Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Yao, yaya

yaya Yao 
thanks 
a small pyramid of Sunkist oranges and a sharp pear hug 
on a red plastic lotus 
stout stemmed, ~a in ted  gold edges 
a borrowed vase half full of government water and yellow purple 
chrysanthemums 
a styrofoam box of beancurd &wheat gluten 
salt/curry/sweetandsour ~hite/~ellow/red 
lying to the dead chicken abalone pork goose 
three bows, in unison 
sandalwood in six twigs 
we are the 
only living here, we negotiate terrifying details 
under our breaths, only the dead 
to witness the scraping efficiency of our thanks giving 
they look at us with eyes our nerves 
race to interpret 
from the damp depths 
of the inadequacies we were so relieved to find 
names for 
they offer these again, if the nerves might disrupt 
or 
they press their tongues soft into flesh, against 
others 
my mother cries, kneels to be eye level to her father's mother, her father's father 
wipes their lacquered photos with toilet paper damp 
Journal of the Associationfor Research on Mothering 1 145 
yaya Yao 
top to bottom 
their faces 
the name of their hometowns, 
their names, 
the names of their children. 
top to bottom 
with toilet paper wetted with boiled water from a 
plastic coke bottle. 
we are back, she tells them, 
after forty years imagine you here. 
the dust of your bodies sits in vases, in separate concrete cubes 
a low corner of a room tiled ancestors 
this is your rest 
she introduces me to you both 
this is our meeting place 
how do i give thanks 
how many boxes of food 
how many farmed flowers from Colombia 
how many dyed fruit from california 
for the tightness in your muscles built to give me better that i might 
Teach Native English for 250 hong kong dollars an hour that i 
might 
come here to touch your cool stone 
the woman does not know we are here, we hear 
her in the next room clearing away our offerings 
the shush of fruit into bags, the slinking of plate against marble table 
we come to her and she starts, apologises 
we are closing 
the incense is fallen 
as we leave we see the women bring 
the fruit to the elderly 
the vegetarian food to the dogs. clench 
ma's eyes, mine 
ma says, next time just fruit 
why, i ask, you like dogs 
the women are happy 
the dogs are happy 
we laugh, dyed ripe 
rush to come away from 
their easy 
togetherness. 
146 1 Volume 7, Number 2 


English

thanks

Jarvie, Sandra

Book Reviews 
become socially acceptable includes the African American custom of cultural 
bearing, "raising children in accordance with the values, beliefs, and customs of 
traditional African American culture and in particular the values of the funk 
and ancient proprieties. In each of these [maternal] tasks-preservation, 
nurturance, cultural bearing-Morrison is concerned with protecting children 
from the hurts of a racist and, for daughters, sexist culture, and with teaching 
children how to protect themselves so they may be empowered to survive and 
resist the racist and patriarchal culture in which they live and develop a strong 
and authentic identity as a black person" (29). 
Black feminists like myself, who study racial differences between blackand 
white communities and who argue for the political importance ofmothering in 
teaching, are drawn to O'Reilly's thesis that mothering is a potential site of 
empowerment. O'Reilly boldly reconfigures hegemonic western notions of 
motherhood while maintaining dialogues across cultural differences. She 
disrupts the dominant view of motherhood and values the ancient properties of 
blackwomanhood and mothering as a site for social and political emancipation. 
The urgency and relevance of this maternal theoretical approach is articulated 
best by O'Reilly: "Morrison in her rendition of mothering as a political and 
public enterprise, emerges as a social commentator and political theorist who 
radically, through her maternal philosophy, reworks, rethinks and reconfigures 
the concerns and strategies of African American, and in particular black 
women's emancipation in America" (xi). 
Women's Stories of Divorce at Childbirth: 
When the Baby Rocks the Cradle 
Hilary Hoge 
Binghamton: Haworth Clinical Practice Press, 2002 
Reviewed by Sandra Jarvie 
Hilary Hoge has written a comprehensive analysis of divorce at childbirth. Her 
book links clinical case studies, which record the lived experiences of women 
who divorce at childbirth, with a wide variety ofresearch to support her analysis 
of the impact of divorce on couples, both as individuals and as parents. Hoge 
explores the emotional and psychological adjustments to pregnancy and birth 
that contribute to divorce and the ensuing consequences, both short- and long- 
term, for parents and children. In  a concise manner, Hoge bridges research and 
theory with interpretation and insight. 
Hoge divides her book into three parts. Part one explores the causes of 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 185 
Book Reviews 
divorce and focuses on the multiple challenges of pregnancy. The transition to 
parenthood and the transformation ofwomen and men as they either accept or 
reject parenthood is experienced inwardly and outwardly. Hoge shows that a 
crisis can occur when a couple cannot adapt as a family of three, and the result 
is divorce at childbirth. 
Part two explores the effects of divorce at childbirth. Hoge's insight and 
analysis of research on the emotional consequences of divorce are informative. 
The research on attachment theory and trauma versus grief is particularly 
insightful in relationship to divorce. The adverse economic realities for di- 
vorced mothers and their children are stark and distressing. Two chapters in 
this section are devoted to the effects ofdivorce on older children and the effects 
of divorce on infants. Part three concludes by reporting the results of research 
undertaken in support of Hoge's study. Women3 Stories ofDivorce at Childbirth 
will be an invaluable resource for professionals and people who have experi- 
enced divorce. 
Unbecoming Mothers: 
The Social Production of Maternal Absence 
Diana Gustafson, ed. 
New York: Haworth Press, 2005 
Reviewed by Amy Mullin 
Unbecoming Mothers: The Social Production ofMaternalAbsence is an important 
contribution to feminist scholarship on mothering. This collection of essays, 
edited by Diana Gustafson, examines non-residential mothering, specifically 
the mothering experiences and/or practices of women who do not live with 
their children, and who therefore violate powerful assumptions about the place 
of mothers in their children's lives. The title of the book refers simultaneously 
to the process of becoming other than the resident and M y  absorbed mothers 
of western ideology, and to the "unbecoming" nature of this very role. 
This interdisciplinary collection includes contributions written by aca- 
demics from a diverse array of fields (nursing, social work, history, anthropol- 
ogy, and the performing arts). The volume includes essays written by mothers 
who are living apart from their children, interviews, narratives, and, to a lesser 
degree, the voices ofchildrenwho have grown up apart from their mothers. One 
poem is also included. 
The eleven essays share assumptions about the need to analyze the function 
of gender (among other variables) in parenting; the role of social, political, and 
economic forces in shaping the diverse experiences of mothers and children; 
186 / Volume 7, Number 2 


Women's Stories of Divorce at Childbirth: When the Baby Rocks the Cradle

yaya Yao 
turned 
with thanks to Langston Hughes 
in this place where the girl was loved into soft laziness her Ahma's dreams 
are the transluscent shells of deep fried fava beans 
crashing around her feet. 
immigrant nightmares come 
to teeth, at Ahma's throat 
the granddaughter has become them wanting 
a job she's never heard of 
a lover with no standing 
an apartment. 
keep warm and eat more 
are how she loves the flesh the girl is open to it, 
grateful 
whispering yesterday she weaves a fine net of her disappointment. 
the girl is to cast it into Ahma's ambitions, the possibilities of this promise- 
place 
the glistening of this frozen path. 
to struggle so long and far, 
the absurdity of her obstacles now make her laugh, almost 
the granddaughter's desires: space, voice, mannish clothing 
they slice up her sleep 
JournaI ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 147 
yaya Yao 
she confronts them with prayer 
realised in the girl's monthly fever 
is a current of words nothing seems able to press back 
more betrayal 
it is all in english 
even in the unconscious, it is all 
it is simply confirmation 
the girl is a browning fruit, nestled in the humid folds of her weaving 
smooth skin bursts with liquid apology too 
heavy to fly from turning dreams 
in these moments when the girl is lying with the sun out 
Ahma pauses to examine the shades of her turning, browns and yelllows, 
the patterns mold flowers 
to embrace 
her legacy will be jewelled with no stone she honours 
for her fever, she 
feeds the child soup 
feeds herself and in 
ginger heat, they sweat. 
148 1 Volume 7, Number 2 
Photo of Wilhelmina Cullen, circa 1949. From the collection OfK. Krasny. 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 149 


turned

Editorial Masthead

Kriz, Katrin

How Grandmothers Became "Second Moms": Family Policies and Grandmothering in Britain, Germany and Sweden

Major, Laura

Ann Bradstreet: The Religious Poet as Mother

Mullin, Amy

Book Reviews 
divorce and focuses on the multiple challenges of pregnancy. The transition to 
parenthood and the transformation ofwomen and men as they either accept or 
reject parenthood is experienced inwardly and outwardly. Hoge shows that a 
crisis can occur when a couple cannot adapt as a family of three, and the result 
is divorce at childbirth. 
Part two explores the effects of divorce at childbirth. Hoge's insight and 
analysis of research on the emotional consequences of divorce are informative. 
The research on attachment theory and trauma versus grief is particularly 
insightful in relationship to divorce. The adverse economic realities for di- 
vorced mothers and their children are stark and distressing. Two chapters in 
this section are devoted to the effects ofdivorce on older children and the effects 
of divorce on infants. Part three concludes by reporting the results of research 
undertaken in support of Hoge's study. Women3 Stories ofDivorce at Childbirth 
will be an invaluable resource for professionals and people who have experi- 
enced divorce. 
Unbecoming Mothers: 
The Social Production of Maternal Absence 
Diana Gustafson, ed. 
New York: Haworth Press, 2005 
Reviewed by Amy Mullin 
Unbecoming Mothers: The Social Production ofMaternalAbsence is an important 
contribution to feminist scholarship on mothering. This collection of essays, 
edited by Diana Gustafson, examines non-residential mothering, specifically 
the mothering experiences and/or practices of women who do not live with 
their children, and who therefore violate powerful assumptions about the place 
of mothers in their children's lives. The title of the book refers simultaneously 
to the process of becoming other than the resident and M y  absorbed mothers 
of western ideology, and to the "unbecoming" nature of this very role. 
This interdisciplinary collection includes contributions written by aca- 
demics from a diverse array of fields (nursing, social work, history, anthropol- 
ogy, and the performing arts). The volume includes essays written by mothers 
who are living apart from their children, interviews, narratives, and, to a lesser 
degree, the voices ofchildrenwho have grown up apart from their mothers. One 
poem is also included. 
The eleven essays share assumptions about the need to analyze the function 
of gender (among other variables) in parenting; the role of social, political, and 
economic forces in shaping the diverse experiences of mothers and children; 
186 / Volume 7, Number 2 
Book Review5 
and the impact of unrealistic western ideals about "good mothers" on mothers 
and children alike. Taken together, the essays investigate a number of reasons 
why women live apart from their biological children, including health prob- 
lems, the intervention of social agencies, missionary zeal, women's competing 
needs, and difficult life circumstances. Most of the mothers studied are 
contemporarywomen, but two fascinating essays (one on seventeenth-century 
Quaker mothers and another on early twentieth-century Canadian mothers), 
consider two very different contexts in which women live apart from their 
chidren. 
The essays point to the burden placed on both women and their children 
by the expectation that mothers and fathers will have different kinds of 
relationships with their children, and that a child's closest relationship will 
always be with his or her mother. As a result, children who are raised by other 
adults, but who have ongoing contact with their nonresidential mothers, feel 
stigmatized. Even when their mothers have made careful arrangements for 
their care and continue to be in contact with them, a gap exists between their 
experiences and ideals for relationships between mothers and chidren. At the 
same time, mothers often face harsh social sanctions and disapproval from 
acquaintances, as well as horn those closest to them. 
Many of the essays contest the sharp distinction between "good" and "bad 
mothers, which typically operates in the societies studied in this book (Aus- 
tralia, Britain, Canada, and the United States). They gesture toward a balanced 
rethinking ofwhat it means to be a "good mother." Further theorizing about 
non-residential mothering is necessary, and any such work would do well to 
startwith the rich theoretical and experiential material presented in Gustafson's 
collection. 
In Search of Shelter: Subjectivity and Spaces of 
Loss in the Fiction of Paule Constant 
Margot Miller 
Lanham, MD: Lexington Books, 2003 
Reviewed by Marla H. Kohlman 
Margot Miller's avowed purpose in writing I n  Search of Shelter is to "bring 
critical attention in the English-speaking world to the work of Paule Constant, 
an award winning and decidedly disturbing author" (9). Constant's collected 
works, Miller argues, are particularly important to scholars of postcolonial 
studies because they give voice to the complicity and struggle located in 
interpersonal relationships, and in the historical effects of having been either 
Journal of the As~ociationfor Research on Mothering / 187 


Unbecoming Mothers: The Social Production of Maternal Absence

Campbell, Sandra

Book Reviews 
Elizabeth Smart: 
A Fugue Essay on Women and Creativity 
Kim Echlin 
Toronto: Women's Press, 2004 
Reviewed by Sandra Campbell 
In eloquent prose and delightful narrative, Kim Echlin offers a rich and 
multilayered perspective on the extraordinary life of writer Elizabeth Smart 
(1913-1986). Smart's passionate love affair and first pregnancy triggered an 
explosion of her creativity that led to her first novel, By Grand Central Station 
ISat Down and Wept (1945). This groundbreaking work offers a powerfulvoice 
and an aesthetic form that reflects authentic female experience. 
Echlin begins with a question: 'Why has a woman's experience of raising 
children and pursuing a creative life largely been concealed?" From here she 
moves into an exploration of Smart's unwavering commitment to write from 
her uniquely female experience. Echlin draws on interviews with Smart's 
family, friends, and work colleagues, as well as her own experiences as a 
passionate mother and a passionate novelist. (Echlin has published two novels, 
Elephant Winter and Dagmar's Daughter). As she explores Smart's journey to 
live, to love, and to write, Echlin shares her own stories and those of the long 
line of women writers who have struggled to be taken seriously. This rich 
context offers a mirror on women's ongoing creative struggles in a world still 
defined by the values of patriarchy. 
Smart's personal struggle was deeply lonely and heroic. In her early years, 
she dared to step out ofthe conventions of her upper class Ottawa family to join 
bohemian artists in England, France, and Mexico. Yet, even her own artist 
friends were blind to women's potential to be creative, and most were blind to 
Smart's unique struggle to create. Smart's attempts to live a creative life were 
so savagely undermined by fierce betrayals in her relationships with her mother 
and her lover, George Barker, the father of her four children, that she 
determined to raise her children alone and in dire poverty. Still, she struggled 
to write from her lived experience. 
While Smart was able to disregard some conventions that might shackle 
creativity, she was continually silenced by the powerful convention that women 
must put the needs and desires of others before their own. Echlin cites this 
poignant example from one of Smart's poems: 'Why am I so frightened? / T o  
say I'm me /And publicly acknowledge /My  small mastery? / Could I stand up 
and say / Fuck Off! Or, Be My Slave! / T o  be in a very unfeminine / Very 
unloving state / Is the desperate need? Of anyone trying to write." 
Today, many writers/mothers still feel the power of convention to prevent 
their telling of important stories. Echlin's insightful exploration of Smart's life 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering / 209 
Book Reviews 
suggests that women must struggle to write with clarity and tenacity of their 
authentic lives. This is why her book is so important. 
Child Custody, Law, and Women's Work 
Susan B. Boyd 
Don Mills, ON: Oxford University Press, 2003 
Reviewed by Sherri Goldstein Cash 
In Child Custody, Law, and Womeni Work, legal scholar Susan B. Boyd traces 
the history of Canadian child custody law, exploding the myth that courts 
favour mothers in custody decisions. Historically held to a higher standard of 
morality than men, and with female nurturing and domestic workundervalued, 
if not invisible, mothers are highly vulnerable to losing custody in cases that go 
to court. Moreover, Boyd argues that the contemporary principle of gender 
neutrality in custody law is detrimental to women because it fails to recognize 
the ways that chidcare work is deeply gendered. She demonstrates that 
dominant notions ofgender as well as class, sexuality, cultural difference, race, 
and disability shape mothers' chances of maintaining custody of their children. 
By extension, Boyd's focus on child custody law illuminates wider issues of 
power, gender, and work in the family, the legal system, and society. 
Drawing on important court cases, legislation, and official reports, Boyd's 
historical account opens in the nineteenth century, when the exclusive paternal 
right to custody began to erode with an argument that young c h i e n  should 
reside with the mother. A major legal shift began in the 1970s with the women's 
movement and a "father's revolution," influences that made gender neutrality 
a principle of custody law. The result has been "joint custody" or "shared 
parenting." In ignoring parents' gender, however, judges have also ignored the 
sexual division of labour in the family before divorce, thereby rendering 
invisible mothers' roles as primary childcare providers, as well as the emotional 
and psychological consequences mothers and children experience when pat- 
terns ofprimary care are significantly altered. Concurrently, the court's attempt 
to maximize children's contact with fathers has resulted in blindness to fathers' 
abuse ofmothers, as well as to allegations ofpaternal child abuse. Overall, Boyd 
contests claims of maternal bias in the courts, demonstrating that fathers who 
petition for custody have done "quite well." 
Yet, there have been some recent "promising signs" for mothers, notably 
the emergence of a presumption that primary caregivers should maintain 
custody "unless proven unfit." While Boyd admits that this presumption is 
problematic, she concludes that currently it is beneficial for mothers and 
children. In advocating this view, Boyd's argument seems to revive the 
210 1 Volume 7, Number 1 


Elizabeth Smart: A Fugue Essay on Women and Creativity

Forbes, Juliana

Book Reviews 
there was a better division oflabor than Daddy when he has time and Mommy 
all day, all night." Unfortunately, Buchanan quickly drops such pertinent 
subjects in favour ofless interesting topics, such the guilt associatedwith bottle- 
feeding or a mother's embarrassment when her toddler utters an expletive. 
Buchanan's assumption that her audience is driven by media images of 
motherhood smacks of condescension. She should release mothers from false 
assumptions and offer them more ofher occasional nuggets ofmodern wisdom. 
For instance, she does not link her own satisfaction derived from a rare 
afternoon devoted to work to a human being's need to contribute to the world 
by performing valuable work. Although mothering is valuable, society consid- 
ers it economically valueless. Instead of confronting the underlying issue ofthe 
worth of women's work both as mothers and employees, Buchanan concludes 
disappointingly that she is "an idiot" for forgetting that, "for now at least, those 
two things are mutually exclusive." Readers are left to wonder about Buchanan's 
purpose in writing her book. 
Still, Buchanan's style is warm and readers cannot help but be engaged by 
such statements as, "Now, if you moms of teenagers could kindly stop laughing 
at me." Although she concludes that "as a mother I am also constantly 
addressing the question of balance, trying to weigh my own wants and needs 
against my daughter's, trying to balance my interests with hers," her book 
clearly lacks balance. Buchanan concentrates on the mundane choices associ- 
ated with motherhood and society's judgment of those choices. She does not 
show how contemporary mothers balance their needs, feelings, and desires with 
those of other people--including their children. 
Twice Alive: 
A Spiritual Guide to Mothering Through 
Pregnancy and the Child's First Year 
Beth Osnes 
Boulder, CO: Woven Word Press, 2005 
Reviewed by Juliana Forbes 
I must begin by declaring that I am not an unbiased reviewer of Beth Osnes's 
Twice Alive: A Spiritual Guide to Mothering Through Pregnancy and the Child's 
First Year. My children's births and lives are woven inextricably throughout its 
words since I am a near and dear friend of the author. In fact, she and I, with 
two other mother friends, founded Mothers Acting Up, a movement to 
mobilize the vast political strength of mothers to protect the world's children. 
I have been privileged to read Osnes's workin gestation, was a support through 
206 1 Volume 7, Number l 
Book Reviews 
its birth, and now feel like a proud father carrying it out to the world for all to 
see. 
Twice Alive celebrates the majesty of birth and the developing child. 
Chapter by chapter, it travels with the mother through each trimester of 
pregnancy, the sometimes-experienced overdue phase, birth, and the chiid's 
first year. Each chapter begins by describing the particular gifts and challenges 
of each stage, followed by journal entries from the time when Osnes was 
pregnant with her daughter, Melisande, and ends with a suggested "to do" list 
that is both inspirational and practical, and includes designing your own 
birthing celebration, organizing meals to be brought after the birth, and 
forming a mothers' group. This is less a "how to" book than a companion that 
shares with its readers the intimate experience of mothering that is seldom 
talked about but is deeply felt. Not limited to a particular faith, this book roots 
itself in the soul-harvest that is reaped through the process of becoming a 
mother. Discoveries abound ofthe mother-like qualities ofGod andvisa-versa. 
As any mother can testify, new motherhood is extraordinary and, if 
attended to with a listening spirit, can be a time ofgreat spiritual awakening for 
a woman. As Osnes says, a new mother "is in such close proximity to the 
ultimate creative spirit that she can feel its hot breath on the backofher neck." 
Osnes reminds us to prioritize the importance of early motherhood by pushing 
away the invasive business of the world, by lying on our backs in the grass with 
our babes on our chests, and by letting the warm blessings of the sun spill over 
us. I grew profoundly nostalgic whiie reading this book, particularly when I 
realized that the precious lessons and gifts of that insular time are no longer 
fresh in my memory. Osnes reminds me of how far I have traveled, what I have 
endured, and how much wiser I am now that I am a mother. As she explains: 
"Now you have twice a stake in the future. You have twice the reason to care 
about the legacy our generation is handing down to the next and twice the 
strength to make a difference. You have twice the accomplishments to cheer, 
twice-the obstacles to conquer, twice the shoes to tie, twice the laughter and 
tears. Ifyou feel twice as deeply and soar twice as high then, indeed, you must 
be twice alive." 
A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother 
Rachel Cusk 
London: Fourth Estate, 2001 
Reviewed by Emily Jeremiah 
Rachel Cusk brings a novelist's craft to bear on the experiences of pregnancy, 
birth, and parenting, and she does so with clarity and elegance. She writes 
Journal ofthe Association for Research on Mothering 1 207 


Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Not a member yet

thanks

Women's Stories of Divorce at Childbirth: When the Baby Rocks the Cradle

turned

Editorial Masthead

How Grandmothers Became "Second Moms": Family Policies and Grandmothering in Britain, Germany and Sweden

Ann Bradstreet: The Religious Poet as Mother

Unbecoming Mothers: The Social Production of Maternal Absence

Elizabeth Smart: A Fugue Essay on Women and Creativity

Twice Alive: A Spiritual Guide to Mothering Through Pregnancy and Child's First Year

Ghanaian Mothers Helping Adult Daughters: The Survival Of Malnourished Grandchildren

1,574

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