Journal of the Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (JMI - York University)

Loutzenhiser, Lynn

246         Volume 9, Number  1
Book Reviews
The goal of Mommy Guilt is to “show you how parenting can become more 
enjoyable for you, your spouse, and your children” (3). The key is simple: moth-
ers need to learn how to recognize and reduce their “Mommy Guilt” and then 
everyone in the family will be happier.
Based on a large-scale survey of 1300 parents (predominantly mothers), the 
authors identify the most common guilt-inducing issues for parents of toddlers 
to school-aged children (for example, yelling too much at one’s children or 
having an untidy house). They then present a number of strategies to reduce 
guilt in the context of seven principles that make up the “Mommy-Guilt-Free 
Philosophy.” The principles are simple and straightforward, such as “laugh a 
lot, especially with your children” and “parenting is not a competitive sport.” 
Through the provision of various exercises, readers are encouraged to identify 
their level of guilt and then minimize it by applying the seven “Mommy-
Guilt-Free” principles. 
As a practical “how-to” guide, this book is very successful. It is well written 
and well organized, includes an appropriate amount of humour, and is enjoy-
able to read. One strength of this book is the inclusion of practical examples 
of “Mommy Guilt,” alternative ways to think about them, and strategies to 
deal with them. I particularly like the authors’ use of a developmental approach 
throughout the book. For example, instead of using the “one-strategy fits all” 
technique, the authors tailor parents’ guilt-reducing strategies to fit their child’s 
developmental level. This developmental approach not only assists parents in 
dealing with their current issues, but also provides them with a glimpse into 
the future when their coping strategies will need to change. 
Although successful at the practical level, this book does little to explain 
the origins of “Mommy Guilt.” The authors raise the matter all to briefly: 
“We can’t deny that we are expected to do it all. The question is, who has 
that expectation? The answer is us” (8). Thus, from the authors’ point of view, 
mothers feel guilty because of their own expectations. Given that mothers 
are viewed as responsible for their feelings of guilt, the authors’ strategy of 
achieving enjoyment from parenting by changing one’s expectations of oneself 
makes perfect sense. However, blaming mothers for their guilt and ignoring 
the social and political context in which this guilt occurs does little to further 
our understanding of the “Mommy Guilt” phenomenon. It also perpetuates 
Mommy Guilt: 
Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, 
and Raise Happier Kids
Julie Bort, Aviva Plock, and Devra Renner.  
New York: AMACOM, 2005.
Reviewed by Lynn Loutzenhiser
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         247 
Book Reviews
the notion that mothers are solely responsible for familial happiness. 
If a critical, social, and political analysis of “Mommy Guilt” is what you 
are looking for, this book is not for you. If, however, you are seeking practical 
parenting strategies presented in an interesting and humorous way, you will 
enjoy this book.
As a mother and a professional in the field of special education for over twenty 
years, I am impressed with Miriam Edelson’s Battle Cries: Justice for Kids with 
Special Needs. Edelson is a well-educated, involved, and resourceful parent who 
asserts that an individual with a disability is, first and foremost, a person and 
a family member. Edelson begins her book with a first-person account of her 
battle for justice and equality for her son Jake, a child with severe disabilities 
who has since passed away. She describes personal challenges, as well as the 
obstacles she and her family faced when dealing with individuals and social 
service agencies. Edelson rightly claims that her best attribute is strength of 
character. This is evident throughout her book, which is based on extensive 
research on public policy and private support (see part one) that informs the 
individual portraits she provides in part two.
Part one describes the “terrain” of the disability realm. Chapters cover 
topics such as services and supports, the marginalization of mothers who take 
care of children with disabilities, respite, faith and the community, and how 
society views individuals with disabilities. Edelson includes factual information 
regarding services, supports, and policy issues across Canada’s provinces. Gen-
eral tips on how to find services are included at the back of the text; however, 
a list of contacts, resources, and telephone numbers is a regrettable oversight 
that would have been invaluable to readers.
Through the voices of mothers and one father, part two presents the “battle 
cries” of the book’s title. Each portrait presents the story of the child’s birth, life 
with the family, the education and services that the child and family receive, 
and how family relationships intertwine with their individual communities. 
The portraits document the heroism of families who advocate on behalf of 
their children and show that advocacy and appropriate planning can result in 
functional lives for disabled children.
Edelson uses her first-hand knowledge of mothering a disabled child and 
Battle Cries:
Justice for Kids with Special Needs  
Miriam Edelson.
Toronto: Sumach Press, 2005.
Reviewed by Barbara Schwartz-Bechet


English

Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids

Arcana, Judith

220             Volume 9, Number 1
Don’t you remember anything? It was just a little while ago, I think it was 
‘56, no, it must’ve been ‘57, Suzie went away right before school got out, right 
at the start of summer. So what was that, your second year at Bonaventure, 
starting then? Sure, yeah, ‘cause it was the summer before my junior year. 
Don’t you remember, it was right around the time of spring carnival, they said 
she was sick and she had to stay home and finish the year with a tutor from 
DePaul? And then they said she had to go away, so Aunt Viv and Uncle Al 
took her away, but remember Teddy and all the little kids stayed with us for a 
week and you two took them to the beach on the bus every day? Remember 
it was real hot, everybody was at the lake – except me, that was the year I got 
my work permit, the first time I could make more than baby-sitting money, so 
I could only go to the lake on Sundays after church. Anyway, that was when 
they took her to one of those places, homes, in St. Louis; they keep you there 
until you have your baby and then they give the baby to people who can’t have 
kids. It was like a convent there, or a jail even, I’m not kidding, places like 
that are so strict, the people who ran it were really mean, worse than Sister 
Marie-Claire – maybe even worse than Sister Thomas. I saw this movie about 
a girl who had to go to one, and her boyfriend tries to find her and he finally 
does, and he’s real cute, but they won’t let him in. So Mom and Dad and Aunt 
Viv and Uncle Al told everybody she was at a sanitorium, for breathing when 
you get TB or something, but she wasn’t, she was in St Louis. It is true. She 
did. Don’t tell me you didn’t know this. Suzie had a baby right before school 
started up again. She nearly got back too late to register; remember, because 
she came late she had to be locker partners with some girl in her homeroom 
who never talked? How can you not remember any of this? 
Talking about Suzie, 1959


Talking About Suzie, 1959

Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering Fall/Winter 2007, Vol 9, No 2, 319 pages

Wong-Wylie, Gina

 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         251 
Book Reviews
feel less safe than their white counterparts in discussing non-work issues in the 
workplace, and often report that their immediate supervisors are more critical 
of their efforts to balance work and non-work concerns. 
Organizational values and sensitivity are needed in conjunction with 
family policies to bring about effectiveness in balancing the demands of work 
and home life. The foundational argument here, and perhaps the book’s most 
valuable message, is that eliminating barriers to success implies an under-
standing that childcare is everyone’s business. Another important issue is the 
lack of role models for women at the leadership level. There is also a need for 
quality part-time jobs, especially at the professional level, where often there 
is a stigma associated with part-time employment and remuneration is not 
proportional to the full-time rate. As paid employment is rarely optional, few 
families with children can afford to own a home with only one wage earner. 
The book’s final premise is thus to redefine the research agenda: it is time to 
shift the negative focus (for example, the view that mothers who work full-
time neglect their children) to the systematic investigation of conditions that 
facilitate the work-family balance. To that end, Halpern and Murphy suggest 
the introduction of cafeteria-style benefit programs that allow employees to 
craft their benefits package to meet specific family needs. Other methods are 
job sharing, alternative job arrangements, telecommuting, and on-site day 
care facilities.
Couples and Pregnancy: Welcome, Unwelcome and In-Between, published simul-
taneously as volume eight of the Journal of Couples Therapy, includes seven 
articles and one commentary on topics such as men’s experience of grief after 
abortion, a therapist’s awareness of a client’s unwelcome pregnancy, dealing 
with the death of a baby, and Virginia Satir’s perspective that “We are not 
creators of life; we are only activators” (1).
A major strength of this book is the inclusion of many case studies of 
couples and clients seen in therapy and clinical settings. Cultural diversity and 
divergent views of “family” are not included here, however. For the most part, 
the articles reinforce dominant perceptions and Schoenewolf ’s article, “Of 
Breasts and Men: Three Generations of Vampire Coupling,” promulgates an 
Couples and Pregnancy:
Welcome, Unwelcome, and In-Between
Barbara Jo Brothers, ed.
Binghampton, NY: Haworth Press, 1999.
Reviewed by Gina Wong-Wylie
252         Volume 9, Number  1
Book Reviews
especially sexist, racist, patriarchal, and pejorative view of women.
Informative articles are presented that invite readers to consider significant 
issues such as the psychological impact of pregnancy and birth as they relate 
to a couple’s developmental level and history of coping with change. Lynch 
provides a critical reminder to therapists to explore a couple’s previous unwanted 
pregnancies and decisions around these significant events. Kleinplatz provides 
a thorough review of how fertility is understood and conceptualized in North 
America. She respectfully suggests that infertility is “perhaps … deep within 
…  not linked to biomedical approaches alone” (18). 
Unfortunately, Schoenewolf ’s contribution mars an otherwise useful vol-
ume. Replete with expert and pathologizing language, he links the Vampire myth 
to fantasies of passive-aggressive males and case histories of couples enacting 
this fantasy. Schoenewolf ’s description of a fantasy/dream involving a “black 
girl” and a white male who inserts a syringe into the girl’s neck and sucks her 
blood is disturbing and racist. Further, his Freudian psychoanalysis connects 
these fantasies to phobia about women’s breasts. In fact, this article perpetuates 
a disparaging view of women and men alike, and I am not convinced by the 
rationale provided for its inclusion despite objections by three members of the 
editorial board. An article on grief after miscarriage or identity development of 
new parents would have been a more meaningful addition to this resource.
Overall, Couples and Pregnancy provides practical guidance to therapists 
working with couples and individuals around issues of fertility. I would recom-
mend this book to counselors, social workers, and psychologists, but would 
advise them to skip the article by Schoenewolf and seek out resources that 
embrace cultural diversity and offer more balanced views of family systems. 
This volume is comprehensive in that the researchers have studied a broad range 
of individual workers (differing in age, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, 
and skill level—from managerial and professional workers to lower-level wage 
earners), companies, geographical locations (both domestic and international), 
and types of studies (from individual case studies to multi-method studies). The 
organizational scholars chosen to contribute to this work bring well-considered 
research, insightful theoretical perspectives, and sound praxis to their individual 
contributions. Given that American workers not only work the longest work 
Work and Life Integration:
Organizational, Cultural, and Individual Perspectives
Ellen Ernst Kossek and Susan J. Lambert, eds.  
Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 2005.
Reviewed by Cayo Gamber


Couples and Pregnancy: Welcome, Unwelcome and In-Between

Gubrium, Aline

Making Statistics Lie: Interrogating Teenage Motherhood in a Rural African-American Community

Feng
					, Lingqin

Policy Shifts and their Effects on Childcare in a Rural Chinese Context

Harde
					, reviewed by Roxanne

 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering        285 
Book Reviews
that refract from a parent’s heart to an adult child and back again.
In Letters to Virginia Woolf, a non-fiction work of 43 letters, Woolf scholar 
Lisa Williams focuses on mothering and violence and probes the significance 
of Woolf ’s life and writing. Williams is at her best in those letters that de-
scribe birthing and raising her son, the miscarriages she suffered before hav-
ing him, and the fertility treatments she underwent in order to conceive. Her 
experience of mothering gives her a deeper understanding of and apprecia-
tion for her own mother. When describing great joy or great pain, Williams’s 
prose is eloquent and direct; her first letter moves from a sunny fall day with 
her son in a New York City park to the devastating events that happened 
that very day, 11 September 2001. This letter opens with a quotation from 
Woolf, as do several letters, and Woolf ’s rumination on war and life from 
Three Guineas inspires Williams even as it enriches her insight into her own 
responses to the aftermath of the terrorist attacks. The last letters circle back 
to where the book begins as they discuss the first anniversary of what we now 
know as 9-11 and draw from Woolf ’s writings on war to make clear that 
Woolf, and Williams, are connected to history and life, disconnected from 
nationalism and war.
Letters to Virginia Woolf is not consistently successful, however. The letters 
are divided into six parts that do not cohere and the whole seems fragmented. 
Williams’s ruminations—on 9-11, her body, and her child; her adolescence 
and the Vietnam War; her parents and their divorce; and her Woolf scholar-
ship—cover a good deal of her life, and the divisions seem arbitrary and un-
enlightening. Further, I expected a scholar who has spent a good deal of her 
adulthood immersed in Woolf ’s writing to have more acuity with language. 
Woolf is generally a model of concision; Williams has a tendency to repeat im-
ages, words, and phrases, including clichés. How many times does one need to 
pause over a mother’s beehive hairdo; how many times does one need to “revisit 
the landscape of my childhood”? Woolf ’s descriptions are cogent; Williams’s 
prose is overwrought at times. A sun, for example, “seemed to stretch her arms 
languorously over hills and streams,” and a mother’s “hair splintered into many 
threads while the evening light hovered round her.” When not weighted down 
with descriptions, Williams’s prose soars and the two short poems she includes 
show a sharp acuity often lacking in this book. I will be sure to seek out her 
poetry on the strength of those poems alone.
Letters to Virginia Woolf
Lisa Williams.
Lanham, MD: Hamilton, 2005.
Reviewed by Roxanne Harde


Letters to Virginia Woolf

Satterfield, Jane

238         Volume 9, Number  1
Book Reviews
Instead, by describing her fears and emotional turmoil in a raw and honest 
manner, leavened with humour, she provides an insider’s view of what it is to 
be a fallible mother. 
Included in Brockenbrough’s narrative are memories of childhood, family, 
dating, and marrying Adam, her partner. These memories are well placed and 
serve to contextualize Brockenbrough’s emotions and the reasoning behind 
her sometimes hysterically funny behaviour. She shares changes in personal 
perspective and how these changes come about—argely the result of the 
unfamiliar turmoil she experiences in her role as a new mother. We read of 
Brockenbrough’s decision to follow her childhood dream of pursuing a writing 
career and not return to her former job. She also weighs her relationship with 
Adam—before and after the arrival of their daughter—and, for perspective, 
includes commentary from Adam, himself. 
A down-to-earth writer, Brockenbrough addresses many niggling fears 
and concerns that parents-to-be may have, continually reminding readers 
that, despite best intentions, parents are ultimately human and babies are 
not automated washing machines that function in accordance with parenting 
books, guides, and manuals:
One of the baby books I read said that most parents understand their 
baby’s cries after three weeks. That wasn’t reassuring at all. Not only 
was I really tired and pretty much useless when she was three weeks 
old, I also had only a fuzzy idea of what she needed. Because the 
book said I should have known better, I was a confirmed failure. As 
a failure all I would do to soothe her was try a little of everything. I 
actually nursed her and changed her diaper simultaneously once. And 
once is the number of times I will ever do that. (130)
In this delightful book, Brockenbrough writes as a friend who shares her 
experiences and offers kind counsel: “it is not going to work out the way you 
think it is going to work out, all the books and manuals are not going to be all 
that helpful (but read them anyway), and in the end it is all going to okay!”
In the 30 years since Adrienne Rich’s groundbreaking Of Woman Born: Mother-
hood as Institution and Experience, there has been an explosion of literature about 
Great with Child:
Letters to a Young Mother  
Beth Ann Fennelly. 
New York:  W.W. Norton, 2006.
Reviewed by Jane Satterfield
 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         239 
Book Reviews
motherhood. From acerbic “hip mama” narratives like Ariel Gore’s Breeder or 
Kate Moses’s anthology Mothers Who Think to stern cultural studies like Judith 
Warner’s Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, these accounts deal with motherhood 
as institution and experience in varying ways, blending first-person accounts with 
broader social analysis. An award-winning poet (Fennelly’s first collection, Open 
House, won the 2001 Kenyon Review Prize; her second, Tender Hooks, collects 
some of the most striking poems about motherhood and childrearing in recent 
years), Fennelly’s approach to a familiar subject is a welcome departure; her subtle 
lyricism and fierce intellect find perfect expression in the epistolary tradition.
“These are letters I would have welcomed when I was pregnant,” Fennelly 
writes, explaining her decision to share private letters written to a former student. 
Newly pregnant, with both parents dead and living far from friends, Kathleen 
became understandably panicked, wondering “who would help her, who would 
coach her through?” Partly “to stop her from leaking mascara on my shoulder,” 
Fennelly pledged to write daily, welcoming the opportunity to “shape my own 
reflections about pregnancy and child rearing,” quickly discovering that the 
exchange wove the two women into “that grand circle of women giving and 
getting advice about children.” 
Fennelly’s witty prose accommodates life’s bewildering contradictions, as 
when she writes about the changes pregnancy brings to a woman’s life and a 
couple’s marriage: 
It would be difficult to overstate how crazy and stupid lack of sleep 
can make a person—now get two such folks together and throw in a 
baby, especially if it’s a screamer, and you’ll find why sleep deprivation 
is a successful technique in cult indoctrination. Oh yes, the couple 
is now indoctrinated in a cult, the Cult of Baby, and their sleep is “a 
dirty torn cloth,” as the poet Alicia Ostriker writes.… For the mother, 
there are the physical changes, her depression about the extra pounds, 
the loose muscles that trickle out a drop of pee when she sneezes. 
Add to that her compromised wardrobe, the epaulettes of spit-up.… 
No wonder she has a lower sex drive, which frustrates the husband, 
who is already dealing with the fact that if his wife is breast-feeding, 
his former beauty queen is now a Dairy Queen. 
Fennelly’s musings on her correspondent’s questions about life and art 
lead her beyond superficial observations, toward “stresses beyond these that 
aren’t mentioned so often”—the “eddies of discontent that begin to swirl in the 
formerly calm waters of the marriage”; the “judgmental” nature of the culture 
of motherhood; the “misogyny sometimes directed at women who produce 
not only children but creative work as well”; and “the erotics of motherhood.” 
Great with Child: Letters to a Young Mother is a compelling portrait of a modern 
woman’s journey through new psychic landscapes and an essential contribution 
to the literature of motherhood.


Great with Child: Letters to a Young Mother

Struyk, Angela

 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         207 
Stephanie is a 20-year-old mother with two children—one is three years old 
and one is eight months old. She is currently part of a Young parent Support 
program which helps young parents receive their high school diploma and 
receive care for their children. 
How many hours of sleep do you get at night?
About 7 or 8. 
How many times at night do you wake up? 
Three times. 
Are you the only one who gets up? 
No. 
What is the biggest challenge with your little girl?
Her hair. 
Describe the challenge. 
It’s hard to comb and take care of every day. 
What’s the best thing about Shantica? 
She’s funny. She comes up with things—she’s really good at remembering 
things like the “hands in your pocket” commercial. 
What’s the biggest challenge with the baby? 
When they’re both crying and I can’t get to both of them at the same time. 
How do you respond? 
Let one cry until I deal with the other one or have Shantica help me to get 
the other to stop crying. 
How old were you when you got pregnant?
Sixteen. 
How did you feel about that? 
A Conversation with Stephanie Brunet
Angela Struyk
208         Volume 9, Number 1
Angela Struyk
Scared and nervous. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it. 
Why did you decide to keep the baby? 
Because I don’t really believe in abortion unless it’s a life or death situation and 
I didn’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I gave her up for adoption. At 
that time [the father] was supportive. He was there when I had Shantica—not 
when I had Isaiah. 
Had you counted on doing this alone?
I figured I’d be doing it by myself. 
Describe your home support. 
[I get support from] the father, his mother and my brother. 
What was your life like when you got pregnant with Shantica?
 I had dropped out of school for a couple of months. 
Where were you living? 
By myself in an apartment. 
How did you make ends meet? 
[The father] had a good job. 
Describe your relationship with the father of your children. 
It’s good—it has its days. It’s had ups and downs in the past. 
What are your future goals? 
To finish high school and go to college to become a social worker. 
Why a social worker? 
Because I’ve been through so much in my life that I think I’d be able to help 
other people through what I know. 
Why do you think you’re a good mother? 
Because I stay with my kids and don’t go out to the bar every weekend like 
some other young parents. 
Do you think being a young mother is harder than moms more established in life?
No. I think that you just gotta want to be a good mom, dad or parent. 
Do you miss being able to do teenage things? 
No. I was just getting into trouble anyway. And if I didn’t have Shantica now 
I’d probably have been in jail then.
Do you think people respect you as a young mother?
 I don’t know. I don’t think people treat me differently. 
Do you think there are good services available for pregnant teens or young moth-
ers? 
I think this is a good program. 
Do you see many young mothers who you don’t think do a good job?
Yes. 


A Conversation with Stephanie Brunet

Dunlop
					, Rishma

 Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering         247 
Editor’s Notes
My child is rain
on the tamarind tree
 — Meena Alexander, “Blood Line” 
I am pleased to introduce the poetry of Meena Alexander as featured poet 
in Folio. The works featured in this issue range from poems collected in 
River and Bridge (1996), to poems from Alexander’s new collection, Quickly 
Changing River (TriQuarterly Books/Northwestern University Press, 2008).
This selection of mother-child poems reflects Alexander’s skill in presenting 
the reader with a poetic sensibility that includes South Asian influences and 
multiple linguistic and cultural voices—Malayam, English, the translation 
of Ovid’s Latin, Sufi mysticism, references to Krishna, Gandhi, and Christ. 
Through these polyvocal texts, the central threads are inextricably linked to 
the narratives of motherhood, of mother-child relations. The mother’s body 
is one that is steeped in blood, fiercely connected to the natural, spiritual, and 
mythical worlds.  In her poem “Passion,” Alexander writes: “I am/the sting 
of love/the blood hot flute/the face/carved in the window,/watching as the 
god set sail/across the waters/risen from the Cape,/Sri Krishna in a painted 
catamaran.”
Accompanied by images by the artist Zarina, Meena Alexander’s poems 
provide a haunting, fascinating reading. The works have Alexander’s consis-
tent lyric voicings, undercut by an unflinching vision of the world as it is, raw, 
infused with images of earth, water, sun, places that taste of childhood and 
motherhood, entangled with history and memory.
             —Rishma Dunlop
248        Volume 9, Number 2
Zarina, “Ghar  (Home),” cast paper, 24 x 32 x 1, 1988. 
