Pillars at Taylor University

The Book Thief and Thirteen Reasons Why depict love in dramatically different ways; these differences come into focus when analyzed through the lens provided in C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves. The relationships differ in both the nature of the love they depict and the stability they maintain amid tragedy. In Thirteen Reasons Why, Hannah and Clay\u27s connection primarily embodies lust, rooted more in fleeting desire than lasting emotional depth. In contrast, Liesel and Rudy in The Book Thief cultivate a deep love, developing it through a gradual process that aligns with the stages of Lewis\u27 concept of love

Crowe, Hannah

English

Falling in Love, Falling Apart: The Intersection of Love and Tragedy in The Book Thief and Thirteen Reasons Why

Full Issue

Winkler, David A.

Growth: The Journal of the Association for Christians in Student 
Development 
Volume 24 Number 24 Article 8 
2025 
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and 
Being Deeply Seen 
David A. Winkler 
Follow this and additional works at: https://pillars.taylor.edu/acsd_growth 
 Part of the Educational Assessment, Evaluation, and Research Commons, Educational Leadership 
Commons, Higher Education Commons, Higher Education Administration Commons, and the Teacher 
Education and Professional Development Commons 
Recommended Citation 
Winkler, David A. (2025) "How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen," 
Growth: The Journal of the Association for Christians in Student Development: Vol. 24: No. 24, Article 8. 
Available at: https://pillars.taylor.edu/acsd_growth/vol24/iss24/8 
This Book Review is brought to you for free and open access by the Association of Christians in Student 
Development at Pillars at Taylor University. It has been accepted for inclusion in Growth: The Journal of the 
Association for Christians in Student Development by an authorized editor of Pillars at Taylor University. For more 
information, please contact pillars@taylor.edu. 
SPRING 2025
67The thing we need most is relationships. The thing we seem to 
suck at most is relationships. 
David Brooks (p. 99)
David Brooks is “not an exceptional person,” but he is “a 
grower,”—or so he claims in the early pages of his most recent 
book, How to Know a Person (p. 7). Brooks emphasizes the 
humble posture needed when trying to become a wiser human 
being, to become someone more attuned to the people and world 
around them. He is a renowned columnist for The New York 
Times, a social commentator, and the author of several bestselling 
books exploring human behavior. Readers may be familiar with 
his other works, The Social Animal or The Second Mountain. With 
a career in journalism spanning decades, Brooks is recognized 
for his keen insights into the complexities and intricacies of rela-
tionships, character formation, and cultural dynamics, blending 
journalism with his fervent interest in sociology and philoso-
phy. In many ways, How to Know a Person is deeply personal, 
dotted with anecdotes and stories from Brooks’s life—people he 
David Brooks (2023)
Random House
Reviewed by David A. Winkler, MACE
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others 
Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
68
has known, experiences he has encountered, and wisdom he has gained 
along the way. 
In How to Know a Person, Brooks explores the art of deep human con-
nection, emphasizing a “way of life” that values the transformative power 
of genuine understanding in human relationships (p. 16). His purpose 
is imminently clear: “to help us become more skilled at the art of seeing 
others and making them feel seen, heard, and understood” (p. 15). At its 
core, the book examines how we can move beyond surface-level interac-
tions to see and appreciate the people around us. Brooks proposes that 
knowing someone is both an art and a moral act, requiring a combina-
tion of attentiveness, humility, and moral imagination. 
Organized into three parts, the book builds on itself as a guide for 
readers to contemplate and practice the deep connections Brooks writes 
about. The first section, “I See You,” lays the philosophical groundwork 
for the rest of the book, exploring why it is essential to see people as 
holistic, complex individuals rather than reducing them to roles or labels 
or stereotypes. Brooks argues that understanding another person does 
not merely require active listening or asking the right questions; it’s 
about cultivating a mindset of curiosity and care. The second section, 
“I See You in Your Struggles,” offers pragmatic, albeit occasionally 
abstract, strategies for fostering deeper relationships (e.g., patience, 
playfulness, presence). To this end, Brooks introduces the concept of 
accompaniment, which he describes as “an other-centered way of 
moving through life” (p. 46). Accompaniment is rooted in the idea of 
walking alongside others with intentionality, empathy, and care. In the 
third section, “I See You in Your Strengths,” Brooks argues that individu-
als can see and know others more clearly when they better understand 
the personality traits that make a person. This section concludes with 
broader reflections on wisdom and the implications of deeper empathy 
and connection in our lives. Brooks contends that our ability to know 
one another genuinely is vital not just for individual relationships but for 
the health of communities and society writ large. 
One of the greatest strengths of How to Know a Person—and really, 
Brooks’s writing in general—is its accessibility and practical wisdom. 
He has a talent for distilling profound ideas into relatable, actionable 
insights; this book is no exception. Brooks’s writing style is engaging and 
conversational. His thoughts are measured, and his tone is encouraging 
and earnest. He truly believes all people are capable of deeply knowing 
one another. Many of the insights he shares are not unfamiliar, yet that 
SPRING 2025
69
remains the beauty of How to Know a Person. There is a profound sim-
plicity to being silent long enough to listen to and to know others deeply. 
After all, the words silent and listen share the same six letters. 
Profundity aside, the book does have its limitations. Although Brooks 
incorporates a variety of sources to support his arguments, many of the 
examples and narratives he uses tend to reflect a predominantly Western, 
upper-middle-class viewpoint—one not dissimilar to his New York Times 
column readership, perhaps. Though thoughtful in its context, this per-
spective inadvertently narrows his pragmatic approach for readers from 
different cultural or socioeconomic backgrounds. Brooks does not claim 
that the principles of empathy, vulnerability, and deep listening practiced 
in accompaniment are unique to a particular worldview or background. 
However, these principles could also benefit from additional diverse 
perspectives in practice. 
One idea that leapt off the page was Brooks’ notion of being an 
illuminator. An illuminator is someone who has 
a persistent curiosity about other people. They have 
been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of 
understanding others. They know what to look for and how 
to ask the right questions at the right time. They shine the 
brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, 
deeper, respected, lit up (p. 13). 
Being a person who illuminates others requires attentiveness, generos-
ity, and a belief in the inherent potential of each person. In today’s fast-
paced, performance-driven world, it’s easy to focus solely on the tasks 
in front of us, overlooking the strengths others might bring to the table. 
Brooks calls his readers to take time to notice and name those qualities 
in others. This idea feels especially relevant in educational and profes-
sional settings, where impact often depends on the ability to cultivate 
potential in others.
Brooks encourages readers to slow down and approach relationships 
intentionally, making the book a valuable resource for anyone looking 
to deepen their connections with others. For Christian student affairs 
professionals, Brooks’s principle of accompaniment offers a practical 
framework for mentoring students by walking alongside them with in-
tentionality and care, reflecting a biblical call to the service of others (Mic. 
6:8; Matt. 23:11-12; Phil. 2:3-4; 1 Pet. 4:10). Similarly, his concept of being 
an illuminator can inspire those in student affairs to create spaces where 
"Generations" Review
70
students feel seen, valued, and empowered to recognize their God-given 
potential. These approaches deepen relationships and cultivate a campus 
culture marked by empathy and the pursuit of a common good.  How to 
Know a Person offers valuable insights for a wide range of academic and 
professional fields as well, particularly those centered on human interac-
tion, such as sociology, psychology, education, counseling, and organi-
zational leadership. Moreover, Brooks’s critique of societal (i.e., political) 
polarization and his call to reclaim empathy is particularly timely in an 
era when finding common ground for the common good is more crucial 
than ever. 
In How to Know a Person, David Brooks invites readers on a personal 
journey (one this reviewer is grateful for being invited into) toward the 
art of knowing others deeply and being deeply known. His reflections 
are timeless and timely, offering a much-needed reminder of the trans-
formative power of seeing and valuing people for who they are. Brooks 
leaves readers with a hopeful vision: that by knowing others deeply, we 
not only enrich their lives but also deepen our own, creating ripples of 
understanding that extend far beyond the individual. This is not just a 
book to read—it’s a way of life to practice.
David A. Winkler, MACE, is a doctoral candidate in the Higher 
Education Studies and Leadership program at Baylor University, 
where he also serves as the administrative director for student life.


How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

Howell, Aaron J.

Growth: The Journal of the Association for Christians in Student 
Development 
Volume 24 Number 24 Article 5 
2025 
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is 
Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness 
Aaron J. Howell 
Follow this and additional works at: https://pillars.taylor.edu/acsd_growth 
 Part of the Educational Assessment, Evaluation, and Research Commons, Educational Leadership 
Commons, Higher Education Commons, Higher Education Administration Commons, and the Teacher 
Education and Professional Development Commons 
Recommended Citation 
Howell, Aaron J. (2025) "The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an 
Epidemic of Mental Illness," Growth: The Journal of the Association for Christians in Student 
Development: Vol. 24: No. 24, Article 5. 
Available at: https://pillars.taylor.edu/acsd_growth/vol24/iss24/5 
This Book Review is brought to you for free and open access by the Association of Christians in Student 
Development at Pillars at Taylor University. It has been accepted for inclusion in Growth: The Journal of the 
Association for Christians in Student Development by an authorized editor of Pillars at Taylor University. For more 
information, please contact pillars@taylor.edu. 
SPRING 2025
55
In his newest book, The Anxious Generation, social psycholo-
gist Jonathan Haidt convincingly argues that alarming levels of 
anxiety and depression in Gen Z are due to two compounding 
trends: growing up with pervasive and unguarded use of social 
media, smart phones, and other screen media, while being over-
protected with little free play during childhood. Haidt calls the 
replacement of play-based childhood with phone-based child-
hood as “the Great Rewiring” (p. 7), which has resulted in an 
epidemic of mental health challenges among children and ado-
lescents that “made it harder for all of us to think, focus, forget 
ourselves enough to care about others, and build close relation-
ships” (p. 17). Haidt outlines steps, including personal spiritual 
practices, to help us reclaim our lives and collective experience. 
The Anxious Generation seldom mentions or prescribes actions 
for current college students; however, it provides context that 
can inform holistic student development practices to improve 
educational outcomes and the experience of our students. 
Jonathan Haidt is known for The Happiness Hypothesis (2006) 
and The Coddling of the American Mind (2018). In many ways 
The Anxious Generation is a continuation of The Coddling of 
Jonathan Haidt (2024)
Penguin Press
Reviewed by Aaron J. Howell, MA
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of 
Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness
56
the American Mind, but with a greater focus on adolescent development. 
There are also several parallels to Jean Twenge’s (2017) book iGen, which 
also discusses the impact of smartphones on Gen Z. With more recent 
and various types of studies presented, The Anxious Generation provides 
convincing evidence that social media use is not just correlated with, 
but also causes, elevated mental health conditions alongside an “unprec-
edented transformation of human childhood” (p. 14).   
Haidt’s discussion about Gen Z mental health is one of the most rel-
evant sections of the book for student affairs professionals to understand 
current students. Haidt shows the significant rise of anxiety and depres-
sive disorders—including major depressive episodes among teens, men-
tal illness among college students, and rapidly rising anxiety prevalence 
of different adolescent age groups—over the period from 2010 to 2015, 
during which the technology shift occurred. Together, the data attribute 
the cause to smartphone and social media use. He offers further metrics 
to link to technology use above other proposed theories such as eco-
nomic concerns, the pandemic, or political unrest.
Haidt also presents evidence of four main harms from the Great Re-
wiring including “social deprivation, sleep deprivation, attention frag-
mentation, and addiction” (p. 116). He shows that boys and girls have 
been affected differently by Great Rewiring, finding that girls are more 
strongly affected by social media use, resulting in high anxiety and de-
pression rates due to sociogenic transmission (in which behaviors are 
transferred to and through social groups). In contrast, boys are more af-
fected by the loss of free play and risk-taking and increased rates of por-
nography viewing. As a result of these factors, boys experience increased 
levels of purposelessness, “failing to launch,” and increasing dissatisfac-
tion with interpersonal, real-world relationships. While recognizing 
these effects, I would argue that Haidt should have been more critical of 
pornography use in this book, because he stops short of recognizing its 
harms, dangers, and impacts beyond adolescent boys. 
In a very accessible way, Haidt teaches the normal development that 
happens through free play, attunement (to synchronize and connect 
with others), and social learning. He then illustrates how the Great Re-
wiring has disrupted each of those development pathways, obscuring 
the transition into adulthood. He outlines new milestones for indepen-
dence and technology use. In his outline, family responsibilities, local 
freedoms, and roaming are to be introduced earlier while new technolo-
SPRING 2025
57
gies are to be introduced later—for example, social media should not be 
introduced until age 16. 
One of Haidt’s discussions most relevant for student development 
was the two modes of the brain: “discover mode,” where the brain is 
constantly searching for and detecting new opportunities, and “defend 
mode” that turns on when threats are detected. Discover mode is pri-
marily useful for growth and development, while defend mode is im-
portant for survival and adjusting to new threats. Humans need to spend 
time in discover mode and be exposed to risk, pain, setbacks, and fail-
ures to properly develop strength and self-reliance. Due to the Great 
Rewiring, young people born after 1995 (including a large percentage 
of today’s college students) are often stuck in defend mode, leading to 
chronic anxiety and inhibiting the activation of discover mode, thus 
limiting growth. The data show that “only one-third of college students 
said they feel anxiety less than half the time or never” (p. 27). According 
to one college student, students sit in silence “absorbed in their smart 
phones, afraid to speak and be heard by their peers” (pp. 122–123). Stu-
dent affairs professionals must find ways to reengage students into dis-
cover mode. Schools can give extra emphasis to outdoor activities, time 
in nature without phones, and creating phone-free areas to promote in 
person, real time interactions.
Haidt’s argument of spiritual degradation caused by pervasive and ex-
cessive smart phone and social media use and humans’ need for spiri-
tual elevation is one area that should have been stronger. Haidt refers 
to Pascal’s “God-shaped hole” in every heart, that most people are fill-
ing with toxic content from social media, resulting in a degradation of 
society. However, as an atheist, Haidt recommends spiritual practices 
strictly for health or mental health benefits, devoid of any actual divine 
power. He argues against filling the God-shaped hole with the “garbage 
pump” (p. 216) of social media but does not prescribe filling the God-
shaped hole with God himself, thus falling short of a true remedy. An 
explicitly Christian response includes helping students develop a biblical 
narrative about finding God’s purpose in life, practicing gratitude, seek-
ing and participating in Christian community, and applying sabbaths to 
technology use (Beers & Hart, 2023) and exercising spiritual disciplines 
of solitude, silence, reading scripture, prayer, and fasting (Song, 2023) as 
ways to be influenced by God rather than social media.
In the last chapter, Haidt promises supplemental material on “What 
Universities can do now,” but at the time of this review, this material 
"Generations" Review
58
is not yet available. However, Haidt’s work is relevant for student af-
fairs practitioners to understand our students, their stunted develop-
ment, and the connection between increased mental health concerns 
and heavy smart phone use. Minimally, this requires student affairs 
practitioners to refocus areas of their work and adjust programs to better 
align with the needs of this generation. Some examples include develop-
ing experiential learning programs, outdoor activities, and exploration 
that emphasize life-skill and interpersonal-skill development like what 
occurs in free play; expanding mentorship programs to include genera-
tional mentoring; and reevaluating the university’s own practices with 
technology and social media (such as communication with students). 
More broadly, many student development theories and best practices 
need to be re-examined as they were based on a very different generation 
of students. It would also be beneficial to expand workshops on digital 
literacy and setting boundaries for technology use.  
In conclusion, I strongly recommend The Anxious Generation by 
Jonathan Haidt to student affairs practitioners. Discussions based on the 
findings and further research focused on current college students could 
help us find best practices and strategies for student development, while 
reducing anxiety and increasing true connectivity and belonging on 
college campuses.
Aaron J. Howell, MA, serves as the residence life and housing director 
at LCC International University in Lithuania.
References
Beers, S. T., & Hart, L. D., (2023). Beyond anxiousness. In P. L Glanzer & A. 
Smith (Eds.), Stewarding our bodies: A vision for Christian student affairs 
(pp. 143–158). Abilene Christian University Press. 
Song, F. W. (2023). Your body and your mind: Social media. In P. L Glanzer 
& A. Smith (Eds.), Stewarding our bodies: A vision for Christian student 
affairs (pp. 127–142). Abilene Christian University Press.  
Twenge, J. M. (2017). iGen: Why today’s super-connected kids are growing up 
less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy--and completely unprepared for 
adulthood--and what that means for the rest of us. Simon and Schuster.


Taylor University

Not a member yet

Falling in Love, Falling Apart: The Intersection of Love and Tragedy in The Book Thief and Thirteen Reasons Why

Full Issue

How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness

Pastor Mark Vroegop

Pastor Mark Vroegop (evening)

Spiritual Renewal - Pastor Mark Vroegop

Don Lough, Executive Director, Word of Life Fellowship

Music, Theater, and Dance

Pastor Simon Guevara, Barlett Bible Church

8,365

11,253