Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Leggo
					, Carl

188         Volume , Number 2
Carl Leggo
Swallow Light
In September trapped sun, for the first time,
Carrie and I sat on her back porch, and talked 
about growing old and holding fast to life.
My mother said, Learn to be happy. 
I almost asked,
What is the curriculum of joy?,
but I didn’t want to sound like Mr. Rogers.
Recalling childhood is like swallows
flying light in a blackberry bramble.
For our mother’s birthday, my brother and I once bought
a beer mug from Woolworth’s, a wild woman’s image,
wide grin, flared nostrils, like the monstrous other that scares
Abbott and Costello in Africa Screams, and my brother and I 
carried our amazing find to Carrie who aped our glow, even
though we then knew she’d never win an Oscar. 
She still has the mug.
Remember Maxine Porter?
In middle age, she said, I have wasted much of my life. 
I don’t want to waste any more. I hope I have the heart for life. 
She told me about Canada Day, how she went 
to Margaret Bowater Park and amidst the crowds 
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         18 
Swallow Light
celebrating, saw noone she knew. 
One time, I knew everybody in Corner Brook. 
She knows the peril of a long healthy life,
the memory seared in longing.
Carrie said, Stuart Stuckless joined the circus, hurt his back, 
got a settlement, everything taken into account, he did well.
On Wednesdays when Carrie baked bread she wore 
faded blue mauve pink panties on her head to prevent 
stray hairs falling into the dough, and the kitchen window
always steamed up, the world condensed, hidden.
You can never have enough life
 to do all the things you want to do.
Carrie told me stories about other mothers
like she was seeking the ingredients for a stone soup
we might enjoy together in late lean winter days.
When Daisy Parsons got Alzheimer’s, 
her sons Fred and Ted cared for her 
like two nurses on Dr. Kildare. 
They couldn’t put her in a home 
because they needed her old age pension.
Memory is a winter window, stained frost, light etched lines.
Every Sunday Francis Dove’s mother went to church. 
Francis parked his car at the bottom of Lynch’s Lane, 
and slid his mother down the hill on a piece of linoleum, 
and the neighbours always said, Like a saint, nothing stops her. 
I grew up on winter weekends eating moose meat stewed 
long and tender, and my mother’s homemade bread  
spread with Good Luck margarine and Demerara molasses,
mouthfuls of sticky soft sweet steam.
Did you know if you eat a lot of beets you will pee red 
and scare yourself half to death with fears of death?
Like the pond skater knows shadows, fissures, vibrations, 
the resonant text read hypertextually, poised between
10         Volume , Number 2
Carl Leggo
sun and night, I no longer know the way back, but
Carrie’s wisdom like fridge magnets might guide me still:
 
always remember to forget
          what you don’t know won’t hurt you
always remember somebody nice
          kindness somehow stays with you
be open to new ideas
          we’re getting older like everybody else
be nice to want nothing
          everything is good
As a boy Carrie always bought me McGregor Happy Foot socks. 
The other day I bought a pair. I might even take up dancing.
Carl Leggo and his mother, Kerry Leggo, summer 2007. 
Photo: Lana Verge.


English

Swallow Light

Hynes
					, Eugene

“You Gotta Let Go if You Want to Hang On”: Intensive Parenting Among Middle Class Mothers Separated from their Children

Cuomo
					, reviewed by Amy

278        Volume 9, Number 2
Book Reviews
Having said that, Pepper does offer a thoughtful and practical guide to 
the experience of conception and pregnancy. Her writing is clear, concise, and 
honest. In this way, Pepper’s guide stands in contrast to the kind of hyperbole 
usually reserved for soon-to-be or new mothers—including both the unerr-
ingly rose-coloured accounts of pregnancy and motherhood that make us feel 
like we must be doing something wrong and the dire warnings that make us 
wonder why we would want to have children at all—and the overwhelming 
focus on the fetus’s health and development which can obscure the mother’s 
need for insight into her own rich and challenging experience. 
Of particular note is chapter five, which offers “ten tips to keep you sane” 
while trying to conceive, and chapter six, which tries to address the question 
“why am I not pregnant yet?” While there are the stories we cling to (and later 
resent) about the friend who got pregnant on her first try, for most women 
pregnancy rarely comes that easily. A book that openly discusses this issue and 
offers some wonderfully simple coping strategies is rarer still. As Pepper herself 
writes, “I lived in gay mecca, San Francisco, when I was trying to conceive, and 
I’m a pretty well-connected person. But I still felt as though I was reinventing 
the wheel every menstrual cycle.” Pepper is honest without being confessional 
and her company would have made my own journey toward parenthood much 
less strange and lonely.
The last half of Pepper’s book addresses the experiences of pregnancy and 
birth. In these chapters, Pepper speaks directly to the mother’s experience of 
her changing body and needs. This is what makes Pepper’s the ultimate guide 
to pregnancy for lesbians: her ability to speak frankly to other lesbian moms, 
not as an expert or medical professional concerned primarily with “the baby,” 
but as a peer. This is a book that reduces the stress of pregnancy, keeps you 
company on the journey toward parenthood, and reminds you that your biggest 
challenges are shared by others.
The history of adoption in the United States is an expansive topic that might 
have daunted a less able historian; however, Julie Berebitsky tightly focuses 
Like Our Very Own: 
Adoption and the Changing Culture of Motherhood, 
1851-1950 
Julie Berebitsky. 
Lawrence, Kansas: University Press of Kansas, 2000.
Reviewed by Amy Cuomo
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering        279 
Book Reviews
her historical lens and offers a carefully wrought picture of the changing ide-
ology that surrounded adoption in both the nineteenth and twentieth cen-
turies. The author summarizes her book’s purpose as follows: “Rather than 
providing a historical survey of adoption practices, this work examines adop-
tion for what it can tell us about Americans’ changing understanding of the 
family.” Berebitsky does, however, provide an excellent overview of adoption 
practices. The author’s historical research is meticulous, ranging across re-
cords from orphanages, social workers’ case files, and correspondence from 
prospective parents, as well as those relinquishing a child for adoption. Prob-
lems of closed records required the author to search for additional material 
to help her understand the meaning of adoption; as a result Berebitsky also 
considers material found in popular magazines of the day. 
Berebitsky analyzes the United States’s changing perspective on adopted 
children, adoptive parents, and what these changes reveal about cultural un-
derstandings of family. Chapter one explores the foundations of early adoption 
laws and takes the reader through the early history of American adoption, using 
specific case studies of orphanages such as the Washington City Orphan Asylum 
and the Board of Children’s Guardians. Photographs of adoption contracts 
and orphanages are included and offer a historical backdrop to adoption in the 
nineteenth century. In addition to developing a legal analysis of early adoption 
procedures in the U.S., the author considers eugenic concerns regarding “tainted 
blood.” Berebitsky further notes that while many parents legally adopted their 
children, others chose to raise children without adopting them because they 
were daunted not only by the legal quagmire attached to adoption but also by 
its cost. Thus, the author explores cultural attitudes that questioned the ability 
of the law to constitute a family. Chapter two looks specifically at an adoption 
campaign launched by The Delineator, a popular magazine, and reveals how the 
campaign managed an early media spin that constructed a narrative aimed at 
“rescuing” children through adoption. Berebitsky’s exploration of The Delineator 
campaign shows how the media affected the public perception of adoption.
In her third chapter, Berebitsky studies the cultural stigma of childless-
ness in the first half of the twentieth century and the growing concept of what 
constituted a “real mother.” The author notes the contradiction that women 
who adopted children, while often denied the “status” of biological mothers, 
could be considered “superior citizens.” Chapter four depicts the growing 
prejudice against single mothers who wished to adopt and notes that this 
change of attitude became pervasive by the 1940s. The author summarizes 
her research succinctly: “Single women still adopted after 1920; however, 
there was no longer popular support for their motherhood. And by the 1950s, 
it appears that virtually no single women adopted.” Chapter five looks at the 
dispute between public adoption agencies that employed social workers and 
philanthropic women who worked with private adoption agencies to find homes 
for children. Berebitsky’s study reveals that “[t]hroughout the 1920s, 1930s, 
and 1940s, the demand for children greatly exceeded the supply of adoptable 
280        Volume 9, Number 2
Book Reviews
infants.” This demand for infants also spurred social workers to expand the 
parameters of their notion of “adoptable infants.”
The epilogue notes current debates surrounding the institution of adoption. 
Berebitsky cites the fear of racial genocide expressed by the National Associa-
tion of Black Social workers who tried to prevent whites from adopting black 
children. The author also recognizes the effect of Roe v. Wade on adoption, 
as there are now fewer available children to be adopted. 
Like Our Very Own is clear, accessible, and painstakingly researched. It will 
appeal to readers interested in the history of the family and adoption.
The importance of understanding children’s education from a holistic stand-
point is a recognized topic within educational training and research. Children’s 
experiences both in and out of the classroom are now considered in relation 
to their academic success. The Family Context of Parenting in Children’s Adap-
tation to Elementary School is an in-depth study exploring the significance of 
family experiences on a child’s transition to elementary school.
This book examines seven themes within the family context: authoritative 
parenting; marital quality in relation to sex-typed parenting; children’s self-
perceptions; parental conflict; intergenerational context of parenting; parental 
work experience; and family process/structure. As a longitudinal study, the 
researchers were able to use multiple data gathering methods; thus, not only 
were the seven themes explored over time, the researchers witnessed gradual 
changes within the family contexts. The researchers also include voices of 
parents, children, teachers, and research observers who offer their points of 
view throughout the study.
I was troubled by the researchers’ noted population bias. For the purposes of 
this work, they recruited two-income, heterosexual, married couples whose first 
child was entering kindergarten during the time of study. Eighty-four percent 
of participants were Caucasian and 79% were equal to or above the median 
family income for the research region. The researchers targeted a population 
that was not “high-risk” and where the child’s experiences of school transition 
were at par with normal child development.
Given the sample population, the researchers’ findings come as no surprise 
The Family Context of Parenting in Children’s 
Adaptation to Elementary School
P. A. Cowen, C. A. Cowen, J. C. Ablow, V. K. Johnson, J. R. Measelle, eds. 
Mahwah,NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2005.
Reviewed by Irene A. Barrett


Like Our Very Own: Adoption and the Changing Culture of Motherhood, 1851-1950

Amanda 4 Keira,

184         Volume 9, Number 1
A feeling so new
A feeling I love
You are my daughter given from above
You are constantly on my mind
I love every moment spent, watching time go by
Overwhelmed with joy every time I see your face
I thank God for putting me in this place
You give me strength, the inspiration that I need
                 A proud mother, love struck indeed.   
  
Amanda 4 Keira
struck by love
♥♥♥
♥♥
♥
♥
♥♥
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         185 
Stacey Kathen and Cole
Stacey Kathen and Cole


struck by love

Cadray, Lynell

244         Volume 9, Number  1
Book Reviews
selfhood. The value of this book is both cumulative and specific. Cumulative, 
because the sheer number of chapters dealing with adolescent decision-making 
in a wide range of theoretical and practical contexts increases our knowledge 
of developmental psychology and its practical application. Specific, because 
many chapters call into question particular assumptions that have governed 
research and policy, in content and in method. There is specific value even in 
those chapters that present their findings as subtle repositionings of familiar 
knowledge, as they provide a sound framework for future research on ideas 
and beliefs our society takes for granted. 
Family Investments in Children’s Potential focuses on the role parents play in 
raising their children and the varied investments that influence the outcome 
of children. These outcomes are directly linked to the cultural, social, and 
economic backgrounds, genetics, and educational levels of parents. This col-
lection of essays, written from a range of perspectives, serves as a useful guide 
to parents.
In chapter one, Bradley and Corwyn describe the five “S’s” of safety/sus-
tenance, stimulation, socio-emotional support, structure, and surveillance. 
Some of this development is done in prenatal care and continues throughout 
life. Socio-emotional support occurs during the child’s growth and is based on 
how the child is socialized to norms and life’s expectations. Structure relates to 
limits imposed upon children during their upbringing, and surveillance refers 
to maintaining the child’s safety during upbringing. Despite the apparent 
practicality of the five “S’s,” there are many factors that cannot be guaranteed 
when raising children and no specific formula of assurance that all outcomes 
for children will be positive. 
In chapter three, Michael considers the family’s influences on children’s 
verbal ability and contends that investing time in children, even when economic 
resources are limited, can be extremely beneficial to children. He contends 
that children’s success is dependent not only on wealth, but on quality time 
spent with parents.
In chapter six, Fuligni and Yoshikawa highlight the experience of im-
migrant parents who do not speak the language of their adopted country. 
Immigrant parents, who often leave their native countries to pursue “better” 
Family Investments in Children’s Potential 
A. Kalil and T. DeLeire.  
London: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 2004.
Reviewed by Lynell Cadray
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         245 
Book Reviews
lives for themselves and their children, place high value on education. Children 
of immigrants tend to pursue professional, technical, and business degrees, 
which allows them to pursue careers that are linked to high incomes and which 
increase their chances for better life styles.
In chapter seven, Lundberg and Rose examine the impact of gender on 
raising children. Fathers, for example, tend to be more involved with their 
sons, and research indicates that households with sons spend more money on 
family expenditures than households with daughters. 
Each chapter in Family Investments in Children’s Potential introduces im-
portant issues that require further investigation, issues such as the influence 
of gender, disability status, and public policy pertaining to families on the 
outcomes of children.
I Wanna be Sedated is an uneven collection of tales about parenting emerging 
adults—i.e., teenagers. The pieces vary from the trivial to the poignant. On the 
one hand, Jeff Wallace reveals his horror at having to deal with his daughter’s 
first period. This reader felt like telling Wallace to “Grow up Dad!” On the 
other hand, Barbara Kingsolver is especially apt in her musings on the roots 
of parents’ worry as they help their children apply to college: “will we ever find 
a place that will hold her and love her as well as I do?” (151).
If one ignores its stereotypic notion of the teenage years as an abhorrent 
time when parents are totally confused, this book offers some insights. Joyce 
Maynard confronts us with societal and personal ambivalence about sex; Gail 
Hudson explores the complexity of the college application process; Peter 
Applebome forces liberals to reconsider the worth of the boy scouts; and Debra 
Gwartney writes with passion and detail about a truly difficult situation. The 
collection even includes an article by Flor Fernandez Barrios about “other 
mothering.” And, as always, Anna Quindlen writes about mothering with 
humour and penetrating honesty.
However, nowhere does this collection confront the myth that teenagers 
must be difficult. Nor does it ask why parents would want to be sedated during 
adolescence, a time that is endlessly fascinating as both children and parents 
grow and change. Nonetheless, I Wanna Be Sedated is worth reading—if one 
reads selectively and applies critical thinking. 
I Wanna Be Sedated
Faith Conlone and Gail Hudson, eds.  
Emeryville, CA: Seal Press, 2005.
Reviewed by Ruth Nemzoff


Family Investments in Children's Potential

Alexander
					, Meena

 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         251 
My son who is young
just six this year
knows the red soil of our land
Turning it in his palm
he said
“My sister is this earth
I am water
we will mix together.”
I heard this in a dream
He pointed at my belly
watermelon swollen
streaked as if mud
had dribbled over
lighter flesh
“I am glad
I was not born a girl.
I will never hold that weight
in my belly.”
He spun on his heels,
on his lean shoulders
I saw wings of bone
pale as the stones of Kozhencheri 
“Mother!” he laughed
“You know I am not a girl!”
South of the Nilgiris
252         Volume 9, Number 2
Meena Alexander
Under my ribs
she turned
his unborn sister,
green as a wave 
on the southern coast
ready to overwhelm me,
overwhelm even the distant hills.


South of the Nilgiris

Arcana, Judith

 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering      221 
Ok, look, don’t give me a hard time; I’m gonna tell everything; it doesn’t mat-
ter now anyway. I need a cigarette….All right. Here goes. In my own words, 
like you like to say. First of all, I never thought I’d get, you know, pregnant, 
because I just didn’t, you know, I mean it was too stupid, I mean, like who 
gets pregnant? I figured nobody gets pregnant, really. And it’s not like we did 
it that many times either. And then when it happened, it took a while before 
I even knew, because I wasn’t always bleeding at the same time every month, 
I wasn’t some poster girl who started every twenty-eight days like they say, 
so I didn’t even notice at first. And I didn’t want to pay any attention anyway, 
it’s so gross, I mean, the whole thing. Like blood always gets on your hands 
when you change and half the time it starts when you’re at school and you 
don’t even know ‘til you pull down your pants in the locker room. But when 
I started to get fat I got freaked out; that’s when I remembered I hadn’t seen 
my period for a while. So I went on really strict diets, almost like the anorexic 
girls, and I worked out as many hours as I could, and that really helped, so like 
nobody noticed. My father never looks at me anyway, he wouldn’t recognize 
me on the street, I swear, and my mother is not in the picture, you know? 
Later, when my stomach started to stick out anyway, I just wore really long 
sweaters and shirts, dark, mostly black. When I was naked you could really 
tell; I showed Jerry in the seventh month and he said, Jeez, how much bigger 
is it gonna get? But I had this cool idea, I went and got – really, you won’t 
believe this, I got a girdle, you know, like women used to wear in old times. I 
got it in the old lady section of a store downtown where nobody goes, and it 
worked, you know, like even when I was eight months and all the way to the 
end, nobody noticed anything – well nobody ever said they did, anyway. It 
hurt though, I mean that girdle really hurt me. And when it finally started to 
come out, when I felt it hurting under the girdle, like from the inside, I was in 
school, so I got Jerry and we skipped out in his car. First we just drove around, 
but then he took me to a motel we used for sex, and I stayed in the bathroom 
until it came out. He played music real loud so nobody could hear me – I 
mean, I wasn’t like some jungle woman or anything, but I made noise. When 
Sheila’s deposition, 1997
222         Volume 9, Number 1
Judith Arcana
it came out, I turned it over and we pressed the head into a pile of towels for 
a while. We filled the tub with water to clean up and first we just put it all 
in there, the rest of the stuff that came out, you know, like the afterbirth, the 
cord. Jerry cut the cord with a Swiss army knife – he was very together. He 
used to be some kind of scout – you know, they learn stuff. We watched it 
float for a while, and then Jerry said, Hey, I know what we can do; let’s take 
it to a dumpster – ‘cause who looks in dumpsters, right? I mean, nobody we 
know does that, only maybe, like, homeless people, they might look around 
in there, but they’re not gonna care. I mean, ok, they eat from dumpsters, but 
they’re not gonna eat a baby, right? And it’d be dead anyway, and we can like 
stick it in a box, or under newspapers; nobody’s ever gonna see it. So, ok, we 
were wrong about that part, but we did a pretty good job. You can’t tell me 
it’d be better if we got all nice and married and kept the kid, playing Mommy 
and Daddy. I mean, think about it.


Sheila's deposition, 1997

May, Meghan

192         Volume 9, Number 1
It was merely fifteen months ago 
When you brought a true smile across my face, 
My little baby girl was born 
You had finally found your way. 
I embraced you like no other 
And from then we have moved together like one, 
Wherever I am there you are 
My twinkling star and shining sun. 
When you awake in the morning 
And stand there in your glory, 
As I realize how much you’ve grown 
My heart replays the story. 
The months that you spent inside of me 
The day that you entered my life, 
Relieving all of my tension, frustration 
The anger, the, hurt, the strife. 
The day that you were born 
Gave me a true and brand new start, 
Opening my eyes to opportunities 
Touching and healing the wounds upon my heart. 
At the age of fourteen I had dropped out of school 
I had made countless mistakes, 
Wearing a mask to hide the truth 
My entire reality was fake. 
It was when you were born 
That the layers began to fade away, 
Wherever You Are, There I Am
Meghan May
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         193 
Where You Are, There I Am
And I could wake up in the morning 
With a smile upon my face. 
You have given me the strength and the courage 
To say that I will achieve, 
Knowing that I had to do it for you 
Even if I didn’t want to do it for me. 
From then on I have pushed myself 
Although at times it is tough, 
I have always been guided by your giggles, your smiles, 
Your unconditional love. 
Sometimes at night 
I creep in to see you fast asleep, 
All of the things that you are dreaming 
Those secrets are forever yours to keep. 
When I wander out quietly I calmly ask myself, 
Why is it that God has blessed me 
With this precious angel from above? 
Meghan and Arianna, St. Martin’s Manor, Hamilton


Wherever You Are, There I Am

McCarthy, Sam

 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         203 
As a young, single mom, I have a lot to worry about every month: school work 
to be finished, laundry to be done, toys to be picked up, and a baby boy to take 
care of. With so much to do, I just don’t have the time to stop and consider 
what it is I need or want to buy, and how much it is going to cost me. 
Before my son was born, I was a sixteen-year-old with no expenses, and 
what I thought was a big weekly pay cheque. I bought anything I wanted, and 
didn’t even think about saving. I always thought that if I could spend like that 
before I had Jonny, I would have no problem afterwards. I was very wrong. I 
didn’t go back to work right away, and the amount of those first government 
cheques seemed huge! But, I still found myself out of money very quickly. A 
year later, I still had trouble making the money last all month. I needed help. 
Budgeting was my only solution. 
I started out making lists of all the things I needed, including costs, and 
reading flyers for sales. I bought the cheaper things at the beginning of the 
month because my cheque had to last twenty days, and I bought the more 
expensive things on the 20th. Still, no luck. I tried putting money aside, giv-
ing money to my parents to hold on to, putting money into a bank account 
that was not on my debit card. Nothing worked. What was I going to do? I 
couldn’t keep spending like this! 
While attending a group in my community for young moms, I was given 
a ten dollar grocery store gift card on a weekly basis. I used this for buying 
milk. I could only spend that ten dollars at the grocery store. Suddenly an idea 
came to me: finally, a budgeting plan that could work! 
I started by digging out receipts for diapers, milk, wipes, baby shampoo, 
and anything else I needed to buy every month. I then divided them into lists 
based on the store they were purchased at, added up the total costs at each 
Sam McCarthy
Budgeting With Gift Cards
A Teen Mom’s Story of Money Management
204         Volume 9, Number 1
Sam McCarthy
store, gave myself extra money for taxes, and started buying myself gift cards. 
Fifty dollars at Wal-Mart for diapers, wipes, shampoo, and a little extra in case 
Jonny needed something else. Fifty dollars at the grocery store for milk and 
Jonny’s snacks, and a hundred dollars on a pre-paid credit card for my phone 
bill. My plan wasn’t perfect the first time, but when I got it right, it was so 
easy to control my spending! After buying my gift cards, I bought sale items I 
saw in flyers that I didn’t necessarily need, but wanted to have for Jonny. Any 
money I had left in my bank account went towards extras. I couldn’t believe 
budgeting could be so easy! 
Having a budget that worked for me made my life so much easier. It took 
away all the stress of worrying about money, and made my trips to the mall 
with friends much more fun! 


Budgeting With Gift Cards: A Teen Mom's Story of Money Management

Ross
					, reviewed by Lori

276        Volume 9, Number 2
Book Reviews
written by an expert on the topic under discussion, provides empirical data 
presented in professional but understandable language. An excellent feature of 
the text is the summarizing commentary that concludes each section.
Chapters one and two provide a thorough introduction to aggressive dis-
orders in girls. Chapters three and four, through the description of longitudinal 
empirical studies, discuss physical aggression demonstrated by girls. Chapters 
five and six focus on social environment in the context of aggression in young 
girls and the variables associated with aggression in relationship development. 
Chapters seven and eight, through a description of qualitative and quantitative 
studies and their outcomes, address treatment methodologies. Chapters nine and 
ten look at risk factors in the design of treatment initiatives identified through 
longitudinal studies, with heavy emphasis placed on society and family and 
the impact of aberrant maternal behaviours. The relational aspect of female 
development and the treatment of female aggression differ significantly from 
male development and the treatment of male aggression.
The Development and Treatment of Girlhood Aggression offers practical re-
search and content on a topic in need of further study. A valuable resource, it 
should encourage research and treatment in this field. The book will be useful 
in graduate courses in psychology, social work, and related fields of study.
 
In A Donor Insemination Guide, Marie Mohler and Lacy Frazer draw on their 
personal experiences conceiving their two sons to develop a practical, hands-
on guide for lesbians on the path to parenthood. The authors offer concise, 
straightforward information about all aspects of the donor insemination pro-
cess.
Being so deeply grounded in the authors’ own experience is both this 
book’s greatest advantage, and its greatest disadvantage. Having successfully 
conceived twice using donor insemination, Mohler and Frazer are experts on 
the topic. This comes across throughout the book: they highlight information 
they found helpful or wish they had known as they were going through the 
process—information that other lesbians may find difficult to access elsewhere. 
The book is both practical and encouraging of queer women who are exploring 
A Donor Insemination Guide: 
Written by and for Lesbian Women
Marie Mohler and Lacy Frazer. 
San Francisco: Harrington Park Press, 2002.
Reviewed by Lori Ross
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering        277 
Book Reviews
the possibility of donor insemination.
The disadvantage of basing the book so completely on their own experi-
ences is felt, however, in the authors’ discussion of the “known versus unknown 
donor” question. Although at one point in their journey the authors attempted 
insemination using a known donor, they decided to use unknown donors for 
both of their children. As a result, they are strongly biased in favour of unknown 
donors and emphasize the potential complications—to the exclusion of potential 
benefits—associated with known donors. Important topics related to the use 
of known donors are not covered in the book, such as how to find, choose, and 
negotiate with potential known donors. There is also little discussion of the 
potential for creating alternative families beyond the two-parent model. The four 
interviews included in chapter seven, for example, are with committed couples 
who opt for insemination with an unknown donor via a sperm bank. The racial 
identity of neither the authors nor the interview subjects is mentioned, and 
important race-related issues (for example, the difficulties in accessing sperm 
from a donor who shares your heritage) are not addressed here.
Despite these limitations, this is a useful book that I recommend to other 
lesbians who are considering donor insemination, and especially those who intend 
to use an unknown donor. In particular, the introductory chapters on sperm, 
cycle monitoring, and insemination contain practical and accessible information 
that will help queer women successfully navigate the fertility system.
As a recently pregnant and new lesbian mother, I was interested to read the 
revised edition of Rachel Pepper’s The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Les-
bians to see what kind of advice and insight I might have missed along my 
own strange journey toward parenthood. In many ways, this book is geared 
toward women like me—I am a lesbian who was economically privileged 
enough to secure good legal advice, buy sperm, and save $5,000 to cover the 
cost of conception and childbirth that Pepper recommends. While Pepper 
addresses women in a variety of personal situations—single, coupled, mem-
bers of alternative families—the first few chapters of the “ultimate guide” are 
not especially useful to poor or working-class lesbians or for queer women 
and lesbians who find themselves pregnant unexpectedly (more than one 
might think).
The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians
Rachel Pepper. 
San Francisco: Cleis Press, 2005.
Reviewed by Chloë Brushwood Rose
