Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Cash, Sherri Goldstein

Book Reviews 
suggests that women must struggle to write with clarity and tenacity of their 
authentic lives. This is why her book is so important. 
Child Custody, Law, and Women's Work 
Susan B. Boyd 
Don Mills, ON: Oxford University Press, 2003 
Reviewed by Sherri Goldstein Cash 
In Child Custody, Law, and Womeni Work, legal scholar Susan B. Boyd traces 
the history of Canadian child custody law, exploding the myth that courts 
favour mothers in custody decisions. Historically held to a higher standard of 
morality than men, and with female nurturing and domestic workundervalued, 
if not invisible, mothers are highly vulnerable to losing custody in cases that go 
to court. Moreover, Boyd argues that the contemporary principle of gender 
neutrality in custody law is detrimental to women because it fails to recognize 
the ways that chidcare work is deeply gendered. She demonstrates that 
dominant notions ofgender as well as class, sexuality, cultural difference, race, 
and disability shape mothers' chances of maintaining custody of their children. 
By extension, Boyd's focus on child custody law illuminates wider issues of 
power, gender, and work in the family, the legal system, and society. 
Drawing on important court cases, legislation, and official reports, Boyd's 
historical account opens in the nineteenth century, when the exclusive paternal 
right to custody began to erode with an argument that young c h i e n  should 
reside with the mother. A major legal shift began in the 1970s with the women's 
movement and a "father's revolution," influences that made gender neutrality 
a principle of custody law. The result has been "joint custody" or "shared 
parenting." In ignoring parents' gender, however, judges have also ignored the 
sexual division of labour in the family before divorce, thereby rendering 
invisible mothers' roles as primary childcare providers, as well as the emotional 
and psychological consequences mothers and children experience when pat- 
terns ofprimary care are significantly altered. Concurrently, the court's attempt 
to maximize children's contact with fathers has resulted in blindness to fathers' 
abuse ofmothers, as well as to allegations ofpaternal child abuse. Overall, Boyd 
contests claims of maternal bias in the courts, demonstrating that fathers who 
petition for custody have done "quite well." 
Yet, there have been some recent "promising signs" for mothers, notably 
the emergence of a presumption that primary caregivers should maintain 
custody "unless proven unfit." While Boyd admits that this presumption is 
problematic, she concludes that currently it is beneficial for mothers and 
children. In advocating this view, Boyd's argument seems to revive the 
210 1 Volume 7, Number 1 
Book Reviews 
historical debate among feminists as to whether women are most benefited by 
gender-blind notions of equality or by policies and programmes that recognize 
gender difference. 
Boyd's workis largely accessible, informative, and convincing. Her discus- 
sion of the ways that class, sexuality, cultural difference, race, and disability, as 
well as gender enter into court decisions is particularly noteworthy, especially 
in the section "How Many Ways Could Mothers Lose Custody?" However, her 
narrative might be fortified in some ways. Specific rather than vague references 
to "fathers' rights groups" would be useful. The argument would also benefit 
from elaboration of the important evidence she cites about the suffering 
mothers and children experience under custody arrangements that constrain 
maternal contact and power. Definitions of basic relevant legal terminology 
would also be helpful. But these minor weaknesses do not diminish the 
important contribution Boyd makes with this book. Scholars, students, femi- 
nists, and others interested in the history and sociology of the family, gender, 
and the law will find Boyd's work crucial reading. 
Journal oftbe Association for Research on Mothering 1 211 


English

Child Custody, Law and Women's Work

White, Marybeth

Book Reviews 
Buddha Mom: 
The Path of Mindful Mothering 
Jacqueline Kramer 
New York: TarchedPutnam, 2003 
Reviewed by Marybeth White 
Jacqueline Kramer's Buddha Mom: The Path ofMindfilMotherin,g explores the 
author's journey into motherhood as a Buddhist practitioner. As a feminist 
mother and doctoral student of Buddhist tradition, I appreciate Jacqueline 
Kramer's insight that motherhood is not an obstacle on the path to enlighten- 
ment; rather, mothering is a path in itself. This proposal flies in the face of 
thousands ofyears of Buddhist practice, which depicts the life of a householder 
and its inherent attachments as the realm of samsara, or rebirth, far from that 
of nirvana, or enlightenment. Doctrinally, there is support for the notion that 
the life of the laity offers opportunities to work toward enlightenment, such as 
the Buddha's founding of four groups of practitioners, including laymen and 
laywomen. Indeed, some recent Buddhist scholarship has focused on the 
spiritual growth potential inherent in relationships (Gross, Nhat Hanh, 
Welwood, for example). Kramer took the five Buddhist lay precepts in 1991 
under the Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. While she remains rooted in 
Buddhist tradition, she adds a new perspective on Buddhist parenting. 
Kramer dedicates her book to her mother, Rose, which sets the stage for 
the discussion that follows. The author does not dwell simply on her own 
experience as a mother, but places her experience within the context of her 
extended family and childhood memories ofbeing mothered. The subtitle, The 
Path ofMindJitlMothering, suggests Kramer's larger project, which is to validate 
the path of mothering as a legitimate form of Buddhist practice. Her book is 
divided into two sections. The shorter of the two, "Setting Foot on the Path," 
describes the author's entry into motherhood. The second section, "The 
Practice on the Path," explores areas of the author's life such as that of a 
householder, becoming ahomemaker, and embracing service. Kramer also 
explores the "karmic patterns" of her personal relationships with family 
members and the importance of balancing self-love with unconditional love. 
This book is not an instruction manual on "how to be a good Buddha 
mom," however. Rather, it dwells on the uniqueness of all relationships and the 
continuous work toward burning off karmic patterns of habitual relations. 
Useful sections ofthe book include the author's personal reflections and candid 
descriptions of her struggles to parent her teenaged daughter. Unfortunately, 
these sections are not in abundance. 
Kramer articulates different Buddhist conceptions of love. The chapter 
"Unconditional Love" deals specifically with these differing forms of love. The 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 203 
Book Reviews 
author explains her understanding of the Buddha's discernment between four 
types of love: rnrtta, or loving-kindness; koruno, or compassion; mud&, or 
sympathetic happiness; and upekkha, or loving with equanimity. These typologies 
of love fall under the rubric of the Greek notion of agape, or affectionate, non- 
sexual love. The Greek notion of eros, or erotic, passionate love is also found in 
Buddhist teachings as a fifth type of love. This section addresses the nuances 
between these ways ofloving and the mental states that can impair one's ability 
to offer each type of love. The author offers personal anecdotes demonstrating 
parenting skills that can kindle rather than stifle relationships with one's 
children. 
The path of mindful parenting is one that Kramer feels parents should 
undertake, as it is the "higher" choice that leads to growth. Her use of 
terminology such as "sacrifice" and "higher choice" promotes her idea of 
mindful parenting as a spiritual journey. She states carefully that the choice to 
stay at home with one's c h i i e n  while they are young is entirely in the hands 
of women. To stay at home, however, is a "choice" for an elite few who can 
depend financially on a spouse. Moreover, when one parent "stays at home," the 
result is uneven childcare arrangements in a two-parent household. Clearly, 
Kramer's book is addressed to women of a traditional mindset. The chapter 
entitled "Mothering," for example, opens with a quote from the Dalai Lama 
that addresses the importance of a child's successful development and that 
child's dependence on a mother's love. Throughout her book, Kramer elevates 
mindful mothering to a spiritual path but she does not offer this path to fathers; 
in fact, the responsibility of fathers in raising their children is not mentioned. 
The aspects of the book that cause this feminist mother concern are found 
in the potentially explosive concepts of "homemaking" and "motherhood," 
which are not unpacked in such a way as to expose their constructed nature. 
Although she advocates self-love, for example, Kramer draws a direct connec- 
tion between mothers and service when she states that "women come to service 
naturally" (113). In addition, Kramer assigns specific roles to mothers and 
fathers during the time of childbirth and early parenting. She requires that 
fathers take a supportive role while mothers develop their capacities as primary 
care providers. Kramer draws implicit generalizations about the roles of 
mothers and fathers and suggests that mothers are able to naturally arrive at the 
"correct" way to nurture by turning their attention inward. Yet, she herself 
acknowledges a lack of "naturalness" when she finds that mothering does not 
come as easily as she had assumed it would. 
From a Buddhist scholarly perspective, the validation of a Buddhist 
householder's life, especially that of a parent who is constantly dealing with 
issues of attachment, Kramer's book provides fresh insight into the possibility 
of enlightenment through the mindful relationship between parent and child. 
From a feminist perspective, however, Kramer's albeit mindful glorification of 
the sacrifice and service of motherhood is cause for concern. 
204 / Volume 7, Number 1 


Buddha Mom: The Path of Mindful Mothering

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering
Fall/Winter 2005, Vol 7, No 2, 220 pages

Sempruch, Justyna

The Sacred Mothers, the Evil Witches and the Politics of Household in Toni Morrison’s Paradise

Peets, Christine

Book Reviews 
As Roth points out, the reproductive costs, both physical and emotional, 
that women pay are enormous. Moreover, women are led to mistrust the 
medical and legal establishments. In fact, there is no direct cost-benefit 
relationship in terms of the cost to a woman and the benefit to her fetus. Roth 
returns to the idea that what women lose in the reproductive equation is gained 
by (male) doctors and lawmakers rather than fetuses. 
Perhaps most intriguing in Making Women Pay is the concept ofwoman's 
citizenship that, Roth argues, is constrained by fetal rights. According to Roth, 
a woman's rights to bodily integrity, employment, due process, and religious 
practice are fundamental issues of citizenship. This book would work well in 
political science and law courses, as well as women's studies courses. 
Crooked Smile: 
One Family's Journey To ward Healing 
Lainie Cohen 
Toronto: ECW Press, 2003 
Reviewed by Christine Peets 
Daniel Cohen was seventeen in August 1993 when he was involved in a car 
accident that left him with a brain injury. This book chronicles the struggle of 
Daniel and his family to deal with his trauma. Daniel's mother, Lainie Cohen, 
startedwriting Crooked Smile five years after her son's accident. It took another 
five years to complete and publish her work. 
Following his accident, Daniel was comatose for weeks and faced seem- 
ingly insurmountable odds. His injury affected his ability to talk, read, and 
move; his basic self-care functions had to be relearned. Health, educational, and 
social work professionals did not give the family much hope. The Cohens were 
told that their son would have to be institutionalized, but they refused to believe 
that Daniel would not improve. They never gave up and were willing to do, as 
Cohen writes, "whatever it takes to help our son." They carried out or 
supervised every aspect of Daniel's physical and mental care, well supported by 
family, friends, and health-care professionals. 
This exhaustive care took its toll on the family, however. The Cohens' 
younger son, Jonathan, started using marijuana. Their daughter, Alyssa, 
suffered joint pain that lefi her in a wheelchair for a time. Whiie the point is 
made that Daniel's trauma involved the whole family, Cohen does not make the 
connection strongly enough between what was going on with Daniel and how 
190 1 Volume 7, Number 2 
Book Reviews 
it affected her other children. The narrative flow is not always smooth, as 
Cohen switches from present to past tense. Is the author telling her story or is 
she trying to have readers relive it with her? 
Throughout the story of Daniel's recovery, we learn about the Cohens: 
who they were and who they are today. Following the accident, "[wle were," 
Cohen writes, "like Humpty Dumpty, who never could be put back together 
again." One of her biggest triumphs comes in a small moment when, after 
having been away from the family for a while, she realizes that she has missed 
Daniel, "not the way he was, but the way he is now." Cohen had finally achieved 
the acceptance that had once eluded her. 
In the end, narrative lapses do not matter because Cohen's story is so 
powerful. The unconditional love, the strength gained from the support of 
family and friends, and the determination shown by and for Daniel comes 
through vividly. This is a healing book, not just for Lainie Cohen and her 
family, but for the reader as well. When Daniel reacquires his full smile, the 
reader learns what is possible when a family never gives up. 
Lainie Cohen is an educator and psychological consultant. At the time of 
her son's accident, she had some background in dealing with individuals with 
special needs but she was forced to learn more than she likely ever wanted to 
know about brain injuries. Her workwill be especially helpful to anyone living 
with or teaching a brain-injured individual. In a further effort to help physicians 
and families deal with the trauma that accompanies brain injury, Cohen has 
gone on to write and speak about her family's journey. Crooked Smile, Cohen's 
first book, serves an important personal and public purpose. 
Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering 1 191 


Crooked Smile: One Family's Journey Toward Healing

Upal, Hinna Mirza

A Celebration of Mothering in the Qur’an

Stuckey, Johanna H.

Ancient Mother Goddesses and Fertility Cults

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering
Spring/Summer 2004, Vol 6, No 1, 240 pages

Park, Shelley M.

Book Reviews 
Reform, Policy Discourse, and the Politics of Research," understand that the 
current situation is based on an ideological framework which poverty advocacy 
fails to meaningfully confront because "researchers expended great effort 
identifying the typical duration of participationn and "focused on work effort 
. . . and poor people's behaviors" "[tlo distinguish myths from realities," they do 
not supply the structural questions they claim are essential to the investigation 
into welfare. 
In the context ofa badlaw such as P R W O M ,  someone needs to announce 
that "the emperor has no clothes." But no one does in Lost Ground. Gwendolyn 
Mink's "Violating Women: Rights Abuses in the Welfare Police State," the 
only article to adopt a consistently angry tone, comes closest to scrutinizing the 
state for its harmful doing. Mink attacks the use of welfare to implement 
patriarchal ideology by requiring father-headship of families and punishing 
childbearing outside of marriage. 
In many ways, Mink has the easiest argument to prove. The Act states 
baldly in its purposive sections that "marriage is the foundation of a successful 
society" and "the purpose ofwelfare must be . . . to 'end the dependence ofneedy 
parents on government benefits by promoting . . . marriage', 'prevent and reduce 
. .. out-of-wedlock pregnancies' and 'encourage the formation and maintenance 
of two-parent families"' (98, quoting U.S. Public Law 104-193, Title I). 
Childbearing and the right to raise one's own children are individual human 
rights, not to be attacked on grounds of gender or racial discrimination. They 
are also rights of "national, ethnical, racial or religious groups," the groups 
protected under the Genocide Convention. 
A useful book, Lost Ground contains invaluable information for women 
(especially mothers), minorities, and the poor, and for those who care about 
these citizen groups. Regrettably, however, it does not fulfill its own important 
mandate. 
A Question of David: 
A Disabled Mother's Journey Through Adoption, 
Family and Life 
Denise Sherer Jacobson 
Berkeley: Creative Arts Book Company, 1999 
Reviewed by Shelley M. Park 
In A Question ofDavid, Denise Sherer Jacobson recounts the events and 
emotions surrounding the adoption of her son, David. David is classified as a 
"special needs" baby because of his potential cerebral palsy. Whiie it is never 
clear to the reader whether David has been misdiagnosed (he becomes an active 
210 ( Volume 6, Number 1 
Book Reviews 
toddler apparently suffering little physical disability other than some limb 
stiffness as an infant), this is not of central importance to this memoir. Denise 
and her husband, Neil, do have cerebral palsy. Hence, the central questions 
raised here concern the abilities of disabled adults to raise a child and the 
abilities of their friends, families, colleagues, doctors, caregivers, and passing 
strangers to accept persons with disabilities as capable and loving parents. 
Denise, who occupies the role of primary parental caregiver, suffers self- 
doubt about her maternal abilities. Diapering and dressing an infant is an 
arduous task for Denise that often takes an hour or more- by which time David 
often needs to be rediapered. Sterilizing and filling bottles, as well as other 
maternal rituals, require the daily assistance of au pairs or housekeepers. As an 
adult with a disability, Denise regrets losing the independence she has gained; 
as a writer she regrets losing the privacy needed to continue her work. 
Frequently, Denise also resents the fact that Neil goes to workeach day, leaving 
her to cope with doctor's appointments, unreliable household help, and the 
exhausting-if also gratifying-work of parenting. As Bree Walker Lamprey 
notes in her forward to the book, the emotions, fears, and uncertainties, as 
revealed in A Question ofDavid, are experienced by many women who make 
"the transition from womanhood to motherhood" (ix). However, here they are 
intensified by the special challenges faced by a mother with cerebral palsy. 
Denise is fortunate to have a network of friends and political allies who 
advise, encourage, and assist her throughout the first months and years of 
David's life. This is a story, in part, about the importance of families of choice 
and other social networks when coping with first-time motherhood. Unlike 
other first-time mothers, however, it is a part of Denise7s daily experience to be 
rendered invisible or pitied by those unfamiliar with cerebral palsy. Denise and 
David are frequently treated as little more than "freight" by the drivers of vans 
summoned to transport them to and from medical appointments; when they 
arrive at their appointments, they are often treated as little more than "stiff 
bodies" to be manipulated by physiotherapists. Clearly, the greatest emotional 
toll occurs, however, when confronted by the skepticism of those closest to 
them. The relationship between Denise and her mother-in-law, for example, 
is rendered uneasy by questions surrounding David. 
The memoir ends shortly after the adoption of young David is finalized. 
The "question" of David continues, however. A final chapter portends some of 
the challenges that lie ahead for Denise and Neil. These include an inability to 
keep up with and protect an active toddler and the growing David's discomfort 
with his mother's appearance. These are challenges shared by many mothers as 
their children develop independent skills, interests, and tastes. Again, however, 
the issues are intensified and made more complex for parents with disabilities. 
I confess to having mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, its 
significant attention to the details of everyday life of a mother with a disability 
renders this an important book for those who study motherhood, for those who 
study disability, and especially for those who study the intersections of the two. 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 211 
Book Reviews 
On the other hand, at times its prose is hyperbolic and its narrative slides into 
a politics of victimization. 
Throughout Sherer Jacobson's memoir, frequent tensions arise between 
Denise and her in-laws, Denise and her husband, Denise and her housekeeper. 
A particular strength ofthis workis that it does not gloss over the interpersonal 
struggles engendered by varying perceptions of ability and disability. I wonder, 
however, if the story would not be enriched further by a more multi-faceted 
analysis of the interpersonal struggles described. For example, Denise's ongo- 
ing contest of wills with Challukah, her housekeeper, portray Denise as 
victimized and Challukah as stubborn, careless, and unreliable. Indeed, every 
mother who has relied on another caregiver can identify with the frustration 
Denise experiences when Challukah is late or inattentive. Nevertheless, it is 
important also to recognize that an employee has needs that may be thwarted 
by the employer-employee relationship. Disability renders Denise dependent 
on Challukah; socio-economic class renders Challukah dependent on Denise. 
Similarly, all adult children-especially, perhaps, adult children with disabili- 
ties-will empathize with Denise's frustration at her mother-in-law's faiiure to 
treat her as capable. Yet, the tension between Denise and her mother-in-law 
appears also to be related to their differing relationships to Judaism and the 
Holocaust. A Question ofDavidwould be enriched by greater recognition of the 
complexities ofthese and other human relationships. Sherer Jacobson's memoir 
about the adoption of David raises important questions about our perceptions 
of disability, however, it may be that we cannot adequately answer these 
questions without also raising questions concerning how our perceptions are 
influenced by factors such as gender, class, age, and ethnicity. 
Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife 
Peggy V' incent 
New York: Scribner, 2002 
Reviewed by Michelle Moravec 
With a background in obstetrics nursing, natural childbirth education, and her 
experience administering a birthing centre, Peggy Vincent's decision to be- 
come a licensed midwife with a specialization in home births might have been 
expected. As Baby Catcher: Chronicles $a Modem Midw@ aptly illustrates, 
however, Vincent's experiences as a midwife were anything but the expected. 
Vincent's career neatly encapsulates the scope of the women's health 
movement. As a young nursing student at Duke University, she became 
disillusioned with traditional obstetric practices that gave labouring women no 
control over the experience of childbirth. The occasional pregnant women who 
"thrived on the challenge and the passion" ofbirth and refused to submit to the 
212 1 Volume 6, Number 1 


A Question of David: A Disabled Mother's Journey Through Adoption, Family and Life

Satterfield, Jane

Book Reviews 
DefendingAndy is aworthy study into the human psyche. All the reader can 
do is wish Azevedo well in her search for peace and self-acceptance, and 
continued success in her attempts to help others in similar situations. 
Embalming Mom: Essays in Life 
Janet Burroway 
Iowa City: University of Iowa Press, 2002 
Reviewed by Jane Satterfield 
Embalming Mom: Essays in Life, a recent volume in the Iowa Series in Literary 
Nonfiction, tracks one woman's journey through the personal, aesthetic, and 
historical upheavals of the mid- to late twentieth century life. Beginning with 
the witty, insightfid self-portrait in "I Didn't Know Sylvia Plath," (like others 
of her generation, the writer observed the youthful Plath's ascendence at a 
careful distance, ultimately following in her footsteps to a Mademoiselle 
internship, a Cambridge Fulbright, and beyond), Burroway's experience forms 
a vivid backdrop to her analysis of female passage through pre- to post-feminist 
eras. 
As a teenager, Burroway reports, she possessed two conflicting "visions" of 
herself: artist and self-effacing mother. What she did not understand, however, 
"was that the choice might never be made, that my life could unroll, or lurch, 
or cascade, with the tension between them constant." Whiie each of the sixteen 
essays included in this collection bears the stamp of this knowledge, each 
remains stylistically distinct. The title essay, for example, is an imaginary 
dialogue between the writer and her mother. "Changes," a collage essay, 
explores the effects ofageing on the female mind and body. Whether reflecting 
on the ambiguities of raising a "Soldier Son"; describing the beauty of the 
American landscape; negotiating ideology with daily life; meditating on her 
collection of photographs or tenancy of an English garden, Burroway avoids 
sensation and stereotype while celebrating the rewards and challenges of a life 
lived as writer, lover, wife, mother, and stepmother. 
Essayist Phiip Lopate once observed that the essay's "capacity for process- 
ing doubt is part of what makes it so stimulating and tonic." A narrator who 
resists wearing learning on her sleeve and is open to self-contradiction, 
Burroway's insights are seamlessly interwoven with "trash talk that can take the 
mickey out of its own best brag" ("Trash Talk"), as when her "own presump- 
tions bang me on the forehead crude as a stepped on rake" - a literal reminder 
that "gaining perspective is a process never finishedn ("Of the Beholder"). 
Burroway's essays are stimulating and tonic indeed, making Embalming Morn 
a valuable contribution to the essay tradition. 
184 1 Volume 6, Number 2 


Embalming Mom: Essays in Life

Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

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Child Custody, Law and Women's Work

Buddha Mom: The Path of Mindful Mothering

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering Fall/Winter 2005, Vol 7, No 2, 220 pages

The Sacred Mothers, the Evil Witches and the Politics of Household in Toni Morrison’s Paradise

Crooked Smile: One Family's Journey Toward Healing

A Celebration of Mothering in the Qur’an

Ancient Mother Goddesses and Fertility Cults

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering Spring/Summer 2004, Vol 6, No 1, 240 pages

A Question of David: A Disabled Mother's Journey Through Adoption, Family and Life

Embalming Mom: Essays in Life

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