitled "The Sobering Facts." Forty-two percent of 
women in corporate America were childless at age 40 and this number rose to 
43 percent for African American women. 
Hewlett also found significant differences between the older and younger 
generations of high-achieving women: only 45 percent ofyounger women had 
a child by age 35, while 62 percent of older women had had a child by age 35. 
Given the advances in reproductive technology, most young women assumed 
they could have children well into their 40s. Statistics, however, tell a different 
story. Chapter five, "Infertility: The Empty Promise of High-Tech Reproduc- 
tion," shows the discrepancies between media accounts of reproductive tech- 
nologies and actual success rates. Women over 40 have a three to five percent 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 205 
Book Reviews 
chance of achieving a live birth through IVF and a 50 to 80 percent chance of 
experiencing a miscarriage. 
Based on her findings, Hewlett urges young women to take charge oftheir 
fertility, to focus on finding an appropriate (male) mate in their twenties, and 
to choose a career path that allows for children (academia has one of the worst 
track records for supporting motherhood). Furthermore, Hewlett offers the 
following suggestions: create a national timebank of three-months paid paren- 
tal leave; restructure retirement plans so they do not penalize workers for career 
breaks; offer three years of unpaid, job-protected leave. 
When I first heard the media coverage of Hewlett's findings, I interpreted 
it as more backlash to women's career success. The truth is, however, that it is 
difficult to combine a career and motherhood. Hewlett's book, then, can be 
seen as a call to action rather than a slap in the face. The discrimination that 
mothers face in the workplace affects all women. What is needed, in fact, is a 
workplace that allows all women to participate equally. 
In the end, Hewlett writes that the "truth will set us free." I would argue, 
however, that both Hewlett and her critics have missed an opportunity to 
promote real change. While Hewlett is motivated by a desire for social change, 
she envisions a return to traditional values where women are defined by their 
ability or inability to have children, and heterosexual marriage and nuclear 
families are seen as the "best" environments in which to raise children. There 
are many truths that Hewlett leaves out of her book, including the effects of 
divorce on women's careers and the benefits of alternative parenting and family 
structures. In the end, we must look beyond Hewlett's findings to alternative 
"truths" that could radically alter women's position in the workforce. 
With Humor and Hope: 
Learning from Our Mothers' Depression and 
Alcoholism 
Peets, Christine. 
Victoria: Trafford, 2001. 
Reviewed by Rivka Greenberg 
In Wth HumorandHope: Learningj?om OurMothersJDepression andAZcohoZism, 
Christine Peets addresses two problems that d i c t  women and often are 
shrouded in silence: alcohoVsubstance abuse and depression. Only in the past 
quarter of a century have clinicians and researchers begun to acknowledge 
publicly that alcoholism and substance abuse in women are critical health and 
mental health issues that affect substantial numbers of women. While often 
intertwined, substance abuse and depression need to be diagnosed separately 
and each disease requires treatment specific to women's needs. 
206 1 Volume 5, Number l 


Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children

Norman, Renee

Renee Norman 
Declaration 
I am not a card-carrying placard-wielding 
flag-or-bra-burning 
bubble zone feminist 
I am not radical 
unless you count the time 
I told my daughter's teacher 
she was structuring Grade Six Readers' Theatre 
in a very patriarchal way 
I let my daughters play with Barbies 
(they know the score 
look at me every day) 
make home-made soup 
once offered to do the dishes myself 
when my husband had the flu 
I do not hate men 
even married one 
am very polite when I point out 
the committee conference speakers 
authors editors columnists politicians 
administrators faculty 
are mostly men 
I am white not Anglo-Saxon 
heterosexual married with 3 children 
1 dog 2 cars 6 motorcycles 
a writing-teaching-feminist-mother-scholar 
who sees the differences between men and women 
in who expects who to make the children's lunches 
taking for granted they will get fed 
in who remembers whose peanut butter sandwich 
is spread with jam not honey and 
the color of their cups 
112 1 Volume 5, Number 2 


Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Not a member yet

Mama Bear as Domestic Micromanager: The Evolution of Cultural Ideas of Motherhood in Berenstain Bears Book Series 1960-2000

The Education of Girls

Born to Procreate: Women and Childbirth in France from the Middle Ages to the Eighteenth Century

American Family Album: 28 Contemporary Ethnic Stories

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering Fall/Winter 2003, Vol 5, No 2, 224 pages

Mothers and Sons: Feminism, Masculinity and the Struggle to Raise Our Sons

Parenting Together: Men and Women Sharing the Care of Their Children

Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children

Declaration

The Stepmother in the Grimms' Children's and Household Tales

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